Parenting, Guiding and Teaching Children in a New Dawn

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Comment by Alaniya Patton on October 1, 2009 at 12:45pm

hi all.. just wanted to share that after almost 13 years i'm having the first "time-out" - yes, i left the kids with their dad and step-dad and took a plane to take me to my homeland for a couple of weeks. it is HEAVEN and i don't miss them one minute - (i won't tell them of course). the bottom line is, i've waited way too long to give myself a well deserved retreat. i am seeing how the dynamics flow when the kids are working their "magic" to pull me into their drama - and i certainly hope to have gained enough insight once i'm back home that i will have the serenity to not let it happen again, for I see how lack of drama can lead to a very peaceful home, where everyone is heard, has their own free will where there is no need for manipulation, competition or the like. i pray that i be strong enough to stay in the love, stay in the centered balance and that i see and am able to acknowledge the girls' many talents and good points and let them find out about the "bad" points on their own through natural consequences... i SO want to be able to turn the wheel around. wish me luck ? :)

Comment by drmike on October 1, 2009 at 11:29am

Ruth,

Been there, done that. Once my kid had a cold and was not feeling well, and just wanted to be with me. I had to drop him off and go to work at my failing small business venture, while I had to tear him off from me and place him directly into the nurse's quarters while his mother was in transit. That hurt.
But, the reality was that he was fine. I had to do what I need to.

I can just suggest, if you can, to pick up little lady early today and spend a little time with her. If you can take her to the park, or beach, or somewhere she can talk to you about what is occuring in her world. I get the feeling she wants to be heard by you. Also, try not to beat yourself up, because the reality is that to fulfill all our obligations often requires more time than is in one day.

Also refer to Jeanne's blog in this section from 9-8-09 which I think is a great blog on the spontaneity that children have. We must face our issues, in relation to whatever theirs may be....HA!

Best,
Mike

Comment by Ruth Fuller on October 1, 2009 at 1:29am

Horrible morning. I just dropped my kids off at school and my middle child screamed and wailed and grabbed hold of my leg. It started as one of those toddler tantrums when they want you to do something but without doing it. I know she's just feeling something she can't communicate but she's a six year old with fantastic language skills. I'm doing lots of excercises with her to help her feel safer about opening up and reaching out (she tends to live in a bit of a bubble, very typical middle child I guess) but on days like this, when I have to pull her off me and hand her to a teacher whilst she's still crying, I just feel so at a loss.
I just needed to share that.
Do we all feel as though we should be able to wave a magic wand for our children?

Comment by Ruth Fuller on September 27, 2009 at 10:01am

Like Jeanne say's teaching works better when it's fun and full of energy. With my youngest (who's also just started school) we worked on letters with a giant letter board and playing "I spy" by jumping on the letters. We started an interest in stories by drawing stories of our own and we have games where we race to the "oo" or the "ch" to work on letter and blend recognition. Giant letters are brilliant. For me the key to teaching my younger children anything has been making it active or silly and the key to teaching my eldest seems to be in discovering things together with a shared enthusiasm. No matter what age we are we just don't want to do anything that's been called work but love it when goofing off is informative.

Comment by drmike on September 9, 2009 at 9:33pm

Thanks Jeanne and Claudia, I can always count on you all for sage and insightful contributions.

Best, Mike

Comment by Jeanne on September 8, 2009 at 11:11am

IMO, 'bored' is a result of mimicking adults. When I was a kid, I never heard the word... and when i heard it being perpetrated around my grandson... I was not amused.
I think it is part and parcel of the 'instant' and 'entertaining' fix that modern kids have come to expect. ...and its too often reinforced by whiny adults.

"goofing off and reporting to get bored"... just guessing, but I find that adults forget about the fun of learning and forget about the short attention spans of kids. So they often kill the joy of learning while trying to curb a child's natural enthusiasm for the moment.

I'm reminded of when I was in the Army and was attending the Academy of Health Science. One of the professors was not so engaging... and he was losing his audience alot. One day when his class was nodding out, he laid down on the floor and asked what position he had assumed. The oddity of a professor on the floor... especially him, took everyone by surprise. I don't think anyone in that class will ever forget 'supine'.

i think children need even more hands on, real-life learning rather than just cold, hard facts to memorize. Once my son hit school age, reading was less of an activity we shared... my feeling was if the teachers are doing their job... he'll read just fine... and he does. I felt my job was to teach the things he won't get in school.

Your son will do fine. He has two bright parents who love him and are interested in his progress... do you know how many kids don't have that? As an only child... the challenge becomes... will the parents over-parent?

Also... IMHO... teachers of the early grades are some of the best people on the planet. Its the later grades where schooling tends to degrade into mind-numbing boredom... designed to dumb-down even the brightest.

Comment by Alaniya Patton on September 8, 2009 at 10:09am

Hi Mike, my girls are starting tomorrow as well - 4th and 7th grade ... they keep reminding me to "butt out" and that the school is "their" experience, so for me it's again "hands off" and let the kids guide themselves into their very own potentials which I have no idea of... basically: "never do something for a child that he can accomplish himself" - it requires trust in your kid and also trust in the process. I am certain that for those moments when you truly are needed you'll be there, no matter what ! Boredom around an academic subject means that the child either has no interest in the subject at this time and will not learn it at the moment, no matter how much you push, or that he has grasped the concept and is ready to move along to more challenging things. Let your son set the pace, as best as you can in the public school setting.

Comment by drmike on September 7, 2009 at 10:36pm

My son is off to first grade tomorrow. I'm so happy and proud of him. We worked on reading with him, and it will be fun to see how he responds to working to read and write solo this year. "Hooked on Phonics" was o.k. over summer, but I found him goofing off and reporting to get bored a lot. I'll be patient with him and me. Any tips for this year folks?

Comment by Jeanne on August 16, 2009 at 1:32pm

I don't know what happened... I wrote a response and it disappeared... Oh, well... perhaps I can say it better the second time.
Claudia, I am inspired by the willingness of all to participate in community discussion... and am grateful to learn and grow through the process. The diversity of opinions and ideas that are exchanged here are amazing... though can be another sort of challenge. I appreciate your interest in keeping things tidy... sounds like a busy mom thing... but I see veering off topic and back and forthing as part of the process. I'm glad you're not suggesting non-transparency as a mode of discussion. If you had been, I would understand the motive, but would encourage otherwise. I appreciate your commitment to parenting, education and discussion of these matters and look forward to more. Metta, Jeanne

Comment by Alaniya Patton on August 15, 2009 at 5:34pm

thanks Jeanne, for your input - there have not been private messages going on between Jim and I, other than we became friends on here - my suggestion to bring the topic into a new thread was based on not cluttering the comment wall, that's all - just a suggestion, of course it would be Jim's decision to do that or not. There is no covert agenda here, but if two people "butt heads" with their opinion, it is sometimes not possible to stay on topic, therefore I see it as a courtesy not to foul up the discussion space with intense "back and forth" that has nothing to do with the beginning topic of parenting, but only serves to bring 2 people onto a somewhat common denominator - just all a form of courtesy to me. no harm intended, no hiding either - hope that helps
claudia

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