getting out of the mud

[Lorenzo Abbiati]

As far we are separated entities we are used to see and understand the reality only in part.

As business music seems focused on beauty dignity harmony in the past i used to doing the opposite thing ALSO just to be out of the crowd: use the music as a surge for my emotions. the fact is that my emotions was not real clean and positive plus i had been trying to imaitate particular singers with an even particular way to use their voice.

The point is that in the years my tone was getting lower for i began to suffer of major gastritis disease that "slowed down" and get stuck my ability to speech and reduced the extension especially on higher notes.

This is not an essay on vocals but i used to compare voice to personality and to body natural aging. Voice is influenced by hormonal health and mood and is related to many other factors. Even possible that voice is affected by medical pills intake on what you eat and other chemicals. The fact is that we all expect a miracle: Hearing vocal lucidity on high tones male vocals: apparently a contradiction. so that who has not had the fortune or either the bad luck it depends, to know me well couldn't be aware of the fact i was not just a fool trying to imitate singers - at least on this site - to make me someway noticed as musician. It was a compensative surge of emotions and the difference between a professional musician is right there: i wasn't supposed to produce something presentable neither wouldn't like to make me a living on its beauty....So you may have been lead  to believe i had been a "jail waste" expressing its frustration and madness on music.....I am not just that...I used indeed also a volunteer to make peole participate in karaoke events in sanatories..but i can't deny i thought some time to be talented enough to show off my vocal attitude...and i was partly fool partly a dreamer and partly a bravehart but still mostly unable to sing most of the tunes i had chosen...

That is to say noone can't sing anything possible...it turned out sometimes to be a competitoion between me and the original singer...a not just and balanced competition as far as he had been singing in its natural tune and me was trying to imitate songs who hadn't been written for my comfortable zone tonality...anyway it was a good exercitation pattern for me...i get experienced on using my voice pushed to limits and now today i know there are limits i can't overcome and i shouldn't never overcome....even tried to sing my own songs and the natural aging of my body my health issues and finaly the fact of having used voice not Always in the correct way, made me lose 4 or 5 halftones on high tonalities singing....that's not bad itself also because i recovered 2 or 3 half tones in my lower tonalities....when i use voice i feel resonating on higher notes and it's lucidty seems like not in the past, around central italian "DO centrale" octave....to be not too much a technician,i can say i'am a tenor with a baritone vocal extension. But that's not still the point of the matter....

THE FACT OF NOT BEING SO ATTRACTIVE AS FAR IT IS PERCEIVED FROM FEMALES, finds it's explaination on karma, behaviour, and somatic features not always in conformity of the stereotypes and also for "generational psychosocial" conjuncture lack of misalignement / entanglement at the age of 41 I began to think THIS FACT might be a blessing in disguise. KNOWING FOR EXAMPLE THAT BEING AT MOST WOMENS' HEIGHT OR STATURE makes me able to read easily in their eyes but that fact doesn't satisfy for example their attitude to be dominated by an higher "size" male subject.  It's said that people who can cahange tjhe world have not to have a family and kids to be more free from personal intyerest and from other conditioning, ME, LORENZO ABBIATI can proudly say that i have the possibility to entertain and develop many knowledge disciplines and have access to many kind of wisdom realities and culture,  having no time to dedicate to breed or a woman to care for. also it is known that the best way to find an opposite sex partner is not to search it anymore and go on just doing what you are supposed to do. But this isn't still the point.......Might happen to find a woman who relies on me and that estimates me for my real value BUT THAT IS NOT MY "CORE BUSINESS STRATEGY"...NOT FOR EGOCENTRISM BUT FOR OPPORTUNITY AND CHOSE INDEED. IT IS SAID THAT WHAT CAN'T BE MUST NOT BE. WHAT CAN BE IN PART MIGHT BE.  WHAT IS FROM THE START MIGHT MOST LIKELY ENDURE AND PERPETRATE IN TIME.

ONE SOLUTION OF THE PROBLEM IS THE LACK OF THE PROBLEM ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE SHADOWING YOURSELF WHEN THE FATE IS ADVERSE.

I AM DYING FROM THE COLD INSIDE I DON'T NEED AN ADDITIONAL COVER CAUSE I AM ALREADY FIT TO BE IN THE COLD WITH MY OWN HEAVY BLANKET....ADDITIONAL BLANKETS ARE TO BE KEPT TO BE ADDED ON TO WHOM HAS NOT ENOUGH HEAVY OWN BLANKET.

I AM MANY PEOPLE AT ONCE BECAUSE I AM NOTHING AND EVERYONE AT ONCE ,DON'T REPRESENT NO-ONE. I AM ENGINNER NOT ENOUGH PRACTICAL, AN HEALER BUT STILL A BIT INSANE, KNOW I AM NOT AWARE OF EVERYTHING, STUDYING NOW THEORY OF RELATIVITY AND QUANTUM PHYSICS, PRACTICING IT IN MY OWN LIFE, I AM FREE TO BE FREE....IT'S SIGNIFICANT I AM LIVING NEAR PIAZZA EUROPA HERE IN R.E. ITALY....YOU KNOW A LITTLE BIT OF MY LIFE...THIS IS THE TIP OF MY ICEBERG MY OWN WORLD IS ALSO BELOW IT AND YOU WILL NEVER FULLY GET AWARE OF IT (MYSELF AM NOT FULLY AWARE OF IT)

PIAZZALE EUROPA HAS BEEN REQUALIFIED AND SO HAS BEING MY LIFE. I AM STILL SEARCHING MY LOST FREEDONM IN CARLOS SOLOS AND I HAVE BEEN MANAGING TO FIND IT EVEN IN RARE AND UNEDITED SOLOS AND SONGS MAINLY FROM PAST EPICAL CONCERTS.

ANYWAY THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISING I SERIOUSLY WANT TO TELL THE WORLD THAT BEING ALONE ISN'T TJHE FINAL SOLUTION. THE BEST OF MEN COME FROM COOPERATING WITH EACH OTHER. ANYWAY MY KARMA MISSION HERE ON EARTH IS NOW CLEARER EVEN TO ME: NOT TO CONQUER ANTYTHING ELSE THAN SELF CONFIDENCE TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD, HEAL IT RATHER THAN DOING MY OWN BATTLE....I HAD MANY PROBLEMS IN THE PAST, AND HAD BEEN USING THEM TO GROW IN WISDOM AND SELF AWARENESS....KHNOW HOW TO HEAL BECAUSE NEEDED TO BE HEALED, KNOW HOW TO BUILD A MIRACLE BECAUSE MY LIFE IS A MIRACLE....PROUD TO BE HERE WITH MY AOAND FRIENDS FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS. NEVER DYING ENTHUSIASM!

we could rhetorically say that changes are quick and loudly self-expressing but i have building my own miracles day by day....it's what has been percieved from the external that seems to be "0 or 1" BUT progression is most likly analogic building fractions on fractions of it each and every day.

NOW I AM FREE TO BE WHAT I CAN BE, TO BE WHAT I AM, TO BE WHAT I CAN SUCCEED TO BE, EVEN KHNOW THE WAY TO HEAL MY SHADOW ZONES. WHEN THE STORY WILL BE UNFOLD MY PAST MISALIGNEMENTS WILL BE WON...but i would be, i hope as late as can be because, only on this path, through this path and trough this actual reality that i can heal MANY PEOPLE.