FORGIVENESS - THE CORNERSTONE OF ATTITUDINAL HEALING by Jerry Jampolsky, M.D., & Diane Cirincione, Ph.D.

[Jerry Jampolsky]

If you use your imagination and imagine that your read in the newspaper tomorrow and heard on television and radio that a new drug had been invented that would take away all the anger and grievances that you are holding on to and would bring you peace and happiness, that the drug was free and that you could not overdose on it, wouldn’t we all rush out to get that drug

Well, this is what forgiveness does and more. It takes your anxiety away, dissolves fear, makes you feel secure, puts a sparkle in your eyes and softens your eyes, removes the frowns on your forehead, takes the weight off your shoulders, puts joy and happiness in your heart and puts a smile on your face. Forgiveness make our load in life much lighter.

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of the painful past. It is a decision to let go of the anger and the grievances that we may be holding on to. It is a decision to no longer suffer and to heal your mind. Forgiveness is the key to inner peace and happiness. Forgiveness is the process of inner healing.
It becomes easier to forgive when we no longer believe we are victims. Forgiveness is the eraser that makes the hurtful past disappear.

Forgiveness is the process of healing our mind and stopping the recycling anger and the inner wars that many of us have in our mind. To have peace in our outer world, the process of forgiveness must begin in ourselves. Forgiveness is the most powerful force that can create a world that is peaceful and without wars. We will truly have more peaceful relationships when we stop telling others how to live and start practicing love and forgiveness. Forgiveness is the most powerful healer of all. The happiest marriages are built on forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not mean agreeing or condoning a horrendous act. Forgiveness does not have to have a form. The other person does not have to change. The litmus paper of knowing we have truly forgiven ourselves or another person is that we no longer see the shadows of the past in ourselves or
others. Forgiveness means giving up all hopes for a better past.

Forgiveness creates a world where we do not withhold our love from anyone. It is based on a belief system that everyone including ourselves can be forgiven and that we benefit when we do forgive. Forgiving others can be the first step in forgiving ourselves.

When we don’t forgive it is like taking arsenic and expect someone else to die. When we don’t forgive we are really hurting ourselves. There is now scientific evidence that when we do not forgive and continue to hold on to anger that it can affect our health and has the potential of injuring our immune system and affecting every organ in our body. The unforgiving mind hides from our awareness the fact that we imprison ourselves by holding on to anger and hate.

Here are a few of the physical problems that may be associated with an unforgiving mind. Headaches, backaches, pains in the neck, stomach aches and ulcer-like symptoms, depression, lack of energy, anxiety, irritability, tenseness and being “on edge”, insomnia, restlessness, free floating fear and unhappiness.

The key to forgiving is to have the willingness to forgive and to see the value and benefits of forgiving and to see the detriments that occur when we do not forgive.

[Erin Michelle]

I stumbled onto forgiving when I had to resolve my hurt feelings without interacting with the person I felt wounded by. I realized forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. I wrote down all my feelings and fears, cried out my tears and then threw it all away. My sweet sister-in-law told me later she had learned the same lesson at a spiritual retreat, only they burned their hard feelings. Since, I have gifted myself liberally with forgiveness. Whenever my mind turns to thoughts of death I know it is time to let go. Time to forgive. Time to let go of suffering. I like to take yellow roses, they symbolize faithless love and the end of an affair. I attatch my slights and pain to the flowers and then I realease the petals to the wind or toss them in the ocean. Then I gather white roses and I drink in their honey scent and open my heart to their gift of love and honor. Thank you. May there be many white roses in your life!
Love, Erin

[Marilyn]

I can remember a time when I thought I never would forgive certain others for the harm they had inflicted on me. However I came to realize that not letting go of resentment poisoned no one but myself, so I realized I really had no choice if I wanted to continue to grow and develop fully. I was fortunate in having some teachers who took me through the earliest exercises in forgiveness, little suspecting that such forgiveness was really only building a foundation on which later lessons were built. The later lessons taught me that in truth there is nothing to forgive and that I was not harmed. The 'me' who believed in all of that was a small part of who I really am. At first I was only capable of what the Course in Miracles describes as forgiveness to destroy--ie. holding myself higher than my 'enemies'. When I learned that my enemies are me and that I must forgive myself in order to forgive them, that brought a whole new level of understanding...Today I understand that I can forgive them for what they never did. I sometimes forget for a few minutes or even a day, that there is nothing to forgive in the traditional sense but then I remember and experience the release that comes with that remembering. Jerry--your book on forgiveness was one of the teachers I found along the way. Thank you.