Joyce Shafer's Posts - Architects of a New Dawn
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Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
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Do You Know What the Trinity of Self-Realization and Authenticity Is?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-09-16:2227378:BlogPost:295323
2011-09-16T20:01:09.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Do you ever feel inauthentic, like you wear a mask over what you believe you know, or fear, about who you really are? The trinity can help you follow the path to your authentic-self destination.<br />
<br />
I read Flip the S.W.I.T.C.H. (How to Turn On and Turn Up Your Mindset) by PJ McClure, The Mindset Maven, which he gives away on his website. I don’t want to spoil your experience of reading PJ’s brilliant book by recounting his content, nor is this a review. But, he did get me thinking about what I…
Do you ever feel inauthentic, like you wear a mask over what you believe you know, or fear, about who you really are? The trinity can help you follow the path to your authentic-self destination.<br />
<br />
I read Flip the S.W.I.T.C.H. (How to Turn On and Turn Up Your Mindset) by PJ McClure, The Mindset Maven, which he gives away on his website. I don’t want to spoil your experience of reading PJ’s brilliant book by recounting his content, nor is this a review. But, he did get me thinking about what I consider the trinity of self-realization and authenticity: Attitude, Mindset, and Personal Truth.<br />
<br />
Attitude<br />
<br />
Our attitude reflects what we feel, unless we pretend otherwise. We display and use outward factors to demonstrate attitude: facial expressions, body language, comments and specific words, and perhaps actions. An attitude adjustment isn’t just about the outward expression of it; that doesn’t approach what’s underneath it.<br />
<br />
A problem arises when anyone attempts to adjust or improve attitude simply by behaving “better” because the improved behaviors may have nothing to do with how they really feel. We can fake a positive attitude or a neutral one to cover negativity, but the result feels inauthentic because the layer underneath that doesn’t support the surface. An attitude that’s consistent—meaning presents itself more often than not—shows others and us what’s at our foundation. To know the foundation, we have to look deeper.<br />
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Mindset<br />
<br />
Now I will include something from PJ’s book, but I promise it won’t spoil your read. PJ listed the dictionary definition of mindset as a fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person’s responses to and interpretations of situations. When I read that, I circled the word “fixed” in my mind, which was backed up soon by PJ stating mindset is definitely not fixed. His definition is that mindset is the programmable subconscious framework, which filters input so the conscious mind can respond.<br />
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He stated that mindset is made up of the six Elements of Personal Choice and added one more element that features in each of the other six and in the bigger picture of your life that all seven form the foundation for. Your mindset is, ultimately, what you tell yourself about these elements. Your mindset absolutely affects your attitude and your outcomes. Whenever you struggle with success in any area of life, adjusting your attitude won’t create long-lasting, effective shifts; adjusting your mindset will. But sometimes even mindset needs a little something else.<br />
<br />
Personal Truth<br />
<br />
Your personal truth is revealed through finding your head-and-heart alignment about anything and everything in your life that asks for your attention in a particular, even profound way. It’s where you use critical thinking to go deeper into dynamics and motivations rather than stay on the surface of thoughts, words, and actions—of others and your own.<br />
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Personal truth is where no conflict between head and heart exists about a particular matter; it’s where integrity lives. It’s where you look at values—what’s most important to you, as well as look for any unspoken or unidentified “rules of engagement” you’ve attached to your values. These rules usually appear as something like, “Validation is important to me. In order to feel validated, I need…” This one is worth working deeply enough to reveal whether your fulfillment needs are realistic or unrealistic. If a need has unrealistic rules attached, life—or certain areas of it—may feel severely emotionally painful for you.<br />
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The Trinity in Action<br />
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Your personal truth supports your mindset, and mindset results in your dominant attitude. Many people linger in the realm of attitude and seldom venture into the other two realms. If you don’t explore your mindset, you may live in a state of attitude fueled by emotions, and may even feel nothing ever gets resolved—and, indeed, little might. You may live the frustrating life of a reactor, or one immobilized, instead of a responder much of time. PJ’s book, worthy of more than one read, explains mindset and more, if exploring your own feels right for you at this time.<br />
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Personal truth is the realm where you must shed the influence of others to look at who you are at your core. Mindset is where you look at what you believe and why. Attitude is how you display who you are and what you believe—or what you pretend to believe, or what you think you believe. Without connection to your authentic mindset based on personal truths, you risk living your life based on what you were taught and absorbed from others; this includes negative and positive beliefs. You may have noticed you sometimes have a contrast with both types of beliefs. There’s a reason.<br />
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Each of us experiences a negative attitude from time to time—it’s called being human. Stuff happens that doesn’t feel good and happens faster than we can even give a thought to mindset. But when a negative attitude rules, there’s a faulty mindset at work, which is good news because mindset can be explored and improved. And when mindset needs exploration and support, personal truth gets included in the mix.<br />
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The trinity of self-realization and authenticity is how we set up our lives to feel good or bad as the main theme of our existence. As much as we might like it to be based on external factors, it isn’t. It’s internal, and our internal trinity influences our external experiences and how we experience externals.<br />
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If you’re not used to looking within with much depth and with a genuine desire to “know thyself,” it can feel daunting, even tiring, to do so. But, if you put some level of exploration and discovery into practice each week, you not only get to the heart of matters, but to the true you. You realize who you really are without seeing yourself through the filters of others’ beliefs and opinions; and you begin to feel and be authentically you.<br />
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Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! How to Lose It All and Never Miss A Beat By PJ McClure; The Dreaded Time Buffer By Jeanna Gabellini; Secrets at Dawn By poet Wendi Romero: <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Is It Time to Simplify?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-09-09:2227378:BlogPost:293817
2011-09-09T20:07:37.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Could a lesson from Super Nanny apply to you and your personal and professional life? If you feel stressed and overwhelmed… yeah.<br />
<br />
The parents Super Nanny Jo Frost went to help were well-meaning—they wanted to give their children the best head start in life. Unfortunately, this meant not only school and homework hours for each child, but LOTS of additional activities to help them be well rounded individuals, as well.<br />
<br />
Super Nanny pointed out two things:<br />
1. Making their children engage so many…
Could a lesson from Super Nanny apply to you and your personal and professional life? If you feel stressed and overwhelmed… yeah.<br />
<br />
The parents Super Nanny Jo Frost went to help were well-meaning—they wanted to give their children the best head start in life. Unfortunately, this meant not only school and homework hours for each child, but LOTS of additional activities to help them be well rounded individuals, as well.<br />
<br />
Super Nanny pointed out two things:<br />
1. Making their children engage so many activities meant the parents’ involvement with their children was minimized. Activities instead of TV were the babysitters. There was a real lack of quality time as a family.<br />
2. The children were stressed out from being overburdened, which affected their behavior in a negative way.<br />
<br />
Super Nanny did something that really drove point 2 home: she made a pile of objects that represented all the extra activities each child was enrolled in. There were books, drums, ballet shoes, sports shoes and equipment, and so on. The parents were instructed to put all the items that matched a child’s activities into each child’s arms. The children were instructed to make every effort to hold everything they were given. The visual effect of the children struggling to hold so much stuff that looked more like clutter than creativity was poignant. Finally, the little girl said, “I can’t keep holding all these!”<br />
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Super Nanny’s solution was to have the parents choose one activity they felt very strongly their children should engage and each child was told to pick one activity they really wanted to keep or to pick a new one. And, the parents were instructed on how to better engage as a family.<br />
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Your arms might be bigger than the little girl’s, but how would the load look that you may be trying to carry? Is it comfortable, stacked past your chin, straining your arms, falling from your grip? The parents had encumbered their children with extra activities without including choice in the mix. In your life, at least some of what you expect yourself to do is imposed by you and no one else; but you also want to consider who’s put what onto your shoulders and why.<br />
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How might this Nanny lesson apply to you?<br />
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• You’re probably as well-meaning as the parents and really want to give yourself what you “believe” you need (in your opinion or that of others), possibly, whether your soul self really wants it or not.<br />
• You may have made yourself so busy that there’s little time for you and other parts of your life to get what’s needed for your personal and soul-self benefit.<br />
• You may have so many things to do or believe need to get done, your relationships suffer—the most important one being the relationship you have with yourself. Too much to do is one way many use to avoid looking at what’s out of balance in their life.<br />
• You may be so stressed or tired that you’re cranky or worse.<br />
• You may struggle to keep everything “in your arms” and fear dropping something or everything, and are possibly concerned with how you might appear to others if you let go of some things that aren’t working for you rather than how letting some go might enhance your life and well being.<br />
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Marcus Aurelius said, "Most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” Super Nanny isn’t super because she does a lot, but because she focuses on what’s important so she can be effective and effect improvements that change lives in a positive way.<br />
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The gift download on my website, “focus: A simplicity manifesto in the Age of Distraction,” is one I’m pleased to provide because it ties in perfectly with Super Nanny’s point about the need to simplify—not solely from the too-much-to-do syndrome, but also the issue of multiple distractions that pull us off focus, not just on work but also on the other areas in our lives. The author of “focus”, Leo Babauta, wrote about overwhelm and addiction created by our new technological age, and how so many of us don’t even realize the impact on our lives because of it. Even if we don’t see it, we do sense it.<br />
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This week, maybe pay attention to when you feel stretched or stretched too thin. What’s causing this feeling? Is it a fact that you’re overburdened? If so, what solution are you willing to engage? Is it that you burden yourself with too much thinking rather than productive action? Over-thinking is a great avoidance tactic: It allows us to believe we’re being productive when we aren’t.<br />
<br />
Eliminate and manage any distractions and extra tasks you can, and that make sense to shed, to simplify your life and reduce overwhelm, if that’s your choice.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! Gabriella Kortsch-“Entering the Now Moment by Leaving Unawareness Behind”; Guy Finley-“Stop Fear Before It Gets Started!”; “In the Mist” By poet Wendi Romero: <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
How Many Ways Do You Pay Yourself?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-09-02:2227378:BlogPost:292590
2011-09-02T19:20:09.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
A wise strategy is to pay yourself… first. But, are you aware there may be more than one way to do this?<br />
<br />
You’ve heard that it makes a difference if you pay yourself first—not just in an increase in the amount in your checking or savings account but also in how you affirm that you value yourself, which gets conveyed to others through your energy.<br />
<br />
You’ve also heard that, if oxygen masks are needed in flight, put yours on first because you’re no help to anyone if you’re unconscious… or worse.…
A wise strategy is to pay yourself… first. But, are you aware there may be more than one way to do this?<br />
<br />
You’ve heard that it makes a difference if you pay yourself first—not just in an increase in the amount in your checking or savings account but also in how you affirm that you value yourself, which gets conveyed to others through your energy.<br />
<br />
You’ve also heard that, if oxygen masks are needed in flight, put yours on first because you’re no help to anyone if you’re unconscious… or worse. Let me explain how the oxygen mask ties in to ways you might pay yourself.<br />
<br />
During a coaching call, my client—who’d recently heard the “pay yourself first” comment—said she feels our calls are a form of paying herself. I literally stopped moving for a moment when she said that… because her statement was profound and brilliant! It’s a valuable lesson to us all: It isn’t always about dollars and cents; it’s also about what makes sense for us—like putting your oxygen mask on first so you can keep breathing, and fulfill your purpose.<br />
<br />
What are other ways you do or might pay yourself for meeting challenges (good ones, tricky ones, and more serious ones) every day—ways that feel like an oxygen mask in your life? What about…<br />
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• You give yourself “you” time every morning (or at least once a day), whether it’s to meditate, read something inspirational or motivational, not think about anything and just be, get organized and feel on purpose about your day before you start it.<br />
• You get the rest and relaxation you need so you have energy for your life.<br />
• You trust your inner knowing about what’s fun and fulfilling for you and follow this.<br />
• You know and trust what’s appropriate and inappropriate for you and you honor this—guilt-free and with no need to explain yourself.<br />
• You value and honor your time.<br />
• You regularly clear clutter from your living and working spaces. NOTE: Creatives “do” clutter differently.<br />
• You take walks or walk in nature or engage in some activity or inactivity that helps you relax.<br />
• You give yourself a few moments, or longer, to celebrate and appreciate when you complete or accomplish something, rather than rush to the next task. You give yourself the “attaboy” or “attagirl” you’d love to get from someone else.<br />
• You turn the computer off and have a real evening (day off, weekend, or holiday), whether a quiet one in your own company or with family or friends.<br />
• If it fits your budget, you pay an appropriate someone (or barter) to take care of certain tasks like yard work, house cleaning, bookkeeping, or whatever—which may be long-term or once a month, when you want that time for self-care or self-nurturing or to focus on a project.<br />
• You plan and enjoy coffee and conversation with a friend, or some other type of outing.<br />
• You watch a favorite program or movie or read a novel—without apology.<br />
• You enjoy a SPA day at a salon or create your own at home.<br />
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Many more bullet points could be added, but you likely get the drift of what my client meant. For her, our calls and what their results are in and on her life not only bring rewards into her life but lets her feel rewarded for the energy she gives to her process—on her behalf—between the calls.<br />
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Give thought to what feels similar to you—something you really couldn’t put a price on because it provides something invaluable to you as the unique individual you are.<br />
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Maybe you might pick one thing you feel is like the oxygen mask but you’ve, perhaps, not been giving to yourself often enough or at all—and put it into practice this week.<br />
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Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
This week’s State of Appreciation is empowering! Gabriella Kortsch-“Do You Dance? Are Joy & Happiness Major Components of Your Life?”; Jeanna Gabellini-“Do You Believe in Easy?”; “On The Edge” By poet Wendi Romero: <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
What Self-Sabotaging Behavior is About
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-08-29:2227378:BlogPost:291791
2011-08-29T17:08:52.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Self-sabotage is not about lack of willpower; so, you can stop beating yourself up about that one. What it is about may surprise you… and empower you.<br />
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Self-sabotage happens when you confront the need to move out of your comfort zone to improve your life experience or make a dream or goal happen. This is one reason willpower doesn’t work.<br />
<br />
A few words about willpower…<br />
<br />
Have you noticed how well trying to force willpower to work and last… works and lasts? It doesn’t, not really. In fact, it sets…
Self-sabotage is not about lack of willpower; so, you can stop beating yourself up about that one. What it is about may surprise you… and empower you.<br />
<br />
Self-sabotage happens when you confront the need to move out of your comfort zone to improve your life experience or make a dream or goal happen. This is one reason willpower doesn’t work.<br />
<br />
A few words about willpower…<br />
<br />
Have you noticed how well trying to force willpower to work and last… works and lasts? It doesn’t, not really. In fact, it sets you up for heavy-duty self-criticism more than accomplishment and self-fulfillment. You might believe willpower did it for you at some time, but it was awareness, choice, commitment, reminders about intention and desired outcomes and motivational statements made to yourself repeatedly that supported you.<br />
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Willpower means self-control (according to my dictionary). We don’t like the word “control;” that is, no one really likes the concept of being controlled. When we attempt self-control, it can feel like a force acting from outside us, which we resist. It’s why regimes and resolutions get tossed. Self-management is far friendlier, more realistic, and doable.<br />
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Back to self-sabotage…<br />
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Think about something you say you really want to do or a project you need to get done or a change you know needs to happen. If anything about that challenges your comfort zone(s), self-sabotaging behaviors pop up. You may notice this as<br />
• Your mind wanders when you need to focus<br />
• You convince yourself some other task must be done first or instead of priorities (a real trickster for those who work from home)<br />
• Self-doubt creeps in that says you don’t have what it takes to do whatever or to do it “right”<br />
• If it’s something you haven’t started or you’ve started but don’t stay consistent about it, you may convince yourself you don’t actually have time and that you can’t make time either… that you have to wait until the perfect time shows up to focus on it<br />
• You suddenly feel anxious or exhausted, too much so to be productive or creative—you convince yourself that you can only focus on this project or action when it (you) “feels” right, that you can’t even give it five minutes and see where it goes from there<br />
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It’s easy (and preferable) to believe your self-sabotaging aspect points to something outside of you that needs to change before you can be productive, when, in fact, it points to something inside you that requires change. The first thing to change is belief that your sabotaging self is against you. It isn’t. It wants you to see a blocking belief that holds you back or stops you so you do something about that rather than resist, or continue to resist, the need for inner change.<br />
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Resistance causes you to believe, temporarily or longer, that your ability to choose is impeded, and even removed in some instances. So, instead of making a decision in your favor, you engage lots of activity (or conversations with others or yourself) or go immobile, with little to no productive action on what’s really important and leads to desired results. This applies to business, weight loss, relationships or dating… any goal that requires you step out of your comfort zone about any improvement you say you truly desire. One big trigger for many is—“If I succeed, what will be expected of me then?”<br />
<br />
Taking action will make your sabotaging self go quiet. Here are a few examples of your sabotaging self and you having a different kind of conversation.<br />
<br />
SS: So, you want to write a book! Well, if you write it and it isn’t perfect, you’ll humiliate yourself. Save yourself the embarrassment and don’t even try. Go do something else—something safe, like house or yard work.<br />
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YOU: Maybe you’re right and maybe you’re wrong. I won’t know unless I prove one or the other correct. So, I’m going to write anyway. I may write only one paragraph or even just one sentence a day. And then I’ll write another and another, and take it from there.<br />
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SS: You’re overwhelmed! There’s too much to do and think about, so do nothing for now…or for longer…or rake leaves or do something that doesn’t challenge you but lets you feel busy.<br />
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YOU: There is a lot to do, but I’m going to make a list and prioritize it. Then I’m going to make a schedule that helps me address priorities and get to it, one item at a time.<br />
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SS: Don’t focus on your priority. Think about all those other things on your to-do list.<br />
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YOU: I’m going to give at least an hour or two of full focus each day to my priority, until it’s done. I’ll attend to other matters, as well, but my priorities will get done. [I wish I’d made note of who said this: “Make your to-do items your Ta-Da! items.”]<br />
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Your sabotaging self waves its hand for your attention. Fear gets triggered. Clarity of thought disappears—it’s like mind static. Your conscious mind doesn’t clearly hear what your sabotaging self is saying because of the static—which is why you don’t know specifically what’s bothering you, but you feel its effects. A remedy is to look at what you were supposed to do when you did something else instead or are about to. What’s up with that? A fact is that sometimes you really do need to do something else or something else first, or genuinely need to rest; but, you know the difference between a real need and avoidance.<br />
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The example conversations showed you can hear what your sabotaging self says to you (to get your attention, not actually to stop you in your tracks) and then do the opposite. The thing is that once you do this enough times or one really good time, your sabotaging self will put a checkmark by that item and never bring it up again. It won’t need to. It will be a block you’ve overcome. Your sabotaging self wants to help you get over fear of taking calculated risks so you can receive rewards you desire.<br />
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Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
2 Components of Real Change
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-08-19:2227378:BlogPost:289684
2011-08-19T20:35:39.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
There’s one particular thing that often stands in the way of any desired change; and, its partner has near-equal influence. Do you know what these are?<br />
<br />
Consideration about the ignition switch for real change started with an email from an associate saying he was in a state of flux and it didn’t feel good. I emailed to check on him a week later and he responded that he’d made a decision to focus on one specific project he really wanted to engage, rather than all the opportunities being presented…
There’s one particular thing that often stands in the way of any desired change; and, its partner has near-equal influence. Do you know what these are?<br />
<br />
Consideration about the ignition switch for real change started with an email from an associate saying he was in a state of flux and it didn’t feel good. I emailed to check on him a week later and he responded that he’d made a decision to focus on one specific project he really wanted to engage, rather than all the opportunities being presented to him.<br />
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My thoughts about this are that the opportunities had become like “shoulds” swarming around his mind—each an external influence vying for his attention. Their “buzzing” distracted him from listening to his inner guidance that would lead him to head and heart alignment. He resolved his inner and outer conflicts by heeding the message of his true feelings (inner wisdom) instead of “should logic,” which allowed him to make a decision appropriate for him at this time. Absence of a decision based on head-and-heart aligned feelings is what often stands in the way of our starting down the path to a desired change.<br />
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The second happening that inspired me came when I took my cup of coffee outside early on a Sunday morning. I sat on the ledge by my kitchen door and gazed down at a small patch of wild ground cover and its tiny white flowers, still closed, as they do at night. I’d glanced away for a moment; and when I looked back, saw that one bud had opened; I watched its gradual unfolding. A few minutes later, another opened then another and another, until only one bud remained closed. I went inside to refill my cup, turn on my computer, and then went back outside. The bud was still closed. I kept watching it; it seemed to take a long time to open—though, I believed it would.<br />
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While I waited and watched the final bud, I thought that although a decision, as described above, is the first component to real change, it’s followed by right timing, which is different for each of us. These tiny white flowers are all members of the same root system; yet, each opened at different times—when the time was right for them. Right timing applies to decision-making, as well. Some decisions are made quickly; while others, usually about something likely to create significant change for or in us, are made once we move whatever is buzzing us out of the way so we can listen to what our true feelings tell us.<br />
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Each bud’s opening was silent—no fanfare, but glorious in its own way. Isn’t that how true change happens inside of us? We may tell others about it, but the moment we make a decision right for us, the moment we feel a true shift within us, is silent and glorious. Poets could use their wordsmith skills to create an image most could relate to feeling-wise, but many of us would be hard-pressed to adequately describe how we feel at such moments. Probably like the buds, we feel the spontaneous opening up—like a welcome inhalation after holding our breath through a long night—followed by a gradual, natural unfolding of our true selves that allows us to give AND receive gifts.<br />
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We think of right timing as a matter of external events lining up then showing up, but it starts at the inner level. The client mentioned in my recent article about “shoulding” on ourselves, on her own, saw the impact “shoulds” were having on her inner and outer experiences. Just as my associate’s “opportunity buzzing” pulled his attention away from his inner wisdom for a while, events in my client’s personal life competed, and necessarily so, for attention required by her professional life. She juggled a lot of issues at once. All of us know what that’s like.<br />
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Amid all these matters tugging at her, she paid attention and made adjustments. This is why in one of our coaching calls we tweaked a few perspectives, but the real “work” that led to meaningful shifts happened between our calls. One significant thing she did after our call was decide it was time to relax her energy, which invited an external event to line up on her behalf. Quite soon after she chose to relax and feel good about how well she was actually doing, a desired opportunity “knocked at her door.” She was able to greet the opportunity as a calm, gracious, enthusiastic hostess rather than a harried one. This is what opportunities appropriate for us do: they wait for our energy to be inviting.<br />
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Both of these individuals provide excellent reminders to us all to listen to our inner voice, and to trust when it tells us that something is out of balance and what would feel better or appropriate for us. They remind us that when we feel pulled at by life’s events, and even possibilities, that pulled feeling is our signal to pay attention, to observe and listen to feelings that lead us back to the ability to make a decision right for us, rather than listen to the mental “buzzing” that distracts us; and then to allow right timing, as needed. The result is peace of mind; and you can’t put a price on peace of mind.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
This week’s State of Appreciation is powerful, if I say so myself! Guest Articles: Complain Your Way to a Breakthrough! by Margaret Lynch; Intimacy . . . We Say We Want It, But Do We Really? by Lynne Forrest; and Just Sit by poet Wendi Romero: <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
I Will Not Should on Myself Today
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-08-12:2227378:BlogPost:288511
2011-08-12T19:11:28.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
How ready and able we are to beat up on ourselves! “I will not should on myself today” would benefit many as a new mantra.<br />
<br />
A coaching client, who is a solo business person, provided lessons for many by sharing “should” challenges a number of people contend with in their personal, as well as professional lives. Three big “shoulds” showed up for her. You’ve probably experienced at least one of them, in one form or another.<br />
<br />
Should 1 convinced her to sit at her computer all day and into the night…
How ready and able we are to beat up on ourselves! “I will not should on myself today” would benefit many as a new mantra.<br />
<br />
A coaching client, who is a solo business person, provided lessons for many by sharing “should” challenges a number of people contend with in their personal, as well as professional lives. Three big “shoulds” showed up for her. You’ve probably experienced at least one of them, in one form or another.<br />
<br />
Should 1 convinced her to sit at her computer all day and into the night for three weeks straight, and not productively for the most part, mostly hoping something good would happen—no outings; no mental, emotional, physical, or creative time off. All that time, and nothing shifted in a positive direction. Law of Attraction proves that what you focus on you get more of. A better statement is HOW you focus is what you get more of. Right now, as you read this, make your own mental list of what was likely attracted into her life or amplified during those weeks. More of the same, for sure. Are you currently doing this in one or more areas of your own life?<br />
<br />
Should 2 convinced her to believe the way to improve her circumstances and experiences was to focus 24/7 on her home-based creative business—let me change the word “focus” to “dwell on”—there’s a big difference between the two. This “should” is filled with stress and strain, yes? Yes. Was her focus on productive ways and actions to achieve desired outcomes during reasonable work hours, or was she worn out mentally—even burned out from the weight of this kind of thinking? Sure, she had some creative, inspired moments in the mix and some productive outcomes; but most of her thoughts ran like this: “Nothing’s working the way I want it to. What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening? Why is this so hard? When is this ever going to change in my favor?!”—Whew! Using Law of Attraction principles, you can see what her day-to-day experience was like, from dawn to dark. Are you dwelling on similar questions about one or more areas of your own personal or professional life? Dwelling on and acting on create very different results.<br />
<br />
Should 3 convinced her that anytime she attempted to focus on a personal project that felt fulfilling to her or anything other than work, her Inner Critic should nag her. What happened was rather than engage with her self and a project fully, she engaged in an inner battle with the Inner Critic—a battle between what she “should” be doing and what she felt inspired and motivated to do at that time. These battles used up her time and energy; wore her out and wore her down. Creative projects inspire. They bring joy and fulfillment by virtue of meeting a creative challenge. For her, this inner battle meant nothing she did was joyful; nothing got completed—except for her feeling completely frustrated. When you consider the Law of Attraction factor here, what you get is a big Ouch! I suggested more fun be included in her life (very attractive to LOA!)—and, not just doing fun things—engaging her own inner fun about whatever she sets out to accomplish.<br />
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We think that such stress and strain can be hidden from others (our own private hell), but it leaks from our energetic pores—it pushes people and desired outcomes away like bad body odor. That’s graphic, but true. It shows in our face, our body language, our attitude. It creates a vicious cycle: we want or need to improve something in our lives; but instead of exploring appropriate actions and taking them so we can give outcomes a chance to show up (including fun and recharge times that stimulate creative productivity), we wallow and fret in our minds—which never, ever creates positive experiences and outcomes. And, this casts many people into the dark land known as I Don’t Deserve Anything Better.<br />
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We seem to walk on a tightrope when it comes to how we believe we “should” perceive ourselves, which is what generates and amplifies beliefs about what we deserve. It’s kind of like the story of Goldilocks—if we have too high an opinion of ourselves, the “porridge” is too hot. Too low, the “porridge” is too cold. Yet, we can’t seem to allow ourselves to sit in the chair where the “porridge” is just right. Why is this? It’s because we were convinced by others (who also believe this) that the assessment of who we are, how well we’re doing, and what we deserve must be decided by others, not us. We ignore the fact that allowing the opinions of others to define us and what we deserve has never worked and never will; and, in fact, keeps us understandably confused and stifles our natural inclination to explore what fulfills us, to discover and live what makes us feel like just-right porridge.<br />
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Every one of us “shoulds” on ourself from time to time. The next time you catch yourself about to do this, stop and ask, “Who am I trying to please?” The best answer, of course, is you! And in that case, you really do know what would please you, so follow your inner wisdom. We’re not talking about running amok here with irresponsible behaviors. We’re talking about you living YOUR life without resisting what feels appropriate, productive, and fulfilling for you.<br />
<br />
Shoulding on yourself seldom creates results, it creates a mess. If you feel the need to should on you, relevant resistance is trying to get your attention. Really—if there’s something you must do, you do it—free of shoulds. A “should” is a Stop sign: take a moment to look at it. If you should be doing whatever, why aren’t you; and what would have to happen at the inner level in order for you to do it? Or, maybe you shouldn’t do what you tell yourself you should. During the call with my client, she revealed that her intuition is always correct, but her Inner Critic tries to convince her otherwise with guilt-laden shoulds. I shared a quote with her by Goethe that brought tears to her eyes: “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” That we weren’t taught to trust ourselves is a good reason so many do “struggle” as a way of life instead of discovery and fulfillment.<br />
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Consider if any of your “shoulds” have merit and go from there, but don’t engage in a battle with them. Shift “I should” to “I will” or “I won’t.” “I should” has no power behind it; “I will” and “I won’t” do. Include your right to have fun at the inner and outer levels of your life. You’ll have a far better Law-of-Attraction result with this approach.<br />
<br />
What does the Infinite Creative Consciousness—the final word in all things—say you deserve? All the GOOD you can use and enjoy! But, you have to agree to invite it into your state of mind. Your good will knock; it may put a foot across the threshold, but it won’t enter your life fully without your permission.<br />
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Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
This week’s State of Appreciation issue is especially powerful: <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
7 Tips to Manage Overwhelm
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-08-05:2227378:BlogPost:285188
2011-08-05T16:45:29.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Overwhelm blocks productivity, creativity, enjoyment… and even income! You can begin to improve this starting today.<br />
<br />
In my article, “What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?”, I mentioned I’d created a mind map. Since then, I revisited my mind map and removed a few things listed there. They’re terrific ideas, but they don’t really “crank my tractor.” This is something you might keep in mind, too.<br />
<br />
I’m something of a list addict—okay, maybe list maniac is more like it. Over the years, I’ve…
Overwhelm blocks productivity, creativity, enjoyment… and even income! You can begin to improve this starting today.<br />
<br />
In my article, “What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?”, I mentioned I’d created a mind map. Since then, I revisited my mind map and removed a few things listed there. They’re terrific ideas, but they don’t really “crank my tractor.” This is something you might keep in mind, too.<br />
<br />
I’m something of a list addict—okay, maybe list maniac is more like it. Over the years, I’ve revised how I manage my lists so I don’t overwhelm myself with them and what’s on them—though, I can still get carried away when ideas flow. It may look messy or imprecise to others, but it’s a system that works for me.<br />
<br />
Here are 7 tips to help you manage or prevent overwhelm, especially for those of you who are list addicts too or don’t like lists and, perhaps, operate a bit on the disorganized side.<br />
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1. Stop looking at your physical or mental to-do list and focusing on what isn’t getting done. Key Lesson: To-do lists are to help you focus, not hold you hostage.<br />
2. When you feel overwhelmed by your list, either your energy and enthusiasm fold up and you do nothing or you run yourself ragged trying to clear items from the list—usually non-essential items instead of priorities. You do this to, hopefully, make that darn list smaller! But, of course, you continue to add items to your list, and you feel like you don’t make any real headway. As soon as you catch yourself doing either of these or about to, stop! And, go to the next tip.<br />
3. Prioritize! This may mean numbering items in order of importance or noting which are actually priorities (essential) and which aren’t (not essential).<br />
4. Dump some of the non-essential to-do items—or all of them—or give them to someone else to do, for pay or not, depending on the situation.<br />
5. Give about an hour a week to your to-do list to categorize items as Priority, Not A Priority But Needs Doing, and Non-Essential. Decide which priority or priorities will have your attention that week and decide on which days you’ll focus on which priorities. Include some time for non-priority items that do need to be completed by you or will create personal fulfillment.<br />
6. Remember to take breaks. Get up and move around or do something else for 5 to 10 minutes every hour. (When you focus on projects or tasks, eliminate as many interruptions as it’s realistic to do.) Be sure to take at least one full day each week (two is better), when you do nothing work-related, including thinking about anything work-related. This can make a huge difference in energy, enthusiasm, creativity, and yes, even in income. If you’re self-employed, stress from overwhelm can push success away from you. If employed, being productive, rather than frazzled and behind in your work, can justify pay raises, in your mind and your employer’s.<br />
7. Adjust your attitude. Find a way to make whatever you do a creative challenge for you, whatever that looks or feels like to you. “Martyrs” don’t have fun and aren’t fun to be around. If what you have to do isn’t pleasant, why are you doing it? Sometimes you have to do the unpleasant tasks, but sometimes you don’t. It also helps attitude to consider if what you do will be a genuine help to someone who relies on you for valid reasons. If you switched places with them, what attitude would you hope the other person demonstrated?<br />
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Another contributor to overwhelm is when your actions don’t show immediate results. You might give up or change course instead of look at what’s going on and what might lead to desired results. Impatience makes you chase lots of flashy things that seem to say, “Try me! Try me!” This is a big reason why success gets stalled—this, plus too many people believe they have to get it “right” and strike it big right away rather than improve and build gradually.<br />
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Overwhelm leads to lack of faith in yourself, leads to lack of faith that your desired result is possible. You may flip back and forth between, “This will work” and “This will never work,” which is stacking another form of overwhelm atop what’s already there. Overwhelm can lead you to undervalue you and what you offer—and even those you offer it to.<br />
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Really look at what your priorities are—what can actually lead to desired results. Really look at what aren’t priorities. Is there anything on your list that is a terrific idea but just doesn’t float your boat about doing it (and the decision to do it is yours alone)? Delete any of these you know you could or should, or recruit someone to handle them for you, if you truly believe they need to happen. But, don’t convince yourself non-essential items, or uninspiring ones, have to be done just because you wrote them down.<br />
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Keep in mind that life seldom happens in a straight line. Neither does goal or dream setting and getting. A plan-of-action helps you stay the course and get back on course when detours show up. You don’t have to be “perfectly” organized, but you benefit if you have a system that helps you be better organized, in a way that works for you.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
End procrastination and achieve desired change in a 2-month online course (see website) with Joyce Shafer, Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, & publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter promoting a blend of practical & spiritual approaches to life for personal development and self-realization. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-07-29:2227378:BlogPost:283290
2011-07-29T18:28:30.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
There are two types of overwhelm: the type that’s triggered by external events and the type you self-impose. Both can be managed with the same technique.<br />
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“I’m overwhelmed,” was my client’s first comment. You’ve been in that state of mind, and so have I. And, that’s what’s important to understand—overwhelm is a state of mind, not an actual event.<br />
<br />
Let’s look at a parallel situation. Say you’re hosting a holiday dinner, maybe for the first time, maybe not. Very few people, though there are some,…
There are two types of overwhelm: the type that’s triggered by external events and the type you self-impose. Both can be managed with the same technique.<br />
<br />
“I’m overwhelmed,” was my client’s first comment. You’ve been in that state of mind, and so have I. And, that’s what’s important to understand—overwhelm is a state of mind, not an actual event.<br />
<br />
Let’s look at a parallel situation. Say you’re hosting a holiday dinner, maybe for the first time, maybe not. Very few people, though there are some, would go to the store and push a cart up and down the aisles, believing the meal plan will come together for them as they do this. Most of us would hit overwhelm pretty quickly, especially if we want the meal to be a good one and the preparation to go smoothly.<br />
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You could avoid that overwhelm by sitting down with paper and pen, deciding on what’s to be served, what you have already, and what you need to get. At some point you might even write out a plan of when to start preparing each food item, when to set the table or lay out what your guests will use. You might even recruit helpers. You may feel somewhat anxious on the day because you want everything to go well, but you won’t feel overwhelmed—because you have a plan with steps to take—a strategy. And, yes, something unexpected may happen that makes your plan wobble, but it’s easier to address a wobble if what needs to be done is clear to you.<br />
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Any dream or goal, whether for business or personal fulfillment, deserves a strategy session. You’re told to take action and to take it fast. That works well for inspired ideas—ones that happen in a flash and create a particular feeling inside you when you get the idea and while you act on it. The rest of your ideas need some time spent on them so you know which actions to take, both the initial time you consider this plus some revisits and revisions, until you achieve your desired outcome.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, people procrastinate because they don’t practice using a strategy. The longer this continues the more fear stops them in their tracks, possibly for years, until they no longer believe in their ability to go after what they desire. I share such a story on the End Procrastination page on my website.<br />
<br />
Back to my client . . . when I asked her what her overwhelmed feeling was about, she shared something new she’s moving forward in her business and several other personal projects she feels strongly about. We discussed her need to spend productive time with each project, the need for research, when her most productive work time of the day is, and the need for her to create a list of what she is to work on each day—created the night before. We included flexibility to act on inspired ideas if they show up and want to bump her original plan over short-term.<br />
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She also had the thought, as many do, that maybe she should work on all of her ideas at once (which was part of the cause of her overwhelm); so, we discussed prioritizing. Years back I worked for someone who brought me three “priority” projects at once. I asked, “Which would you like completed first?” His answer was, “All of them.” I handled that situation; but you can see that you might do this to yourself, might think you have to work on everything at once, which is impossible, isn’t productive, and puts you into a state of self-imposed overwhelm.<br />
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I created a mind map. At the center is my core (business) purpose, what I choose to provide/create. I drew lines out from the core and added more circles at the end of each line that include ways I want to fulfill my core purpose. Each circle requires a strategy. Each circle can have its own mind map, if needed. Everything listed on that map is directly related to the core purpose. Some of the items are ones I do weekly. The others are prioritized and re-prioritized when I add new ideas or feel a particular inspiration about them.<br />
<br />
Some of you may have an aversion to mapping out a strategy. For some of you, the absence of a strategy may work—it’s rare, but it does happen for a few people, like shopping for a major dinner without a list and it works out. If you don’t fit into that rare category, you need a strategy, a plan, a map—call it whatever you want to that makes you feel on board with the process, but give yourself and your project(s) the time deserved so you know what you’re doing, why, when, and so on. Otherwise, you’ll stay crazy-busy being active, but not productive; or maybe you’ll be somewhat productive but also crazed by the activity involved and the undone items you feel looming. You’ll exhaust and overwhelm yourself, when you don’t have to. You’ll also move toward your desired result steadily, with fewer starts and stops.<br />
<br />
Steadily . . . One of the external causes of overwhelm these days is a result of some of the marketing going on where individuals lead you to believe you have to aim at becoming a gazillionaire overnight or by next week. How about letting those ideas go and just focus on creating a foundation of action so you get started and move forward consistently.<br />
<br />
Whether part of your purpose is to generate income or not, let how you can make a difference with each item listed—before a dollar (or praise)—guide you as you map out your strategy.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
WHERE Is the Best Place to Start
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-07-22:2227378:BlogPost:281528
2011-07-22T15:18:26.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
When you have a goal or dream in mind, do you ask yourself where the best place to start is? The answer is in the question: Where you’re going.<br />
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You’ve seen floor plan maps in public places like large malls, stores, or office buildings that let you see where shops, offices, or sections are located. Here’s what’s interesting about this: you might think the first thing you do is find the You Are Here X then look up where you want to go. But the first thing you do is THINK about WHERE you want to…
When you have a goal or dream in mind, do you ask yourself where the best place to start is? The answer is in the question: Where you’re going.<br />
<br />
You’ve seen floor plan maps in public places like large malls, stores, or office buildings that let you see where shops, offices, or sections are located. Here’s what’s interesting about this: you might think the first thing you do is find the You Are Here X then look up where you want to go. But the first thing you do is THINK about WHERE you want to go.<br />
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You may be one of many who approach goals or dreams by looking at where you are before you do anything. And, this may be an obstacle for you. Why? Because when you put your primary focus on where you are rather than on where you want to go, you open the floodgates for self-doubts and can come up with a number of reasons—or one big zinger—for why going after what you desire will be too difficult.<br />
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Before GPS, when you wanted to travel to a place you’d never been to, you didn’t look at a map of your city. Yet, that’s what we do when we focus on where we are instead of where we want to go. Once you know where you want to go, then you look at where you are and make a plan for how you’re going to get where you want to go. You even allow for pleasant surprises and detours along the way. You figure out the various aspects like money you may need or want to have on hand, how far your car can go before it needs fuel or what your comfort level is about filling up, stops to rest, and so on.<br />
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When you go for a goal or dream, you plan as much as you can, like for a road trip, and manage your way through what comes up that you didn’t include in your plan. Life always surprises us along the way. Sometimes the surprises bring even better opportunities and results than what you plan. Sometimes it’s an opportunity to find out how creative you can be.<br />
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You also want to watch not to pick up “hitchhikers” like fear that’s attached to the opinions of others. Carlos Castaneda said, "The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness. The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity."<br />
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Another “hitchhiker” may be discipline, or rather lack of, if you believe you don’t have enough self-discipline to do what it takes to go for a goal or dream. Therese Skelly wonderfully reframed what discipline is: integrity—meaning your personal integrity. So often, we believe integrity is all about how we engage others. That’s just one aspect. Do you act with the same integrity with you that you would with others?<br />
<br />
One of my coaching clients had put off a goal for five years, a goal she genuinely wanted. She allowed a lot of negative self-talk to block her; and the longer she waited, the worse she felt. By the time we began to work together, her self-esteem was way down there. She’d spent five years looking at where she was rather than where she wanted to go and how to get there. We explored what discipline looked like for her, integrated it into her day, and voila! Her integrity, discipline, self-talk, ability to take action steps that led her to her desired outcomes fell into place in a very short span of time. Five years of misery ended in two months… sooner actually.<br />
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If you’re hesitating to go for a dream or goal, check your focal point. It’s like archery: when you want to hit the bull’s eye, you don’t focus on your feet.<br />
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What will it cost you to go for your goal or dream? What will it cost you if you don’t?<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
What Is a Short Temper Fuse Really About?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-07-16:2227378:BlogPost:280120
2011-07-16T17:48:01.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
We all experience having a short fuse at times, though some seem to have this more often. What’s really going on; and can two simple methods make a difference?<br />
<br />
Thoughts that motivated my recent article, “Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?” didn’t stop when I typed the last word. I’d likened getting to the end of your patience or tolerance to a glass filling with liquid until it spills over. It’s the same with losing—or loosing—your temper.<br />
<br />
My thoughts about why…
We all experience having a short fuse at times, though some seem to have this more often. What’s really going on; and can two simple methods make a difference?<br />
<br />
Thoughts that motivated my recent article, “Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?” didn’t stop when I typed the last word. I’d likened getting to the end of your patience or tolerance to a glass filling with liquid until it spills over. It’s the same with losing—or loosing—your temper.<br />
<br />
My thoughts about why some people seem to have shorter “fuses” or what makes ours shorten at times brought to mind that same glass and what must be going on inside it: It either never really empties of negative emotions about many or particular matters, which means a lot of frustration and anger stays in that container—like a larger amount of aged oil under a smaller amount of new water—or maybe it fills up a bit more quickly than we might prefer.<br />
<br />
The words temper and temperance nudged me to look up their definitions. I knew that temper meant to modify into proper proportions, which includes feelings, thoughts, words, and actions. My dictionary also mentions to make suitable, desirable, or free from excess by mingling with something else; to moderate, mollify; to fit, adapt; calmness of mind; composure. Temperance is defined as self-restraint in conduct, expression, indulgences; moderation.<br />
<br />
Based on these definitions, we are or appear to be in a state of even temper or temperance, until someone does something or something happens that triggers us to think a certain way and attach a personal interpretation or meaning to it that throws us off balance. Our initial thoughts and the ones that follow cause us to lose our composure or self-restraint.<br />
<br />
Ah… and there’s a good question to keep in mind: are you more often in a state of composure or one of self-restraint? You can see which of the two would lead to living with a shorter fuse.<br />
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It’s likely that deeply angry, frustrated people exist with as much self-restraint as they can muster instead of feeling composed more of the time. So, it makes sense that their ability to stay composed might be hampered at times, which happens to all of us at one time or another. Add anything else into their “mix,” and they can easily short-circuit because they work harder than anyone imagines to maintain self-restraint. If you’ve ever struggled to maintain temper or practiced self-restraint, you understand.<br />
<br />
Whether from a psychological or spiritual perspective, short fuse or short-circuit demonstrates a need for a different power operating in your life than you’re using in that moment, and possibly the rest of the time. This power is an inner one—expanded conscious awareness, not will power, which is a self-imposed trap that puts our attention on what we judge as wrong with us. This power is one of head and heart alignment, which allows you to BE in accord with your Best Self and with the fact there is always a bigger-picture dynamic going on, not just the dynamic you identify with.<br />
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When we lose our temper, we are doubly frustrated because we identify with the painful fear that envelops us: we fear the loss of something or something more. Think of the last time you felt angry. What did you fear you might lose or felt you had lost? If your answer is, “I don’t know,” here’s my next question: if you DID know, what might it be? This is a great question because it causes your mind to seek, find, and provide the true answer. Once you know that, you can find a way to address the fear and your anger, if you choose to.<br />
<br />
Everyone gets angry. It’s a normal human emotion, and a bit like the story, Goldilocks: too much, too little, just right. Severe anger or a consistently short fuse may need management, whether this is addressed by a therapist or counselor, a coach, or a well-written book on the topic.<br />
<br />
When you feel angry, it’s important to take up to five slow, deep breaths. This isn’t as lame as it may sound, if you’ve never tried it. Try it now. It will relax you, at least some. When tense, your breath gets shallow; your brain doesn’t get enough oxygen to help you think clearly. It’s easier to temper strained emotions, or choose to, if you can think straight.<br />
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Also, every day write down or think about at least five things you appreciate and are thankful for. This IS important, especially if your thoughts stay focused on the “oil” more than the “water.” Even better is to really FEEL your appreciation for whatever you list. Add genuine appreciation thoughts and feelings to your container each day to push out some of the bad energy—displace some of that old oil with fresh, energizing water.<br />
<br />
I recall waiting for the express train at Penn Station in Manhattan. All around me were people of different races, cultures, and beliefs. Even though some demonstrated loss of temper, I was awed that we all got along as well as we did in the city—because we made an effort to do so—because there was more to gain and too much to lose if we didn’t make the effort.<br />
<br />
My point is to ask you to address loss of temper as needed, and place your focus on how well you actually do, for the most part, and expand this. For example, you know how someone might take a test and get 95 out of 100, but focuses on the fact 5 were missed? We tend to be like that at times: we focus on what’s not working, as though it’s the only truth, and forget to notice and appreciate the percentage that is working, all things considered.<br />
<br />
Based on what you’ve read here, what will you appreciate more about you and your life this week?<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-07-11:2227378:BlogPost:278994
2011-07-11T15:37:57.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Patience and tolerance are behaviors and states of mind to practice, right? How well do you do with them?<br />
<br />
Questions about Patience and Tolerance came to me after I spent extended time with someone who couldn’t seem to talk about anything that wasn’t unpleasant. All of us need a dose of healthy venting at times; but what I mean here is non-stop negative chatter about anything and everything, not conversation about a specific matter that genuinely needs attention or compassion. If such chatter…
Patience and tolerance are behaviors and states of mind to practice, right? How well do you do with them?<br />
<br />
Questions about Patience and Tolerance came to me after I spent extended time with someone who couldn’t seem to talk about anything that wasn’t unpleasant. All of us need a dose of healthy venting at times; but what I mean here is non-stop negative chatter about anything and everything, not conversation about a specific matter that genuinely needs attention or compassion. If such chatter goes on overlong, I get the heebie-jeebies.<br />
<br />
This person’s tendency is to be this way at times, so I’m not surprised when it happens. However, it was my reaction that got my attention. I noticed I was practicing patience, which meant I was pretending to be patient; and that when my pretend patience waned, I slipped (very briefly) into tolerance, which meant I’d actually slipped into pretend tolerance, which is intolerance.<br />
<br />
My dictionary defines patience as bearing or enduring pain, trouble, etc., without complaining or losing self-control; refusing to be provoked or angered; calmly tolerating delay, confusion, inefficiency, etc.; able to wait calmly for something desired. Tolerance is defined as to allow, permit, or not interfere; to recognize and respect others’ beliefs, practices, etc., without sharing them; to bear or put up with someone or something not especially liked. Wow… that’s quite a bit to live up to.<br />
<br />
I’d have to say that asking ourselves to uphold these definitions all the time would be asking a lot. But, don’t we usually believe we’re supposed to be this way, and that we’re flawed if we aren’t? We may think we should be more patient or tolerant, but what we ultimately want is to feel differently than we do so we behave differently than we might.<br />
<br />
The words we don’t see with the definitions—the words we believe we should feel, which are the source of mixed feelings are, “and you are genuinely in balance about doing so.” The word “calmly” is included in the definitions, but it’s more realistic to say we try to convince ourselves to stay calm, when we know we’re losing our cool. The more we try to suppress what we feel, the more our feelings begin to escape as facial expressions and body language, comments, and actions—like steam from a kettle starting to boil.<br />
<br />
Maybe what we actually practice is demonstrating as much self-control as we can muster in moments that try our patience and tolerance. When we were kids, we screamed, cried, and threw stuff—behaviors not considered acceptable in anyone over a certain age. As adults, perhaps we do allow ourselves some leeway… like the point a doctor made about allergies: “Imagine allergens filling your system like liquid fills a glass. You’re fine until the glass is full and spills over. The overflow is when you experience allergies.” I see the parallel to loss of patience and tolerance, which means we could probably give ourselves more credit than we might.<br />
<br />
It feels like this to me: In general, we tolerate a level of behaviors and situations because we all have our ways, both good and could-be-better; and we really do desire to get along as well as possible with others and life. When “stuff” piles up, like being rushed, exhausted, have too much going on, too great a personality contrast, etc., our “glass” overflows and we feel less able to “politely” suppress how we really feel. Once we feel pushed too far (more accurately: once we think ourselves into feeling we’ve been pushed too far), we’re no longer able or willing to put up with what annoys us. It’s not about losing patience and tolerance—we will; it’s about what we do when we lose it.<br />
<br />
When patience and tolerance are challenging to maintain, or fly out the window, it’s time to look at what’s underneath this. It’s likely that something has continued past its “expiration date.” It could be something external or internal that needs reassessment and adjustment.<br />
<br />
It’s likely you have a greater threshold of tolerance and patience at times, say, when you assist someone who’s ill or train a new puppy. It doesn’t mean that you won’t slip if challenged beyond what your “glass” can hold, but you may be slower at being triggered during such times because you have an inner alignment about your role in what’s going on. That’s what’s underneath patience and tolerance, and their opposites: Your level of personal alignment with what’s going on.<br />
<br />
Explore what causes you to feel anything but at one with yourself, who you’re with, your environment, or events. There’s a message waiting for you there from your core self—a message about an inner or outer action you need to make to restore inner balance and serenity.<br />
<br />
Judgment about yourself, or who or what tries your patience won’t help; it’ll make your symptoms worse because that’s what you focus on rather than the remedy. Take several deep breaths. Maybe walk away from who or what triggers you for several minutes to regain some of your calm. You want to be present enough to ask right questions like, “What’s this really about; and what am I willing to do, with integrity, about it.” Otherwise, you may pretend patience and tolerance, until you no longer can. Then the “steam hits the fan,” when you might have been able to turn down the “flame.”<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.
Life Is Not Supposed to Be All About Problems
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-07-01:2227378:BlogPost:276605
2011-07-01T18:06:35.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Do you wake every day, move through your day, and go to bed with problems on your mind? Maybe you’d like to do something about that right now.<br />
<br />
What can you do that’s quick? Reframe the problem or your perceptions about it to make a difference, even if just a small shift at first.<br />
<br />
I listened to an interview with Marcia Wieder and she said something like, “Life is not meant to be just about addressing problems.” How often you might feel that your days are all about problems! Maybe thinking that…
Do you wake every day, move through your day, and go to bed with problems on your mind? Maybe you’d like to do something about that right now.<br />
<br />
What can you do that’s quick? Reframe the problem or your perceptions about it to make a difference, even if just a small shift at first.<br />
<br />
I listened to an interview with Marcia Wieder and she said something like, “Life is not meant to be just about addressing problems.” How often you might feel that your days are all about problems! Maybe thinking that way has become a habit.<br />
<br />
Marcia’s statement brought my thoughts back several years, to a call with my Life Coach. He listened to me for a while and asked, “Have you ever noticed how many times you use the word ‘problem’?” He had me there, and I was glad he brought it to my attention. Someone in my life consistently says, “We have a problem.” I’d become so accustomed to hearing it that I didn’t even realize I was using the word so often (and experiencing all that goes with it).<br />
<br />
What happens to your energy when you say or think, “I have a problem” or even “There’s a problem”? Do your thoughts immediately go to or open to possible solutions? Not really, huh? You focus on the fact there’s a problem or that a problem is perceived. How can you reframe this?<br />
<br />
Here’s an example from my past. The due date for a monthly bill loomed. Expected funds hadn’t arrived. I reclaimed units of Truth and calmed myself. Unexpected funds came to me, which meant I could mail the check and have extra left over. Except… I verified the deposit had cleared and saw a lower online balance from my check register, caused by an annual automated charge. The company had always emailed a notice a few weeks early so I could plan for it. They hadn’t this time.<br />
<br />
At first I was disappointed. Then I recognized how I’d been “looked after” from a higher level than physical reality. It was an Instant Reframe Moment, because I could have stayed in the mental-emotional place that believed I had less than I could have had, or life was unfair, or any number of negative perceptions. Instead, I chose to acknowledge I’d been “looked after” at that time, as I had before, and would be again.<br />
<br />
Being in problem mode and in a negative perception state can become a bad habit, without you even realizing it. It can make you not only anticipate problems but also amplify severity of situations that arise—through your thoughts about them—beyond what they really represent or present. This can cause you to ignore what shows up to assist you or to not see what shows up for what it is.<br />
<br />
A friend of mine had this habit mixed in with the perception that everything had to be “larger than life” to have real value. One Saturday we spoke on the phone about a “problem” she had. My intuition said to suggest she go to a metaphysical bookstore and let a book find her. She agreed to do this. We spoke a few hours later and she insisted she’d found nothing. My inner knowing said otherwise. She finally said, “I did find a book, but it’s just a small one.” I asked which one. “Life was never meant to be a struggle,” she answered. Oh boy. The physical book could fit inside a shirt pocket and not show. Her skewed perceptions about a “little” book caused her to miss the big message for her in the title, alone.<br />
<br />
Our perceptions can cause us to wear blinders so that we look in only one direction, usually a negative or limiting one. A habit of labeling events and feelings according to these perceptions closes us off from seeing things differently.<br />
<br />
Stuff happens—and for reasons we don’t always understand; but here are four questions to ask when you want to check whether your perceptions about events or situations are working for you:<br />
• What else might be going on? (Negative perceptions limit “visibility”!)<br />
• Is there any value to me at the inner or outer levels; and if not apparent now, what about in the future? (There’s always inner-level value; and hindsight often shows a “brilliance” orchestrated the events—if we allow ourselves to see this.)<br />
• In what way does this event ask me to be creative? (This could be at the inner, outer, or both levels.)<br />
• Do situations (or I) change quicker if I get tense or if I allow serenity in? (You know this one is a no-brainer. If you’re a prickly cactus energy-wise, nothing comes close to you. Smooth your “surface,” and whatever IT is gives you a big hug.)<br />
<br />
If your perception about a “problem” is that it’s an opportunity to be creative, or to learn and grow, is it still a problem of the same magnitude? If you reframe it this way, does it still have the same emotional charge for you?<br />
<br />
Marcia asked listeners to consider what their relationship is with their personal power. You are an infinite soul, a creative consciousness engaging a physical experience; not just a problem solver or someone who just has problems. Practice being a creative and a creative solver; and use your reframing skills to allow you to experience events from a more positive or productive perspective. There are likely some matters in your life right now you could apply this approach to. Maybe start with some of the simpler ones.<br />
<br />
Dustin Hoffman, as Mr. Magorium, in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, says to his assistant: “Life is an occasion. Rise to it.” That’s what “problems” are, actually: Occasions we have the opportunity to rise to, whatever that means for us as individuals, and in ways appropriate and authentic for us (not based on the opinions of others).<br />
<br />
Will you choose to rise to or through your personal power or sink into negative thinking today?<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Is Trying to Be Positive Making You Negative?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-06-24:2227378:BlogPost:275440
2011-06-24T20:40:57.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Do you ever feel trying to be positive is more like one step forward and two or more steps back? There is a good reason you feel this way.<br />
<br />
You may believe you’re obligated to be positive 24/7; and that if you were, everything about your life you don’t like would shift to what you want. And, you’ve likely discovered that “Fake it till you make it” doesn’t work. It may even make you feel worse.<br />
<br />
TRYING to be positive causes you to dwell on this as something you SHOULD be when you aren’t.…
Do you ever feel trying to be positive is more like one step forward and two or more steps back? There is a good reason you feel this way.<br />
<br />
You may believe you’re obligated to be positive 24/7; and that if you were, everything about your life you don’t like would shift to what you want. And, you’ve likely discovered that “Fake it till you make it” doesn’t work. It may even make you feel worse.<br />
<br />
TRYING to be positive causes you to dwell on this as something you SHOULD be when you aren’t. Underneath your efforts is hidden the fact that trying causes you to practice the opposite—without realizing it.<br />
<br />
Let’s take a more in-depth look at this. Let’s parallel the energy expression we call reality to water. And, let’s parallel our emotionally-charged thoughts to objects of various sizes and weights. Negative is heavy, positive is light. Drop something heavy enough into a certain amount of water and it sinks. Lighter objects always rise to the surface.<br />
<br />
When you focus on the negative, you add more weight to what has your attention and you go down, down, down—near or to the bottom of your ability to express energy, creativity, and vitality on your behalf. This includes judging What Is as negative rather than looking at What Is and asking questions like, What opportunities exist here? There are always numerous inner and outer opportunities waiting for you to find them and make use of them. When you do, your energy gets lighter and you rise to the surface—you rise to the occasion.<br />
<br />
The reason we follow the path of negative thought when something happens (or just “because”) is because of a habit we subconsciously believe is effective. It runs something like this: Something happens (or doesn’t). You feel upset, and your level of upset matches the level of severity YOU assign to what’s happened or is going on. By habit, you slip into judgment rather than assessment.<br />
<br />
You start first by subconsciously looking for filed programs that match the current one as closely as possible. Like a high-speed recording—moving so fast you don’t even realize it’s running—you replay past voices and memories, starting earlier than you consciously recall and moving forward, until the moment you’re in. Certain statements or memories stand out, and they do so because one of your habits is to look for the right judgment that fits. When you find statements that match how harshly you believe you have to judge yourself, in relation to what’s happening, you’ll pluck them from the rushing stream of thoughts and repeat them to yourself. If you admonish and punish yourself, you’ll do and be better. How’s this worked so far?<br />
<br />
What happens is you don’t use your own “eyes,” heart, mind, spirit, experience, or wisdom to look at What Is. You allow in the thoughts, perceptions, and judgments of others—it’s a habit, a bad one; and you aren’t alone in falling back on it. How many of your habitual mental behavior patterns are really yours, or belong to others?<br />
<br />
Once you’ve selected the “appropriate” judgments from others regarding how you “should” feel and respond, you add your own to these. As someone who travels the personal development path, you compound this by judging yourself based on where you think you “should” be, instead of allowing yourself to go there. You add weight to the situation by imposing some or a great deal of negativity to it. From the Talmud: “When you add to the truth, you subtract from it.”<br />
<br />
How often do we experience something and NOT add our weighted perceptions to it? This is a habit shared by many. When we add negativity, we subtract from the Truth of who we really are, what we’re capable of, and the fact there is a “bigger picture” than the one we see (and judge). This includes judging ourselves if we aren’t positive 24/7, or if we try to convince ourselves we’re positive when we aren’t.<br />
<br />
You can’t convince your conscious self to be positive when opposite judgments are running in your subconscious. Neither does it work to add more negativity into the mix. What works is simple—not necessarily easy, but simple: Use the power you have and are to connect with a feeling from a memory that moves you to feel genuine appreciation about something, until you ARE in a state of appreciation.<br />
<br />
If you’ve practiced negative thinking long-term, you may have to start with releasing judgment about this before you move into deliberately choosing positive thoughts. When you feel negative, ask yourself if it’s understandable that you do. It is, isn’t it? If it’s understandable, you don’t need to judge it, do you? But neither do you need to stew in it.<br />
<br />
You can’t get into a positive state by judging your negative feelings. It won’t work to say, “I HAVE to get or be positive!” Instead, ask, “How can I raise my energy, even a bit, right now? If I can raise it, will I?” Small shifts have positive effects.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
State of Appreciation (Issue 134) is now live at<br />
<a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Is Self Esteem an Issue for You?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-06-18:2227378:BlogPost:274083
2011-06-18T16:08:50.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Are you a member of the Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Club? What you’re about to read may inspire you to cancel your membership.<br />
<br />
One of the times you feel low self-esteem and self-worth is when you’re around someone you believe, according to your perception, has more going for them than you have, whatever that is… money, success, a relationship, more stuff, etc. I say “perception” because no one has a perfect life or does everything perfectly all the time. But, people with self-esteem and…
Are you a member of the Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Club? What you’re about to read may inspire you to cancel your membership.<br />
<br />
One of the times you feel low self-esteem and self-worth is when you’re around someone you believe, according to your perception, has more going for them than you have, whatever that is… money, success, a relationship, more stuff, etc. I say “perception” because no one has a perfect life or does everything perfectly all the time. But, people with self-esteem and self-worth issues may imagine this to be a fact about others, when it isn’t. Another time is when you’re around authority figures, which also gets addressed.<br />
<br />
What happens when you’re with those people? Are you your authentic shining self, or do you sit quietly and try not to take up too much space? What’s this about, anyway?<br />
<br />
When you doubt your self-worth, you’re afraid to be yourself, especially around people in authority or are successful, real or perceived.<br />
<br />
Maybe you’ve noticed that when you’re with friends who know the real you—and still love you (grin)—that you can be who you are and do so with ease. Put you in the same room with a person you feel intimidated by, for whatever reason—a professional or personal acquaintance, or family member—and, what happens to you? The real YOU, likely, goes into hiding.<br />
<br />
I think it was Ram Dass who said, “If you want to know how enlightened you are, spend a week with your parents.” If someone as highly regarded as Ram Dass can recognize this truth (or whichever wise person said it), then we can ease up on ourselves, don’t you think?<br />
<br />
Tony Robbins had Beverly Kingsley join him on stage to talk about her weight issue. Progress was being made when Tony asked her why she now knew she had true value and worth. Beverly’s answer: “Because God doesn’t make junk.”<br />
<br />
That’s about the most straight-forward response any of us could ever hear. We can cause human creations to perceive themselves as junk goods, but no creation starts out feeling that way—including, or especially, you… no matter what anyone told you or tried to convince you about YOU that is different from this truth.<br />
<br />
It is unfortunate that people who were caused to feel low self-esteem and self-worth passed it on or inflicted it on you and others. But, even if they admit they did what they did, it won’t change the internal programs you’re running about this. You have to do that.<br />
<br />
The next time you feel unworthy or intimidated when around one or more people, consider using these tips:<br />
• Remind yourself that Source doesn’t make junk.<br />
• Take a deep breath, or a few, and straighten your posture, whether you’re sitting or standing. It’s pretty difficult to feel like you’re less when you deliberately take up a bit more space (meaning, avoid folding your body inward, as though you need to protect it or close up like a telescope). Let your arms rest naturally on armrests of a chair, or find whatever posture feels natural but uses more of the air space around you (and repeat the first tip to yourself).<br />
• Remind yourself that anything other than the truth of your uniqueness and unique contribution to life (whether you know what this is or not) is a lie. And, the most important person who needs to know this is you. This includes honoring your efforts about any aspect of your life you’re currently in the act of improving now.<br />
• If you feel anxious in the presence of people who stir up such feelings, focus on being interested rather than interesting. 1) You’ll learn things; 2) it takes the pressure off of you to do anything other than ask good questions; and 3) it’ll make others happy to talk about themselves. If you really don’t like the person and it’s your choice to be around them, give thought to why you choose to be in their company. Vote with your feet, whenever you can or need to.<br />
• If someone is a genuine problem to be with—abusive in any way, including verbally, please know that you don’t have to be around such people. Never endanger yourself, but do keep in mind that some people are actually bullies without bite. You may find that if you stand up to them, they back down. If they don’t, you want to give thought to continuing the relationship or not.<br />
<br />
These are quick-fixes, though they can have lasting, positive effects on you, if you put them into practice. A more lasting “fix” requires you to reach the point where your opinion about you is the one that matters most. And, this is the most important point to keep in mind: If you chose to NOT think thoughts that “nurture” low self-esteem and self-worth, who and how would you BE? Someone may have planted the seed, but we are the ones who decide to feed it or weed it.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Are You Stuck in Survival Mode?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-06-10:2227378:BlogPost:272988
2011-06-10T19:03:59.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Another word for survival mode is stress. When stressed, we tend to become something we don’t really want to be: self-absorbed. There is a way out.<br />
<br />
An associate brought me up to date on her project. I offered a particular level of assistance. Here’s what she wrote back: “You’re so sweet to even care. In these times it almost feels like no one cares; everyone is so self-absorbed.” She did add that she might have been feeling sorry for herself at the moment. But, her comments reflect what goes…
Another word for survival mode is stress. When stressed, we tend to become something we don’t really want to be: self-absorbed. There is a way out.<br />
<br />
An associate brought me up to date on her project. I offered a particular level of assistance. Here’s what she wrote back: “You’re so sweet to even care. In these times it almost feels like no one cares; everyone is so self-absorbed.” She did add that she might have been feeling sorry for herself at the moment. But, her comments reflect what goes on for all of us at one time or another—both on the giving and receiving ends, and especially during this time when so much is changing and fairly often.<br />
<br />
Here’s some of what Adam King, creator of The Tessera Method, explained about survival mode.<br />
<br />
When you feel threatened, your survival mode kicks into gear. Survival mode focuses most of your attention on helping yourself out of the threatening or potentially threatening situation. In survival mode your ability to show altruism or even love is diminished, and you push people away—literally and energetically. The thing about feeling threatened is that it can either be a real threat or it can be something you fear might happen.<br />
<br />
If you’ve had a lot of stress in your life, for an extended interval of time or long-term, you may have an over-active stress response. You always feel anxious. Perhaps your stomach stays upset, or you gain weight, or you have frequent headaches. Maybe you don’t go out of your home, except to work. An over-active stress response causes you to bypass creative thought and reflection, and go right to response mode, which leads you to jump to a conclusion and believe your conclusion is true, when it may not be.<br />
<br />
I spoke with someone who’d had cross words with an associate. For days, she’d been replaying what each of them had said, each time stressing herself more and more. She’s mentally engaging a problem she desires a solution to, which is why she keeps replaying it. Solutions would be to end the relationship (not desired) or to mend it (desired). Since two people with hurt feelings are involved, both have to want to mend it and in a way that satisfies both. But trying to solve this in her mind by replaying the problem on a non-stop loop will not create a desired result, only an ever-expanding perceived threat. Only right action will resolve this, one way or another.<br />
<br />
Many of us today do not take time to reflect on what we see or hear. We pass information through our own (often) distorted filters—meaning we pull up past memories of experiences and convince ourselves what happened then must be happening again. We literally experience all sorts of trials and battles in our minds, when we aren’t actually engaged in them, whether that’s at all or just in the moment we’re in.<br />
<br />
This leads to what King calls Automatic Negative Processing, where we try to find an answer for a problem or question that doesn’t exist—or a real problem that does exist, but we filter suggested changes through our survival mode and ignore them, because processing is a more comfortable place than changing is. When we are in an immediate situation, we take some kind of action. But think about how often it’s really happening mostly in our minds. When we do that, we have two problems: the one that needs a solution and the one we’ve created by feeding the stress we feel about an actual or possible situation or outcome.<br />
<br />
If you’ve ever wondered why you replay and replay the same junk thoughts over and over in your mind (stressing yourself even more), it’s because your brain is designed to tell you when a problem is solved. You can solve a real problem, but you cannot solve an imaginary one. So your brain reminds you repeatedly that an imaginary problem—which has no solution—is still unsolved. You stay in survival mode. Your stress increases. You enter into suffering, and you expand your self-absorption. You go into what King calls “lock-down,” where you are stuck in place. Your physical, mental, and emotional expressions become all about you. You do have to look out for your best interests, but there’s a big difference between appropriate self-interest and being self-absorbed.<br />
<br />
Any time you feel uncertain—about an outcome, a solution, how you’ll perform, etc., this causes you to put yourself first in your mind and energy expression; although, you might pop out of this in an emergency or if your help is really needed. This causes you to not allow anyone else to come first (before your feelings) and it puts pressure on you to attempt to perform in a situation you don’t have a solution for. If you feel pushed or pressured in any way at such times, your level of stress can go “through the roof.”<br />
<br />
Feeling this way can cause you to say and do things that won’t create outcomes you truly desire. Or, it may cause you to be stuck in inaction. What helps? Do something positive or beneficial for someone else. Being able to see beyond ourselves and our self-interests will cause us to feel better, but it also allows us to act the way we prefer to act. When you focus on being of benefit to others, you exit survival mode; the two cannot fill the same space. This doesn’t mean you become a servant or start doing a lot of things for others that aren’t appropriate for you (or them). You want to feel good, not like a martyr. It means that you look for ways to create win-win scenarios and environments.<br />
<br />
When you’re in survival mode—and you probably can nod your head about this—clarity, focus, and purpose go out the window. It’s a simple but not necessarily easy fact that our Good flows to us when we are relaxed, when we are enjoying life and what we do and who we do it with, and when we do what results in our feeling fulfilled—that we made a valuable contribution or made a real difference for one or more others.<br />
<br />
With all the changes that have gone on and needed restructuring still being figured out, many people have slipped into survival mode. It’s understandable. The fact is that we all slip into this mode at times; it’s getting stuck there that we’re talking about now. The way out of this mode and how it affects us and others is to focus on win-win solutions for issues that need attention. It can also be as simple as making a friendly connection to someone providing a service to you, holding the door open for someone, letting someone with fewer items go before you at the checkout register. It doesn’t always require a grand gesture.<br />
<br />
Here’s a small step in the right direction: Instead of thinking about what you HAVE to do, maybe think about what you GET to do, while you’re still here.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
State of Appreciation (Issue 132) is now live at<br />
<a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
5 Questions to Help You Become Your Authentic Self
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-06-03:2227378:BlogPost:269693
2011-06-03T17:41:58.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
It’s a complaint you and many others may share: I don’t feel authentic! These 5 questions can help you change this.<br />
<br />
If you feel inauthentic, you already know how painful that can be. If you’re a people-pleaser, you know how painful that can be, too. If you feel the real you lives behind a façade, or worse, you aren’t even sure who the real you is any more, use these five questions to shake your authentic self loose from the ties that bind it. I got the five questions from Jairek Robbins, who…
It’s a complaint you and many others may share: I don’t feel authentic! These 5 questions can help you change this.<br />
<br />
If you feel inauthentic, you already know how painful that can be. If you’re a people-pleaser, you know how painful that can be, too. If you feel the real you lives behind a façade, or worse, you aren’t even sure who the real you is any more, use these five questions to shake your authentic self loose from the ties that bind it. I got the five questions from Jairek Robbins, who got them from someone else… and they are powerful!<br />
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1. When you were a child, who did you most want love from—not who you got the most love from—but who you wanted love from most?<br />
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You probably know exactly who this is. It’s the person whose approval you felt you didn’t have, and you really wanted to win it, whether you “danced to their tune” or you didn’t.<br />
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2. What did you have to be (in your mind’s perception) for the person to give you the love you wanted?<br />
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Did you have to be smart, pretty, thin, athletic, an achiever, domestic, hard worker, tough, disciplined, frugal, always working, always in control of your emotions, nice, perfect manners, quiet, clever… Were you expected to be the opposite of any of these or others you list? Jairek didn’t cover this, but were there any contrasting expectations from both parents or caregivers, if you grew up with two? It can be exhausting to try to please two or more people who have different expectations of you. Author Barbara Sher has had workshop attendees make a collage to show an image representation of everyone’s expectations of them. One woman completed hers and said, “There! Now everyone is happy but me.”<br />
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3. Who could you NEVER be, because you knew (in your mind’s perception, or in reality) the person would immediately take their love away from you?<br />
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Were you a tomboy whose mother expected you to dress in frilly clothes and bake cakes instead of climb trees and catch frogs? Were you expected to always be in control of your emotions, and now you can’t feel your life the way you know you’d like to? Were you a boy expected to be athletic but you were really a creative at heart? Expected to be tough, but you’re really tenderhearted? Jairek didn’t cover this either, but what about mixed messages from that person like be nun-like and highly popular at school, or be successful but don’t take any risks? Were there contrasting requirements you tried to meet for two parents or caregivers? Perhaps, “Be successful, but never do better than we have.” Can you see how this one can cause you to hit a wall any time you try to succeed?<br />
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4. Who are you today?<br />
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Is it still who you thought you had to be for them, or who you really are? Are you still trying to fit the person’s mold for you, whether they’re alive or not?<br />
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5. Who do you have to be from this day forward to align with what you desire and deserve in your own life?<br />
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What would you have to adjust? Do you need more structure, less structure? Do you need to work harder, work less? Do you need to laugh more, to allow yourself to feel more, to have more joy, to have playtimes; to aim at fulfillment instead of just achievement?<br />
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These five questions are worth planning private time so you can give them—give YOU—the attention needed. Will answering the questions and seeing what’s what immediately shift you into feeling and living as your authentic self? I can’t answer that. But, it’s possible you’ll have to do like many of us and take it one day at a time.<br />
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Also, remember not to play the blame game. Whoever did whatever to you more than likely had a problem with their authenticity. Compassion has its place here. Knowing who did what may help you process, but hitching your life onto blame will never help you progress. However, you may need to write a letter to the person and burn it so you get some of your anger out. If you try to let them off the hook too soon, you may take on the blame. Understand, as Barbara Sher stated, “We all try to prove our parents right.” This means if you thought you could make an unhappy parent or caregiver happy by being other than you were born as, you’ve had a frustrating time. Anger about this is understandable. Anger held too long hides a deep hurt. Express it to yourself in the letter (even if they admit fault, that won’t change your programming) then use these questions to discover who you really are so you figure out how to move forward.<br />
<br />
Make lists for questions 1 through 4. Make another list to the side and rate each listed item as “Is me,” “Isn’t me,” “Sometimes me.” The second list isn’t to be rated according to how you behave now to fit the first list, but what you know is true about your true self, the self you keep hidden. It could be quite an adventure… to discover, explore, and allow your authentic self to take flight, and maybe even soar. At the very least, you can expand your self-esteem and joy.<br />
<br />
Practice makes progress.<br />
State of Appreciation (Issue 131) is now live at<br />
<a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
What Else Can Your Negativity Cost You?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-05-27:2227378:BlogPost:268225
2011-05-27T17:52:34.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
You are aware of some costs to you from being negative—too aware, likely. But there’s a new way it might cost you, and it’s not on the horizon, it’s happening now.<br />
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How easy it is to slip into negativity, especially when we’re frustrated or disappointed. That kind of approach to life situations is all around us. When we do this, we believe we’re being practical, logical. And we get burned by it each time we do it. When we do this, we’re saying that Spirit does not exist in every individual,…
You are aware of some costs to you from being negative—too aware, likely. But there’s a new way it might cost you, and it’s not on the horizon, it’s happening now.<br />
<br />
How easy it is to slip into negativity, especially when we’re frustrated or disappointed. That kind of approach to life situations is all around us. When we do this, we believe we’re being practical, logical. And we get burned by it each time we do it. When we do this, we’re saying that Spirit does not exist in every individual, every event, every moment. It’s an amnesia that takes hold of us for as long as we tell ourselves whatever keeps that discomforting feeling alive in us.<br />
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When we do finally allow a “calm serenity of thought,” as Ernest Holmes wrote, we notice that changes take place, positive changes or shifts that evolve into something for our benefit. Life events calm down, a solution or resolution arrives, something inevitably shifts—most especially us.<br />
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Maybe you’ve had this experience and, like me, you shake your head and wonder why you couldn’t or didn’t get out of negativity faster. Why is it that we slip out of gear so easily? Because it’s what we and many around us often practice. We confuse it with being proactive. Interestingly, there are those in the world who now pay attention to this in ways we, perhaps, didn’t anticipate.<br />
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The CEO of a company told an interviewer that his due diligence, when he considers hiring a new employee, is to research each person’s social sites. If there are occasions of negative postings but the majority are positive, they’ll discuss what was going on for the person at such times. If all postings are negative, or the majority are, they will not hire the person. He clarified that there’s a difference in having an opinion and being negative; that opinions well stated are acceptable, but not incessant negativity. They also look to see if the person’s personality is revealed, as well. The thought behind this is that people would rather be invited into a workplace where who they are is accepted by their associates from the start.<br />
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This kind of puts a damper on the value society has placed on being cynical and negative as a way of life or as a form of cleverness (unless you’re a well paid acerbic comedian), and asks us to reassess our responses, reactions, and behaviors. If what this CEO does catches on, an addiction to negativity may cost us in more ways than ones we’re familiar with.<br />
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Most of us carry learned negativity; and what we learned has become our first response or reaction when we’re triggered. We believe so many things that hold us back and keep us negative. Holmes stated what we must do to stop this cycle: renew the mind—as often as it takes; and it may take a lot of renewing. You might even say we need to re-knew or re-know the mind—retrain it, that is.<br />
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Re-knowledge your mind with what you know is true about spiritual laws. You use them all the time, even if you aren’t conscious of it. Don’t aim at never having another negative thought or feeling—that’s not the target—and thinking it is will create unnecessary inner turmoil. Nor is it healthy to believe you can’t vent. Just choose where, to whom, and how you vent with more conscious awareness.<br />
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Aim at re-minding yourself of the truth a bit sooner each time you’re triggered. Re-mind yourself to pay attention to your thoughts and transform them as needed. As the saying goes, this is simple but not necessarily easy. But, it will get easier the more often you remind yourself to use what creates the inner and outer experiences you desire. And remember that you always have to start with the inner.<br />
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Not doing this has already cost you. Don’t allow it to cost you even more in the future, in ways you’ve yet to anticipate.<br />
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Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
State of Appreciation (Issue 130) is now live at<br />
<a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Is Your Mental House Divided?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-05-20:2227378:BlogPost:266808
2011-05-20T17:14:54.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Is Your Mental House Divided?<br />
<br />
You know so much about Law of Attraction, you could teach something about it to others. But, living it in faith consistently? That’s another matter.<br />
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After all my experiences of the Universe working in my favor and doing what I know works, I still bump into times when old program tapes can be triggered to run in certain situations. At such times, I momentarily forget I know anything about Law of Attraction or that I have a lifetime of proof that the Law works—All…
Is Your Mental House Divided?<br />
<br />
You know so much about Law of Attraction, you could teach something about it to others. But, living it in faith consistently? That’s another matter.<br />
<br />
After all my experiences of the Universe working in my favor and doing what I know works, I still bump into times when old program tapes can be triggered to run in certain situations. At such times, I momentarily forget I know anything about Law of Attraction or that I have a lifetime of proof that the Law works—All The Time.<br />
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I was going through one of THOSE times recently, and something became obvious to me: my mental house was divided. The negative internal gremlin became quite a chatterbox; and I bet you know what I’m talking about when I say I was uncomfortable… big-time. Whenever we step away from faith (absence of doubt) in how the Universe works, it hurts us in more ways than one.<br />
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No matter what we know about how Law of Attraction works or admit to the fact it’s never not working, we can still get trapped into finding our faith limited by paying more attention to what’s happened in the past than on what is really and truly possible right now. At such times, our conscious mind is affected by our subconscious expectations (learned levels of faith), and we block better experiences—and more often than not, get what we subconsciously expect.<br />
<br />
Ernest Holmes wrote:<br />
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“A sense of separation from good causes us to feel restricted; while a sense of our Unity with GOOD changes the currents of Causation and brings a happier condition into the experience….Man’s individuality enables him to make such use of the Law as he desires. He is bound, not by limitation but by limited thought. The same power which binds him will free him when he understands the Law to be one of liberty and not of bondage. The power within man can free him from all distasteful conditions if the Law governing this power is properly understood and utilized.”<br />
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When you find yourself in a funk and off the path of faith that the Universe works in your favor, how do you get back on it? That’s a real question I’m asking. How do YOU get back on it? You might be triggered by others or events, but no one and nothing can make you lose your faith, just as no one and nothing can get you back on track. You have to agree to get off and agree to get back on. You’re human—you’ll get off the path at times. Getting back on is a process that requires consistent practice.<br />
<br />
Think of a cup filled with murky water. You could dump the water out, wash the cup, and refill it with clean water. Or, you could pour a stream of water into the cup and know that over time only clean water would fill the cup. It’s like this with negative thoughts both obvious in the conscious mind and buried in the subconscious mind. It isn’t very often someone is able to simply empty, wash, and refill when it comes to negative programming. The process for most of us is usually more like the second option, where we consistently add new, better thoughts that eventually flush out the murky ones. The thing is that we have to do this until it makes a difference, then keep doing it to maintain and expand our positive results.<br />
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What often messes with us is our impatience caused by tension. It can’t be emphasized enough: Stress and strain block energy and flow of good things to us; relaxed and trusting allows energy to flow and work as it should—in our best interest.<br />
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Keeping the faith may be a challenge at times, but we know that Faith + Relaxed = Desired Results (and even better ones).<br />
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Practice makes progress.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
State of Appreciation (Issue 129) is now live and ready to empower you at<br />
<a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Does Your Subconscious Insist That You Resist?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-05-13:2227378:BlogPost:265384
2011-05-13T20:41:39.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Resistance is an automatic reaction to undesirables in your life. Resistance may seem natural, even right, but some instances of resistance cost you big-time.<br />
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Resistance creates more things to resist. It creates a constant stream of negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings expressed verbally, physically, or internally through health imbalances and uninspired life experiences.<br />
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Look at anything you resist in your life: status of relationships, finances, career, etc. If your desire is…
Resistance is an automatic reaction to undesirables in your life. Resistance may seem natural, even right, but some instances of resistance cost you big-time.<br />
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Resistance creates more things to resist. It creates a constant stream of negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings expressed verbally, physically, or internally through health imbalances and uninspired life experiences.<br />
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Look at anything you resist in your life: status of relationships, finances, career, etc. If your desire is strong for anything to NOT be what it is, you are in Resistance. No matter what you do or say about it, this resistance will cause what you do not want anymore of to continue and possibly expand.<br />
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Note: You have a right and responsibility to NOT engage with anything or anyone you know you are better off without (negative people, news, events, etc.) when you can choose otherwise. And, as challenging as it may seem, you really can choose what you feel and therefore think, say, and do.<br />
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“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." — Richard Buckminster Fuller<br />
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You can choose to release your insistence that something or someone in your life be different (insistence really does not work) and take action(s) required in and for your best interest, without being tense (tension does not shift anything). Doing this is a way to get your subconscious programming aligned with your conscious choices and actions.<br />
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One big resistance that may challenge you is to NOT include or allow any past experiences in the NOW. This is a challenge because your subconscious will play back tapes of previous struggles and will do this with lots of detailed images. This causes you to recall, focus on, and feel specific past struggles, as though they are happening in this moment. They are not. You may have present-moment matters to address, but past ones are over. They only affect the moment you’re in now if you allow them to.<br />
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As long as you believe those old tapes are your current reality—or react to them as though they are, you resist any positive present-moment shifts: “I HAVE to fear and feel THIS because I once (or more often) experienced THAT.” This approach blocks your good, and serenity, from coming to you. Your release of resistance gives the Universe permission to deliver your good; it allows serenity in.<br />
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You learned certain aspects of resistance from others who learned them as well. It is the tape your subconscious plays in its belief that this will help you survive. Your subconscious focuses on what helps you survive; your conscious mind focuses on what helps you thrive. You want them to work as a team, which means you have to NOT listen to old, negative tapes when they run. You want to create new tapes and run THEM.<br />
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Ernest Holmes wrote: “Healing, then, is accomplished by uncovering, neutralizing and erasing false images of thought, and letting the perfect idea reflect itself through subjective mind into the body. When one realizes that everything is Mind and that nothing moves but Mind . . . he will see that nothing can permanently heal unless it be accompanied by right thinking.” Healing can refer to anything in your self or your life or your business that you feel is not whole, healthy, joyful, and fulfilling.<br />
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Pay attention to when and how often you run such tapes and put right thinking into practice until it becomes natural to you, whatever time that takes. Practice self-observance rather than self-judgment as you move through this process. Self-judgment is a form of resistance. Practice makes progress.<br />
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Release the belief that you will (eventually) never repeat old patterns. Maybe that will happen and maybe it will not. Belief that you must never repeat them is . . . Resistance. It is more important you observe when you resist so you can consciously choose to embrace what you really want rather than emotionally engage what you don’t want.<br />
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You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
How Well Do You Manage When Your Routine Changes?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-05-11:2227378:BlogPost:263743
2011-05-11T15:33:57.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Small and not-so-small changes in your routine can create either a speed bump or a bumpy road effect on your life. What do you do when that happens?<br />
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Quite a number of people I know experienced major life changes just before 2011, and after the year began. Were you one of them? Significant shifts and lesser ones create something in common: a change in routine of greater or lesser degree.<br />
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Often, we struggle a bit (or a lot) with even one small or moderate change to our routine. We become used…
Small and not-so-small changes in your routine can create either a speed bump or a bumpy road effect on your life. What do you do when that happens?<br />
<br />
Quite a number of people I know experienced major life changes just before 2011, and after the year began. Were you one of them? Significant shifts and lesser ones create something in common: a change in routine of greater or lesser degree.<br />
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Often, we struggle a bit (or a lot) with even one small or moderate change to our routine. We become used to or complacent about our routines, even ones we are not necessarily happy about, or ones that may even cause us to feel miserable about ourselves or our lives.<br />
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Routines FEEL easier because they are familiar. They can be followed practically by rote, like how an experienced driver vs. a new one focuses on the act of driving and doing other things at the same time. Some routines help us stay organized and on time. Some prevent spontaneity in our days and lives, cause us to be inflexible. Some create negative or unpleasant outcomes.<br />
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Routines are why New Year’s resolutions are forgotten, or if not forgotten, not fulfilled. Sticking with even one change to a routine can feel difficult, even if it is desired. It can take a while before the new behavior feels and is as automatic as the old one was. It takes persistence and consistency to arrive at this point.<br />
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My relocation move and temporary dwelling eliminated nearly all of my routines. Unlike vacations or family visits where your routine being temporarily interrupted is a welcome change (hopefully), I had to accept and allow there was no return “home,” no return to most of what was familiar ahead of me. I’m fortunate that my arrangements were as favorable as they were. Others have had to start over after significant, devastating losses. My understanding of what that must be like for them has deepened.<br />
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The metaphysical or spiritual community often mentions surrender. When significant change occurs, how well you manage becomes a matter of how well you surrender your resistance to what now is, and go forward from there. It is a matter of surrender or suffer if you insist on resisting.<br />
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I realized the best approach for me was to surrender to the fact that so much of what was familiar and routine no longer existed; to observe what creates frustration and to look at that with self-honesty; and to notice which changes actually improve or enhance my daily and personal experiences. This requires self-honesty as well. It could be so easy to return to many of my previous routines (or reject new ones; temporary or not); and some of that, frankly, could easily block positive opportunities and desired outcomes from coming to me.<br />
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I pay attention to how much of my former routine should be included as I move forward, and how much of whom I’ve believed myself to be, as a result of my former routine, needs to be kept or discarded. It’s important I be true to my nature; but I need to be clear what the differences are between my true nature and my programmed beliefs or habitual routines. Keeping this in mind is helping me to manage myself through this transformative time. I also watch the stories I tell myself and use tools that I know work, to help me adjust my attitude and perceptions so that I open to desired opportunities and experiences.<br />
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Whether or not you are going through a change in your routine at this time, how you manage yourself through such a time is worthy of a few moments of your consideration. It can make the difference between being in flow or being stuck in resistance.<br />
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You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
Do You Yell at the Movie Screen of Your Life?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-05-02:2227378:BlogPost:261814
2011-05-02T21:24:09.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
If you find you don’t like a movie, you don’t yell at the screen to change. But, is that what you do about your life?<br />
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I’d decided to use the Ho’oponopono method to work on old program tapes that run in my subconscious. If you’re going to aim at a target so you can hit it consistently, you need to practice and more than just a few times.<br />
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This can be uncomfortable because it means you have to face some unpleasant situations and treat them as the practice opportunities they are. You see,…
If you find you don’t like a movie, you don’t yell at the screen to change. But, is that what you do about your life?<br />
<br />
I’d decided to use the Ho’oponopono method to work on old program tapes that run in my subconscious. If you’re going to aim at a target so you can hit it consistently, you need to practice and more than just a few times.<br />
<br />
This can be uncomfortable because it means you have to face some unpleasant situations and treat them as the practice opportunities they are. You see, increasing consciousness isn’t so much about adding something as much as it is subtracting something. It’s about letting go of what holds you back. What usually holds you back is that you don’t see that what you’re doing holds you back.<br />
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A practice opportunity came when I spent two hours visiting with someone who complained the entire time. It was a non-stop negative stream of past hurts and how this person did that or didn’t do this. Nothing I offered made a difference. In fact, my efforts seem to amplify the situation.<br />
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During the two hours, I struggled with the Ho’oponopono technique, but kept repeating: I’m sorry, Divine, for whatever is in me that created this. Please forgive me for the image I hold of this person and of myself. Thank you for helping me to heal these images and for transmuting them into love. I love you and trust you to assist me with this for the highest good of all involved.<br />
<br />
For the rest of that day and the next two days, every time I caught myself replaying that visit in my mind or memories of similar conversations, or complained to myself about the person, I’d stop and do the four statements in abbreviated form: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.<br />
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It was genuinely astonishing to see how often I had to stop myself and repeat the four statements. I’d do this, and within seconds more tapes would start to run. After a while I said aloud, “Oh my God! I’m doing exactly what that person does.” The reflection wasn’t pretty.<br />
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It became clear that I was a projector running a film in my mind about the person. I cannot change the screen the film plays on, though that’s what I attempted during the visit; but I can deliberately decide not to play the film, especially over and over… and over.<br />
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All of this took real effort on my part. It took willingness to understand my part in all of it and a sincere desire to see what I was doing so I could do something else.<br />
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Think of some of your own challenges. What films are you projecting? Are they of struggle; ones that say you’re undeserving, unlovable, that life has to be difficult or that certain people have to be difficult? How often would you have to play these films before what you see on the screen is what you prefer to see? Right. It will never happen, if that’s how you address this.<br />
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You have to run better films if you want to see better images on the screen. You have to stop expecting the screen to change. This may not be easy. What is easier is to yell at or about the screen. It’s painful but easier than owning that we see the films we run.<br />
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Create and run films you prefer, even if you continue to modify them to improve them. Allow that it may (or may not) take a while for your projected image to get into focus and run smoothly on the screen. Watch that you don’t run a new film once then complain that this doesn’t work. Consider how often you run the negative ones and the results. This alone is evidence that it does work. Practice the same consistency with running better films as you have negative ones.<br />
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You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
What Does Your Happiness Depend On?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-04-22:2227378:BlogPost:257783
2011-04-22T15:41:17.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
If someone told you that you could be unconditionally happy, you would do whatever this took. Or, would you?<br />
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In Anthony De Mello’s book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, he wrote that it is challenging to be unconditionally happy because we fight it. Why do we fight it? We have expectations, some of which are realistic and some of which are not.<br />
<br />
To be unconditionally happy (or even just happy most of the time), you have to let go of your dearly-held (or addiction to)…
If someone told you that you could be unconditionally happy, you would do whatever this took. Or, would you?<br />
<br />
In Anthony De Mello’s book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, he wrote that it is challenging to be unconditionally happy because we fight it. Why do we fight it? We have expectations, some of which are realistic and some of which are not.<br />
<br />
To be unconditionally happy (or even just happy most of the time), you have to let go of your dearly-held (or addiction to) expectations. That is not necessarily easy to do. Perhaps, without realizing it, you have, as De Mello wrote, a thought (belief) like, “You are my happiness. If I don’t get you, I refuse to be happy.”<br />
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That segment, “If I don’t get you,” is the clincher because the word YOU can represent anything. Think of what (or who) it is you desire and use the word or words in front of the word You that starts the quote. Example: (Wealth, love, success, power, control, etc.), you are my happiness. If I don’t get you, I refuse to be happy.”<br />
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It basically comes down to saying if you do not get what you want, expect, or demand, you REFUSE to be happy. You refuse to experience happiness amid What Is.<br />
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De Mello added that what we fight, we empower; that is, you give what you resist as much power as you use to fight it. And, you wonder why it does not shift; wonder why it or they do not change, rather than focus on changing yourself.<br />
<br />
If you continue to consider anyone or anything the enemy or adversary, can you really expect your relationship with it (money, health, weight, life) or them to be anything other than an ongoing battle? You can do what you need to, to look after or protect yourself AND stop engaging the “enemy” in a fight.<br />
<br />
When you resist What Is and insist it or they be the way you want, you bind yourself, in a negative way, to the lack of what you desire or demand, as though you put heavy shackles on your ankles. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you drag this weight, this result of your Insistence on Resistance, with you.<br />
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You can spring the lock on such shackles with a choice to let go of your attachment to this way of thinking and behaving, and pay attention to what YOU think, feel, say, and do that causes you to refuse to be happy until or unless what you are convinced must happen happens.<br />
<br />
You behave this way because you were programmed to do so, because that was and still is the prevalent example all around you. It is the syndrome you have seen before, “I will be happy when…,” that keeps you miserable. You stay miserable because you continue to demand others and your material reality change rather than empower yourself to understand how reality truly operates, and then practice this.<br />
<br />
When you let go of resistance and observe yourself, others, and the smaller and bigger picture, What Is shifts, and often without any more effort than what is described here. You often call this witnessing a miracle. This is a universal law: what you give you get more of. Give resistance, you get more to resist. Give fear, you get more to fear. Give trust to the universe in all things, you get more evidence of why that works.<br />
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You have been brainwashed to believe you have to control or take control of your reality, when what is required is for you to recognize you are in a synergistic relationship with reality.<br />
<br />
De Mello wrote, “Come home to yourself. Observe yourself. That’s why I said earlier that self-observation is such a delightful and extraordinary thing. After a while you don’t have to make any effort, because, as illusions begin to crumble, you begin to know things that cannot be described. It’s called happiness. Everything changes and you become addicted to awareness.”<br />
<br />
When you choose awareness over illusion, stress and strain diffuse, as will anger. The path to happiness requires you challenge your entire belief system . . . to seek the CURE, which may or may not be painful, rather than just relief from the painful result of your illusions.<br />
<br />
You can call it Law of Attraction or call it common sense; what you call Awareness does not matter. That you call it into your life and way of being does matter.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
How Can Judgment Serve Us?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-04-15:2227378:BlogPost:256263
2011-04-15T20:17:32.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
If you have ever attempted to shift from judgment to non-judgment, you may have found that challenging. It is because something important was missing.<br />
<br />
There are two types of judgment: self-judgment and judgment of everything and everyone else. Judgment can serve us, if we know how to let it.<br />
<br />
Judgment, in regard to laws, rules, and regulations, is in place in an effort to restore balance when an action creates too great a contrast; that is, exceeds an acceptable level of contrast and impacts…
If you have ever attempted to shift from judgment to non-judgment, you may have found that challenging. It is because something important was missing.<br />
<br />
There are two types of judgment: self-judgment and judgment of everything and everyone else. Judgment can serve us, if we know how to let it.<br />
<br />
Judgment, in regard to laws, rules, and regulations, is in place in an effort to restore balance when an action creates too great a contrast; that is, exceeds an acceptable level of contrast and impacts others in a negative way or has the potential to do so. Nearly seven billion people on the planet have been exposed to different cultures and beliefs, as well as have unique personalities, so will, understandably, find it a challenge to behave as a homogenous society. Contrasts will happen.<br />
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The important missing aspect is that judgment of the self, others, or a situation is like a neon sign flashing the words “Contrast Exists Here” and, what that actually means for us. Whenever anything contrasts with our perception of how we, another, or a situation “should” be, we turn to our familiar “friend,” judgment. Being in a judgmental state about others or situations, lets us believe we are what we deeply want to feel: that we are in the right. We fear being in the wrong or incorrect.<br />
<br />
In past writings I said it is important to release self-judgment. My thinking has shifted about this for a specific reason: it is a worthy goal, but there is a step that needs to be taken to get there. Plus, non-judgment may not mean what you think it does (keep reading for a different definition). When self-judgment is triggered, it alerts us to the fact that something we believe about ourselves needs exploration, that a truth or personal truth waits for us to discover it and understand how it fits, or doesn’t, into our PERCEPTION of reality, including how we perceive ourselves.<br />
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The next time you feel judgmental about yourself, another, or a situation, ask what the contrast is that you feel. Let the contrast reveal an important message to you. That is its purpose.<br />
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Contrasts can assist you to discern a perception vs. a truth or personal truth. Consider the not-enough-information syndrome. Have you ever jumped to an assumption and believed you were looking at the whole truth, only to discover or realize later that you were not? “Do I have enough information to justify my judgment” is a question you might write down and put where you can easily see it.<br />
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Anthony De Mello wrote in his book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, that we do not like to admit we are not always right. When we discover we are wrong, or know we are, it is uncomfortable because we (and others) hold a judgment that it is a form of failure to be wrong or incorrect, rather than a part of life and learning and growing. Contrasts are opportunities to expand our awareness.<br />
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So, I now modify my statement to release self-judgment and suggest you practice easing up about judging that you judge. Also ease up on your attachment to how you believe self-judgment is “supposed” to be experienced and processed. Allow any form of judgment you feel to communicate what it wants you to discover about YOU.<br />
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It is tempting (and programmed in us) to believe contrasts are about others or situations, and that the solution or resolution is for “them” to change. Action taken because of this belief is like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles: you go nowhere and you repetitively cover the same ground, deepening the rut you are in as you go. You keep your focus on the shoe and miss the fact that you are the one keeping your foot in it, and that only you can remove your foot (discover and understand the message for you and about you in the contrast) from the shoe (the contrast, which is a manifested reflection of what is going on inside of you).<br />
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See if this different definition of non-judgment resonates for you: no old programs, tapes, or memories running. How do you do this? Ihaleakala Hew Len of Ho’oponopono fame and co-author of the book, Zero Limits, wrote, “Peace begins with me. My problems are memories replaying in my subconscious.” Think about this and see where it leads you; see what it reveals to you and for you. Dr. Hew Len describes how to do this in the book, if you are intrigued enough to learn more.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks (Lulu.com). Benefit from empowering articles & Extras, and learn how Your Personality Blueprint can clear obstacles from your life, in her free weekly newsletter at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Is Your Focus on the Target or the Prize?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-04-08:2227378:BlogPost:255204
2011-04-08T18:42:22.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
The article title asks an important question. The one you focus on has everything to do with not only your outcome but your experience reaching it.<br />
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In his book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, Anthony De Mello quotes Chinese sage Tranxu: “When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not…
The article title asks an important question. The one you focus on has everything to do with not only your outcome but your experience reaching it.<br />
<br />
In his book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, Anthony De Mello quotes Chinese sage Tranxu: “When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares! He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power.”<br />
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This is a conundrum for many, though its presence usually escapes our awareness. This can happen in a variety of ways. Here are two examples.<br />
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<strong>Money</strong><br />
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Say you feel a financial pinch (or not) and decide to offer a product, service, or workshop. Maybe it is something you already created or you create something new. The Prize is how much money you might get; perhaps, even recognition and referrals. Your Target is to provide something that solves a problem for people or enhances their lives. Re-read Tranxu’s words and think about how this might affect your energy, attitude, actions, and ultimate results in such a situation.<br />
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Are you relaxed and confident about using your skills, talents, or knowledge to assist others, with serving them as one motivator and growing yourself as another? If so, whatever your initial results are, they will expand. You will expand.<br />
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If your eyes (emotional energies) are on the prize, you will contract instead of expand. Your potential clients or customers will contract away from you, and so will your desired results. You will focus on aspects that lead you away from your true path.<br />
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Let go of any tendency to compare yourself and your desired results to others and their results, as this is another form of Eyes on the Prize.<br />
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<strong>Relationships</strong><br />
Consider the difference between having your target be a loving, joyful relationship with your right partner, and allowing that to arrive and unfold in your life vs. considering a specific individual as your prize. How will you think, feel, speak, and act in the first scenario vs. the second? Which scenario is imbued with ease and which with emotional upset and drama?<br />
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You could say a true target leads to expansion of your inner knowing and larger awareness. This type of focus results in not just some or many sought-after prizes coming to you, but inner and outer gifts from the Universe arrive, as well. These gifts are not rewards; they are results of Cause and Effect, according to the laws of the spiritual universe.<br />
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If your target is to BE more, which causes you to offer and contribute more, you will focus on what helps you create this. Results will come to you because this is how IT works.<br />
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You can certainly be aware your desired prize is out there and still put your primary focus on your true target. If your focus is primarily on the prize, you can bet you will experience one or more of these: worry, anxiety, jealousy, lack of confidence (or arrogance), overwork, loss of energy, depression, loss of sleep, money fears, harsh self-judgment, and the list goes on. Your results will be less than desired or none, because this is also according to the laws of the spiritual universe.<br />
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This Target or Prize focus can be applied to anything in your life. It is a good question to ask whenever you feel any emotions other than serenity, confidence, or happiness. But, it is also important to identify your True Target, which is always an inner one. Inner always creates outer. Outer always reflects inner.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.<br />
<br />
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks (Lulu.com). Benefit from empowering articles & Extras, and learn how Your Personality Blueprint can clear obstacles from your life, in her free weekly newsletter at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Two Proven Tips to Create a Better New Year
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2011-01-01:2227378:BlogPost:230528
2011-01-01T14:10:01.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Need a systematic Law of Attraction approach to have clarity and focused energy about what you intend for your life or your business in 2011? Here are two proven tips that will help you.<br />
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We are about to start not only a new year, but a new decade. I feel certain a great many of us are ready to put aspects of the past several years behind us and create a new-and-improved, fresher start, whatever that means for us.<br />
<br />
If you use what is provided here, I ask you to keep the following in mind:<br />
<br />
•…
Need a systematic Law of Attraction approach to have clarity and focused energy about what you intend for your life or your business in 2011? Here are two proven tips that will help you.<br />
<br />
We are about to start not only a new year, but a new decade. I feel certain a great many of us are ready to put aspects of the past several years behind us and create a new-and-improved, fresher start, whatever that means for us.<br />
<br />
If you use what is provided here, I ask you to keep the following in mind:<br />
<br />
• Whatever you desire for work, finance, family, personal development, spiritual development, social and intimate relationships, fun, and health does not have to fulfill the desires others have for you or may try to impose on you, but does need to fulfill the desires you have for yourself.<br />
• The power to use your mind on your behalf is far stronger (and more effective) than you, likely, practice consistently. (See Tip 2.)<br />
• We frustrate ourselves with a non-serving belief that we are in CONSCIOUS control of everything. Even I could argue the point that we are ultimately in control, but that’s a different article for another time. My point is that our infinite selves and Source are collaborators on our ego-aspect’s behalf—meaning the aspect we are aware of that is experiencing our personal reality. We get into some really awful feelings when our greater path and purpose is directed from the infinite side of our human self and we find that what our ego-aspect thinks it wants doesn’t happen. There is always a reason.<br />
• Keep in mind that there’s a difference between control and flow. You may say you want to be in flow, but do you trust Source and your infinite self that fully, or can you shift into that trust when it seems life has placed something unexpected into your life?<br />
<br />
Tip 1<br />
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To create an Order Form, you need columns on a sheet of paper or on your computer as recommended here.<br />
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First column: Write what you don’t want (NOT feelings). Example: I don’t want people in my life who don’t value (or compensate) me; to overwork myself or be overworked by someone else. Or, I don’t want a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. Make this list, and the ones that follow, as long as each needs to be.<br />
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It has been said that you should not focus on what you don’t want. The key words are FOCUS ON, meaning to play over and over in your mind because you are afraid something will be your reality. I’m asking you to do something else, to step out of denial, because what you don’t want is in your subconscious and will benefit from being extracted from inside of you by writing it down. If you don’t get these out, they whisper in your ear, so to speak, because they need to be heard and dealt with.<br />
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Second column: List what you don’t want to feel, like afraid, unsuccessful, overworked, undervalued, unsuccessful, confused, etc.).<br />
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Third column: Put down what you do want, like a certain number of new clients a month who pay on time and are delighted to do so, creation of your business or project to feel and be effortless, or to meet people who share important common interests.<br />
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Fourth column: List what you do want to feel, like valued, appreciated, respected, confident, on purpose, fulfilled, etc.).<br />
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Fifth column: Write your WHY . . . why you want what you believe or know you do. Let your WHY talk to you. A clear WHY generates inspired ideas and actions. A clear WHY causes you to feel enthusiasm or passionate commitment, or both. And, it’s very different from the energy of “It would be nice.”<br />
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Sixth column: Write how you will feel once you have this or something even better.<br />
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Seventh column: How will others feel once you have this? How will new clients feel when they work with you as a confident, fulfilled person? How will the person you move into a relationship with feel about being around you, especially if you are happy with yourself and your life?<br />
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Eighth column: Create a supportive statement (affirmation) that helps your energy about this like, “I want to believe that I can . . .” You want a true statement that does not trigger your other voice that doubts, and also doesn’t put pressure on you to believe more than you are able to at this moment.<br />
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Ninth column: Maybe one or more next actions come to you; write these down. If not, write to Source (or your word for the Infinite) to be shown one or more next actions. Then do something else, and watch how fast ideas or opportunities come to you.<br />
<br />
Tip 2<br />
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Every night and several times during the day repeat, “While I sleep, I have dreams that cause me to have energy and enthusiasm, financial serenity and abundance, and freedom from stress, as my way of life; and this allows me to assist others to have the same, as appropriate. And so it is.”<br />
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Tip 1 is effective for obvious reasons. Use it for 2011, but it will work for the next decade, as well. Tip 2 is incredibly effective, as I have been experiencing in my own life. If you use either or both, you give yourself the opportunity to use your mind power in ways that are dynamic and provide quick results.<br />
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I’m relocating in a few weeks, so will not publish during the relocation and new set-up time period. I wish you a wonderful new year and a new year filled with wonders.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
Do You Focus on Being Positive?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2010-12-24:2227378:BlogPost:229778
2010-12-24T16:40:44.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Who wouldn’t like to be in a positive state of mind all the time?! How’s that worked for you so far?<br />
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Despite your best efforts, it’s likely that staying in a positive state of mind all the time hasn’t been your reality. Here’s an important tip about this: it isn’t realistic. So, you might want to ease up on yourself about this.<br />
<br />
A good reason to ease up about it is that if you focus on forcing yourself to be positive all the time or believe you should be, it actually means you perceive…
Who wouldn’t like to be in a positive state of mind all the time?! How’s that worked for you so far?<br />
<br />
Despite your best efforts, it’s likely that staying in a positive state of mind all the time hasn’t been your reality. Here’s an important tip about this: it isn’t realistic. So, you might want to ease up on yourself about this.<br />
<br />
A good reason to ease up about it is that if you focus on forcing yourself to be positive all the time or believe you should be, it actually means you perceive yourself as mostly NOT positive, which means you energize being in a negative state. This creates inner struggle and self-judgment that shows up in your outer experiences as less-positive moments and events. This is just not fun! Self-judgment or beating up on yourself is NOT the vibration you want Law of Attraction to match. It also means your focus is on how you think you should be rather than on what will move you forward, which is like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles. You do a great deal of spinning in place, but go nowhere.<br />
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Too often, spirituality-based people believe they shouldn’t experience the full scope of our human emotions. How authentic is that, really? You don’t have to run amok; but you aren’t supposed to live in denial either. There is something you can do when you’re in a negative state: you can use a proven method to shift this a bit or a lot. Even a bit is better than none. An attitude improved even a small amount opens your mind and life to possibilities.<br />
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This is especially important if you feel any sense of strain or stress in your life and/or business. You can use one of the six methods offered below any time you feel your energy needs to be calmed, smoothed, soothed, or charged up. You’ll find the following methods are great ways to open your mind and get head-and-heart alignment about what the next step is in any situation. It’s important to start from where you are so you can figure out where to go next. The foundation of Self Energy Management is to know you CAN manage it.<br />
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Six Methods to Shift Your Energy and Emotions<br />
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1. Write the story of what you feel is happening. Scale how triggered you feel, with 1 being “Not much at all” and 10 being “Completely overwhelmed.” I used this with an angry friend. She said she was at an 8. Next, we scaled what had made her angry, with 1 being “Somewhat inconvenient” and 10 being “Completely devastating”. She ranked it a 3. She was giving level 8 energy to something she ranked a 3. Her expression was a Kodak moment.<br />
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2. What do you think is working now? Why is it working? What’s not quite right yet? What would make it more right? How do you want to feel? What might your next action be, to feel more of how you want to feel?<br />
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3. Create a statement that allows you to move closer to how you want to feel. Think of this as a bicycle you’re walking along a path. When you find the right statement, you’ll be able to put your foot on the pedal and hop on. “I feel better,” may be too much too soon. “I could feel better” may work or may still be too much. It’s okay. You’re looking for the statement that let’s you get onto the bike and ride it. What about, “I want to believe I can feel better”? Maybe, “I want to believe I can believe I can feel better,” is the one where you feel your foot on the pedal. Remember, no judgment. Honest answers allow you to create the first shift.<br />
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4. Ask questions like: What do I intend to do in this moment? How can I help myself do this? What can I do for myself right now? What are my choices (inner and/or outer levels)? What can I learn? How can I grow from here? What do I feel right now? How do I prefer to feel? What stops me from feeling this way now? In everyday matters, what usually stops you from feeling the way you prefer is your choice to do so. And, check to see if you’re giving level-8 energy to a level-3 issue.<br />
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5. Write down what you don’t want (I don’t want to be undervalued and underpaid; I don’t want a partner who doesn’t listen to me). Some might say that if you practice Law of Attraction, this is not the thing to do. However, your DON’T WANTS are floating around in your mind, so you might as well give them the voice you’ve been denying them. Get them all out, every last one of them. Next, ask yourself what you don’t want to feel (afraid, insecure, etc.). Let loose. Write it all down. Now, what do you want (getting new and repeat clients to be effortless, meeting my ideal partner to be effortless, etc.)? Write and don’t censor. Next, what do you want to feel (in flow, abundant, successful)? Last, write a letter and tell Spirit what you want and why. Ask Spirit to show you how to open to receive this or what your next step is.<br />
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6. You suffer over most matters because of a belief. Often, the belief is, “This shouldn’t be happening.” “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” What core belief do you have about your issue or situation? Does this belief serve you? How does this belief manifest in your life? How do you feel about this? Ask yourself if you feel okay about making even a small shift now. Think of a similar time when you had a similar feeling (it doesn’t have to be a similar matter or situation, just that you felt similarly then to how you do now), and it worked out. How did you manage yourself or work that one out? Maybe you used an inner process, an outer process, or both. What worked then and how can you use what you did then now?<br />
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You now have a better idea of why you don’t want to try to force a positive state or why it’s important not to feel less when you do not feel positive. But you do want to pay attention to how often you use negative statements, even as a form of humor. The Universal Quantum Field doesn’t get that you’re trying to be funny through sarcasm. It takes each and every one of your comments as an instruction to fulfill or a feeling to match.<br />
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Shifting your energy allows you to shift your vibration so you attract something else, something better. When you are in a positive state, enjoy and make the most of it. When you aren’t, as soon as you’re ready, shift it.<br />
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Just remember to ease up on yourself. Recognize realistic expectations and goals and unrealistic ones. It’s healthy and natural to challenge yourself to grow. It’s self-defeating to expect yourself to always be in a positive state of mind as you move through your process of inner and outer growth. You will, however, experience positive shifts if each night before you go to sleep, you repeat five times, “As I sleep, I have dreams that cause me to have energy and enthusiasm, financial serenity and abundance, and freedom from stress, as my way of life. And so it is.”<br />
<br />
[Excerpts from: Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business, available at Lulu.]
Which Expectations Did You Inherit?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2010-12-21:2227378:BlogPost:228842
2010-12-21T19:08:03.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
You know it’s important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.<br />
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As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some…
You know it’s important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.<br />
<br />
As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some beliefs. All beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly.<br />
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In discussions about Law of Attraction, you are told desire is a key element. You already desire a great many things you still do not have. If desire alone did it, you would have it. One reason you do not have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important.<br />
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Let’s get something significant covered: there is a greater plan at work for you and your life that your soul has a commitment to fulfill while you are here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes. We too often follow what ego craves, or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do. When a desire isn’t fulfilled, it’s important to discover if this is because it does not match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment.<br />
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You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are likely, primarily subconscious.<br />
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You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, and pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life for someone of your social-, income-, or education-level (gender, age, etc.) works.<br />
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Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and energetic beliefs others held about you that were communicated to you and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.<br />
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Set aside time to list expectations you’ve carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you’re a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that your husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you’re a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?<br />
<br />
Contrasts that create current confusions can be found in your personality blueprint. If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that are not in your blueprint, you will feel like you’re on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. You may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your blueprint may show that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.<br />
<br />
"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch<br />
<br />
Walsch’s quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I’d add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. Your blueprint can be your soul-felt guide about your true nature and expression, what works best to lead you to success in every area of your life. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are and came here to be. You can become comfortable and confident “in your own skin.”<br />
<br />
You don’t have to start the new year with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.<br />
<br />
Go through your blueprint to see where contrasting self-expectations show up and what is revealed about your truest form of expression in all areas of your life, and let this guide you and what you expect. Compare your blueprint with that of your spouse or partner to discover subtle contrasts and what to do about them, and shift unsupportive expectations imposed on each other. See what the blueprint of your child or children shows you about how to help them grow into fulfilled, self-reliant adults. Expand appreciation of yourself and significant others in your life.<br />
<br />
Appropriate supportive expectations create desired results.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
Reveal what your soul wants to express through Your Personality Blueprint. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
What Are the Differences Between Soul Needs and Ego Needs?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2010-12-17:2227378:BlogPost:223649
2010-12-17T19:41:29.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
We are souls in physical form, and we have an ego that is meant to serve us in specific ways. Frustration happens when we get their needs confused (or ignore them) rather than have them work together.<br />
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Let’s look at some ways to differentiate between ego needs and soul needs.<br />
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Ego serves us in ways that move us to take actions in our daily lives, actions meant to keep us alive and, hopefully, thriving. Ego seeks to feel a certain way, often motivated by material demands that originate outside…
We are souls in physical form, and we have an ego that is meant to serve us in specific ways. Frustration happens when we get their needs confused (or ignore them) rather than have them work together.<br />
<br />
Let’s look at some ways to differentiate between ego needs and soul needs.<br />
<br />
Ego serves us in ways that move us to take actions in our daily lives, actions meant to keep us alive and, hopefully, thriving. Ego seeks to feel a certain way, often motivated by material demands that originate outside of our soul desires; and this need leads to good choices and not so good ones. It follows logic, sometimes self-logic that desires to avoid pain at all times, rather than our emotional heart. It speaks to us in ways like, “Gotta make a change!” From ego, we may sometimes be forceful in striving for and achieving our aims.<br />
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Soul does not respond to force. It recognizes that painful or unpleasant emotions are facets of all we are capable of feeling, like needed colors in a rainbow. Soul knows we are always in flow, that our experiences have purpose for us; and its aim is for us to thrive as whole beings within the bigger picture of life. It asks us to pay attention to everything we think, feel, say, and do or don’t do. It asks us to seek what fulfillment means for us in all things, to listen to what our emotional heart tells us. Soul speaks to us through our emotional heart using intuition and positive and negative feelings. Negative feelings are as much a part of our soul-self’s communication system as positive ones.<br />
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Mainstream dissuades us from remembering that our emotional heart is another form of intelligence we possess, one that knows us intimately; whereas logic focuses on what the (usually fearful) ego wants. Ego wants to fill any void with whatever it believes will make it feel good or better. Soul wants us to empty out what no longer belongs inside us and to feel our way to what it is that truly needs to occupy that space as what will allow us to express our true selves. What fills our ego needs may not fill our soul needs. What fills our soul needs takes care of our ego needs.<br />
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Ego believes power comes from winning, from creating and having positive experiences. Soul knows the truth of our power and seeks to integrate our inner and outer power through learned wisdom into a desired collaboration between soul and ego as a way of life. Soul knows nothing is lacking, and it strives to remind us of this through sadness, frustration, depression, serenity, and joyful appreciation . . . so that we seek the truth and live from it.<br />
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Ego says, “Get rid of any negative feeling immediately.” Soul says, “Be with your feelings in a gentle way so you can get quiet and hear my message.”<br />
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Ego pushes us to look outside ourselves to define who we are. Soul asks us to know ourselves and to fearlessly reveal who we are to others through our words and actions, our talents and abilities, our visions and goals. Ego says, “I don’t love who I am, so I have to pretend to be what I believe will be acceptable.” Soul says, “No pretense ever lasts. Be who you are, who you came here to be, just as you are now and are becoming.” Ego says, “Fake it till you make it.” Soul says, “Start where you are and evolve deliberately.”<br />
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Ego wants emptiness filled in a hurry because it cannot tolerate it. Soul knows that the fastest way to fill emptiness is to allow emptiness, to surrender the ego needs about it when it shows up, and appreciate whatever value and guidance it presents. Your soul knows that appreciation of what is, is always responded to with more to appreciate. Balance of soul and ego happens when we align our inner perspective with ego’s ability to take action that’s in our best interest and for our higher evolution.<br />
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As you move through this holiday season, and as we approach not only a new year but a new decade, consider exploring how to create collaboration and alignment between ego and soul, with thriving as their common goal for you, and see what gets created from it.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer
Do the Gurus Confuse You?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2010-12-14:2227378:BlogPost:223114
2010-12-14T19:12:42.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
If you desire or feel desperate for change, you may seek out one or more gurus to help you move forward. But what if their message creates a contrast for or confuses you?<br />
<br />
I like to listen to what the gurus have to say about . . . nearly everything! I’m curious and a committed life-long learner. However, sometimes aspects of their messages (especially about success) are quite different from each other, or something in me, and I wonder if this is confusing for other listeners.<br />
<br />
The other day, I…
If you desire or feel desperate for change, you may seek out one or more gurus to help you move forward. But what if their message creates a contrast for or confuses you?<br />
<br />
I like to listen to what the gurus have to say about . . . nearly everything! I’m curious and a committed life-long learner. However, sometimes aspects of their messages (especially about success) are quite different from each other, or something in me, and I wonder if this is confusing for other listeners.<br />
<br />
The other day, I listened to a well-known, well-respected success guru whose information was valuable. Then he said to succeed we have to work day and night and weekends. This really tweaked me because working that way contrasts with my physical reality, and as I know, is not in my personality blueprint. Been there, done that, got ill from it.<br />
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I thought, “What about others who have less natural energy than his advice requires? How will they feel when they hear this?” They’ll likely feel like failures or lazy, when they’re not. It’s also what could be called a masculine approach. You can find online my article “Does Gender Influence Prosperity?” to see how a masculine approach to life and business can negatively impact women’s lives and health (and even some men).<br />
<br />
Another success guru I listened to the next day said her business and life improved dramatically as soon as she stopped working as much as she had been, and began to give herself three days off each week. I thought about those people whose blueprints are high energy and how this kind of approach might frustrate them, and the relief (permission to be) it might bring to those with less natural energy.<br />
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Which guru is right? Did you resonate with one more than the other—not just agree, but really resonate? There’s a reason for this resonance.<br />
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Each of us has a unique blueprint, which means your core nature is what it is. Frustration happens when you attempt to go against your core nature or believe there’s something wrong with how your core nature needs to be expressed.<br />
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The two gurus mentioned here don’t intend to confuse anyone; they have their own blueprint natures, and they’re going to share with others what works for them. Here’s a valuable tip: any strategic information a guru offers is what you want to pay attention to. Any advice anyone gives that contrasts with your blueprint (your true nature) is something you need to give a different level of consideration to.<br />
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However, even strategic information needs to take your blueprint characteristics into account, because if you do what’s recommended in a way that isn’t natural for you . . . yup, more frustration, more of what makes you feel like a failure . . . and is preventable, if you know what your unique blueprint requires.<br />
<br />
How you work best; how you relate to others in your closest, social, and professional relationships; your natural level of energy and more is revealed in your blueprint. Some of what’s there, you’ve already discovered or are aware of on some level and has been made obvious through your life experiences. And it’s likely you’ve tweaked certain characteristics to make them more compatible with your life.<br />
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When you need ideas and solutions for life and/or business, it’s a good idea to research and give other people’s strategies a chance. You already know there’s a great deal of information available to you, enough to confuse you, in fact. So, when it comes down to how you apply their strategies to experience your life or which ones to choose, it’s best if you refer to your own soul’s blueprint, the most accurate foundation of your being.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
Reveal what your soul wants. Order Your Personality Blueprint today from Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>
Do You Feel Empty or Full?
tag:architectsofanewdawn.ning.com,2010-12-10:2227378:BlogPost:222549
2010-12-10T19:28:20.000Z
Joyce Shafer
https://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/JoyceShafer
Perhaps you have certain feelings or longings that are vague, or sharp. These are callings from your soul, drawing attention to areas of you that need to be filled.<br />
<br />
At one time or another, you may feel one or more of the following:<br />
-Depressed or at least that you could feel happier<br />
-Desirous of more meaning in and for your life<br />
-As though there is a void inside you and you don’t know how to fill it<br />
-Disillusioned about life and relationships<br />
-(Your own longing here)<br />
<br />
Just as a desire…
Perhaps you have certain feelings or longings that are vague, or sharp. These are callings from your soul, drawing attention to areas of you that need to be filled.<br />
<br />
At one time or another, you may feel one or more of the following:<br />
-Depressed or at least that you could feel happier<br />
-Desirous of more meaning in and for your life<br />
-As though there is a void inside you and you don’t know how to fill it<br />
-Disillusioned about life and relationships<br />
-(Your own longing here)<br />
<br />
Just as a desire (different from a wish) to do or be something means you have the capacity to achieve it, so does feeling a sense of longing mean your soul craves fulfillment and full expression. You, as so many do, may look to satisfy this longing from outside of yourself with more of something: money, material objects, sex, control, a perfect job, a perfect relationship, and so on. Perhaps you get these and discover you still feel empty. There’s a reason for this.<br />
<br />
We’ve confused meeting our soul’s needs with solving what we call problems in our lives (more money, material objects, sex, control, a perfect job, a perfect relationship, and so on). Somewhere along the way, we’ve brainwashed ourselves (with the help of others who are also brainwashed in this way) that a proper life is problem-free, perfect. You are a soul having a physical experience, and you did not come here to have a problem-free, “perfect” experience. You came here to expand the depth of who you are; and to do this you must move through a depth of experiences and glean from them the value they hold for you so you can expand how you feel about your experience of being.<br />
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Your soul (your true nature) is a quality as much as it is an entity, so it (you) seeks experiences to enhance the quality of your life—the one you live inside your self. You can expand your understanding of this if you think of what the term Soul Food means: food that nourishes and pleases your physical and emotional senses, your sense of community, your memories. Soul Food provides a specific quality of experience. You go to a Soul Food restaurant deliberately to have such an experience. So does your soul enter a physical life for the same reason.<br />
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We confuse ourselves with the belief that life would be what it’s “supposed” to be if it were free of what troubles us. Yet, inside each trouble, problem, or issue is a message from our soul and the answer that will satisfy it. We rush to get rid of anything we label negative rather than look at it, which would help us discover more about ourselves in a way that would further nurture and feed our souls. This exploration and its positive results, rather than denial, is a primary reason life coaching is now such an integral part of our society’s evolution. Coaching doesn’t dwell on issues, but dives into them just long enough to find the root and pull it up painlessly. Trimming weeds never gets rid of them; you must deal with them from the root, give them a relatively quick yank from the soil. Not addressing troubling issues that hold our attention is a form of soul deprivation.<br />
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Let’s look at the feeling that your life isn’t as meaningful as you believe it can or should be. That emptiness is your soul’s message to discover what IS meaningful for you and to include it in your life. An empowering question to ask about this or anything you feel you lack within is, “Can you feel a desire for more meaning (or whatever) WITHOUT feeling disempowered?”<br />
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We tend to latch onto the feeling of disempowerment when facing issues. But are we ever truly disempowered? No. And, what do we avoid when we feel disempowered? We avoid experiencing more of what would fill us: more often than not, giving and receiving more love and care to ourselves and others. “I’m discontent so I HAVE to be rude (or some other negative expression of our discontented, fearful selves),” is how we justify certain behaviors that never bring our ultimately-desired results.<br />
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You cannot have light without shadow or darkness. You can shine light into shadows and darkness in order to see what’s really there. More often that not, what we find there is a BELIEF that we can’t deal with or won’t want to see what lurks there. A belief is not a solid thing, though it creates real experiences in our minds and oftentimes in our lives. What you entertain or thrash in your mind is what your brain believes is actually happening, and it responds with either good feelings or bad ones that create good experiences or bad ones, first at the inner then eventually the outer levels.<br />
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What can you do for this symptom of the soul? Be fully where you are rather than in a regretful past or anxious future. Choose to live each moment with an open mind and heart, trusting that you can adjust as needed, trusting that you are always empowered just by being. You can live your moments differently, deliberately, which can bring you through any situation with conscious awareness and the ability to see and use the soul value of it.<br />
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Denial is how you alienate yourself from your life and the fullness you might create in it. Denial keeps you from discovering your true nature and its strengths and beauties, then expressing these in your life. What does any level of suffering reveal to you? The answer will never be found in avoidance, only in a caring conversation with your soul self.<br />
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This approach not only can enrich your life and soul experience, but you can offer this to others as well. What will support you is to accept that you (and others) are in progress at all times. Let go of the belief that you are supposed be perfect. That isn’t what your soul seeks. Listen to your soul’s whispers and shouts for what needs filling, address these in the moment you’re in, and you’ll begin to feel emptiness being filled.<br />
<br />
You are what you practice.<br />
© Joyce Shafer<br />
<br />
You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my complete bio.<br />
<br />
Shift self-sabotaging behaviors & discover your authentic self through Your Personality Blueprint with Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at <a href="http://stateofappreciation.webs.com">http://stateofappreciation.webs.com</a>