Comments - Practical applications for Love 3-25-09 - Architects of a New Dawn2024-03-28T12:59:38Zhttp://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profiles/comment/feed?attachedTo=2227378%3ABlogPost%3A58528&xn_auth=noI love the way you worked thi…tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2009-04-05:2227378:Comment:625372009-04-05T01:49:50.063ZErin Michellehttp://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/ErinMichelle
I love the way you worked this out.
I love the way you worked this out. Its wonderful to read this di…tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2009-03-30:2227378:Comment:604992009-03-30T00:12:06.017ZJeannehttp://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/Jeanne
Its wonderful to read this discussion and realize the evolution fatherhood has achieved. ...can't say I ever heard fathers when I was a kid having a conversation like this. I'm currently doing a study on the experience of stigma for stay at home fathers... similar but different for single fathers, both custodial and non-custodial. No matter, it is heartening. Blessings to both of you.
Its wonderful to read this discussion and realize the evolution fatherhood has achieved. ...can't say I ever heard fathers when I was a kid having a conversation like this. I'm currently doing a study on the experience of stigma for stay at home fathers... similar but different for single fathers, both custodial and non-custodial. No matter, it is heartening. Blessings to both of you. SHARING IS CARING............…tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2009-03-25:2227378:Comment:586192009-03-25T23:53:51.192Zdrmikehttp://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/drmike
SHARING IS CARING..............<br />
<br />
<br />
Good job Pops! I'm glad you did not explode, because really it would only make things worse. The fear, anger, rage progression can be broken with simple techniques you described above. Taking a step back and thinking of a better alternative is where it is at. The kids don't have to be exposed to negativity. Mommy bashing gets us no where.<br />
<br />
Whereas your daughter is 1.5 years older than my kid, I have been consistently on the single dad thing for a good 5 years.…
SHARING IS CARING..............<br />
<br />
<br />
Good job Pops! I'm glad you did not explode, because really it would only make things worse. The fear, anger, rage progression can be broken with simple techniques you described above. Taking a step back and thinking of a better alternative is where it is at. The kids don't have to be exposed to negativity. Mommy bashing gets us no where.<br />
<br />
Whereas your daughter is 1.5 years older than my kid, I have been consistently on the single dad thing for a good 5 years. It was hard at first, but I've finally realized with my own son that he really is not (and likely will never be) into the "taking sides" thing. He loves mommy, and he loves daddy. He expects us to act civilized, and be grown ups. I have to do this, or otherwise he'll start running his own show and be even more like me than I want.<br />
<br />
You are making a great observation as to whether this is really "steering" or just your own fabrication. Either way, what is important is a demonstration that she is loved, and you will be doing it whether you are actually there or not! Kids want that from you, and often feel more cherished when you aren't necessarily showing it. Indirect love carries awesome weight.<br />
<br />
I believe this is an example. Today, I went down to the kindergarten for the teacher, parent conference. His school is right down the street from her house. She often shows up to volunteer some in his class. Logistically, I can't do that. However, I'm not there to be in competition for "best parent." We heard from the teacher about his progress, and shared what needs to be done to maintain and improve on it. To me this action counts just as much as a birthday. I rather he not even know I was there--something I'm told is a great spiritual principle (non-disclosure, and not taking credit for good deeds). Whereas birthdays are important, each day is just as important. Often I ask if a sentimental landmark is more for me or my kid. Although I do not get to see my son everyday, I make a point to call him occasionally. Even if the call is not answered I still took the action to call. I feel that it is important the non-custodial parent get adequate alone time, and then set the tone that both parents have equal pull in the welfare, education, and overall well being. This may take legal action if the other party won't agree, but that's another story.<br />
<br />
I recognize that often kids will want to be with other kids at times. He's in Tae Kwon Do, and had a fit one day when I came to get him, because he wanted to stay with his cousin--who is close like a sister. I had to divorce my ego, and ask what is best for him. With that, I had to concede to her to use "my time" and just stay out of the way. Just like I can't wear his clothes, I can't live his life. I can only be there to be supportive that it is moving in the right direction.<br />
<br />
That said, I put in my spring break request to be with Mr. Sir for time to play golf and watch the Master's tournament on CBS. We also watch the US Open, as it falls on Father's Day. And this will be mostly uninterrupted by Tae Kwon Do and mommy stuff in two weeks!<br />
<br />
Caring is sharing. Getting to where I can love by doing what is best for others, even if it is at odds with my ego has taken a lot of prayer, meditation, and practice in humility. I'm happy to see you moving in a similar direction.<br />
<br />
Best Regards,<br />
Mike