Mercury Moments in Time~~~
I recall the first time I found out about Mercury Retrograde.
It was a hot and muggy August morning in 2004.
It's usually dead down here in South Florida.
The streets in downtown Ft. Lauderdale were fairly empty.
I was finishing up the final preparations for various spiritual workshops that were scheduled in the months ahead.
One of the workshops had not one person sign up for it.
That hadn't happened before, so I emailed the woman to inform her of this.
The workshop facilitator had called me back in a panic, she had just realized it had been scheduled during Mercury Retrograde.
I remember thinking to myself, "So what?"
If it had been meant to be, it would have been.
It was cancelled.
I didn't think twice about this nuttiness.
But, I did begin to think back to interests I had, roughly, 27 years before that time.
I found myself delving into uncovering information about Mercury Retrograde, on the web.
One tidbit that I found highly interesting, was that Mercury was associated with Hermes and Arch Angel Metatron.
And, now, I find myself flipping back in time, back to 1977-ish, maybe early 1978-ish.
I was an astrological fruitcake---I was all about anything and everything zodiac related.
What's your sign, was my favorite line, because I was sure it was all significant.
How else would one explain why I always called my astrological mentor, Irene, when the Moon was in Libra?
Irene and I had met, back in the summer of 75.
One theme to my dreams, when I was a very young child, was being in Egypt.
I didn't know when I was so young, that the name of the place was Egypt.
I know now that it was real---
And at the age that I was was when I recall having these dreams, there was no way I could have known about Egypt.
I was under 5 years old, this was in the mid to late 50's---
There was minimal TV back then and I don't recall us even having a TV until I was about 6 or 7 years old.
I would be looking at the pyramids, from a distance, in my dreams---
I would be doing something, in a building----- and then I would feel myself faint.
The scenery would also change---
Sometimes I would be by a river and sometimes I would find myself in a vast field of grasses.
In one dream---
I was running from warriors who were chasing a group of people---
And then I felt myself fall to the ground---
There would be this familiar male figure, bending over, and working on me---
Doing something that I would almost be "watching" him do, from above the scene.
It wasn't until many years later, when I had a very mystifying experience, that some of the Egyptian dreams made sense.
It was the summer of 1975 and I worked for a township on Long Island that had a recreation program that was the first of its kind.
It was a recreation program for special needs children and adolescents.
I worked as the Arts & Crafts counselor and enjoyed interacting with the participants in the program.
As I worked during the first week or so of the summer program, I kept seeing this woman.
She had this mass of curly dark black hair, and there was a familiarity to her---
I knew that I had never met her before and yet I knew that I knew her from somewhere else.
We were eventually introduced, her name was Irene.
We talked here and there, over the following weeks I learned that she was an astrologer.
And, from time to time, as we became unlikely friends, she would provide astrological insights to me, about me.
She was at least 10 years older than I was at the time, she had 2 kids, the house, the husband---and I was still working my way through college.
One day, at the beginning of August 1975, our lives collided in a very strange way.
It was the day we were having a Special Olympics event.
It was horribly hot, the temperatures in the early morning were already hovering at 90 degrees.
I arrived, parked my car, and made my way into the area where the event would be held.
I noticed a group of people I knew, and walked over to them. Irene was there too.
We were all standing around talking, waiting for the preliminary events to begin.
Suddenly, I began to realize that I was feeling strange.
I had never felt what I was feeling, before that.
I felt as if there was a veil dropping down and beginning to cover me.
I figured I just needed to sit down.
So, I suggested to the group that we sit down under a tree.
As we were sitting, within just a minute or two, I realized that I needed to lay down.
A part of me felt foolish, but the overwhelming feeling was to just lay down and forget about the others.
I stretched out, and then began to feel as if every single pore in my body was closing.
I felt as if I my body were suffocating.
I recall one part of my mind was wondering what was going on, while another part of my mind was telling me that I was dying.
I felt no panic whatsoever.
I felt that if I was going, well---I was going.
No thoughts about living left to live---or goals yet to accomplish.
Just an acceptance.
As I lay there, feeling the physical closing off of my body---
And calmly waiting for what was to come---
I began to feel something that began at my feet.
I felt a cool stirring of air---
Then it was at my ankles, my calves, thighs----
I knew I wasn't imagining it---
Then my stomach, chest, throat, a cool stirring of the air--- and then I opened my eyes.
Irene's hands, palms towards me, were about 6 inches above my face.
She was looking into my eyes and she said, "This is the 2nd time I have saved you from dying. I was your physician in Egypt."
My mind was still trying to make sense of what I had felt, and I knew that what she was saying was true.
I didn't know why I knew it was true; I didn't understand what had just taken place; I just felt inside me---that it was so.
Irene and I didn't talk about what had happened---
On some very deep, almost intuitive level, we didn't need to speak, the connection was a continuation...
The following spring, after breaking off my engagement to a guy I had been dating for several years, I found myself in North Carolina.
I was staying first with my older brother and his family, and then I had rented my own apartment.
One day, in the summer of 1976 at about 11:30am, I felt the urge to call her.
As I picked up the phone and began to dial her number, suddenly, I heard her ask me to wait for about a half hour.
Clearly, I heard her tell me that she would be finished doing what she was doing at noon.
I waited, dialed her number at noon, and she answered the phone saying, "Thank you for waiting, I was feeding the kids lunch. I knew you were going to call me, the Moon is in Libra!"
She explained what that meant, and periodically---when I would think to touch base with her, inevitably---
The moon was in Libra.
She and I didn't speak much on the phone for a while---
I was busy realizing that North Carolina wasn't the place for me---
I was missing something, and knew that I wanted to move back to New York.
In late September of 1976, I moved back to NY---first on Long Island, moving back with my parents, and then close to---
Queens, New York---
Not exactly IN The City---but close enough.
I was building my life---emerging from two consecutive relationships---
And into a life of my own choosing.
Two roommates from H---E---Double Hockey Sticks---later---
I was on my own, searching for another roommate---
I asked close friends to recommend, and within a week, manifested a life long friend, Caren.
Caren and I decided to throw a little get together in the spring of 1977.
Irene was invited and Irene drove in from The Island.
A different connection, something was changing---
We spoke of the future, the months ahead---
I knew it was important to listen, and for the life of me---
I can't remember now what she said.
We never spoke again---
I've searched for her often, googling and hoping---to find her, and reconnect.
I laugh now when I think back to when I first did my own astrological chart, all by my own self.
I had armed myself with a rather large cumbersome book which cost a prohibitive $30 something dollars back then.
Within that book was everything I thought I needed to know and it was the best bang for my bucks.
I carefully calculated my chart, and I have no idea what I was thinking, going through all that work.
I had everything figured out and on paper, that would show me what I was about in the abstract astrological sense.
I began to read the revelations that would surely tell me something I didn't know about myself.
What I began to read, shocked me---
Whatever was in this book, took me by total surprise.
And none of it pertained to my view of myself.
I got up and walked into the kitchen and told my roommate Caren, "I'm not who I think I am, or who you think I am. You wouldn't believe this shit I'm reading!"
I vividly remember Caren turning towards me and saying, "Who are you then?" and "Roll us a joint, this should be good!"
"I don't understand why I didn't realize how I really must be, but somehow I managed to keep a lot from myself!" I explained as I rolled us a joint.
She joined me in the living room and I began to read her these unreal descriptions of me, realizing that I'd have to read it all so she could understand what I was experiencing.
"That can't be accurate, "Caren said in between hits.
"It is, " I announced, almost depressed.
It had something to do with Jupiter and something else that I have no idea what it was now.
"Go back and double check just to make sure, maybe you reversed something, or mis-calculated," she advised.
Thankfully, I listened to her, and with a great big sigh of relief, I realized that I'd had it all wrong.
A part of me wondered, back then, what IF I hadn't gone back to redo my calculations?
I didn't take that thought too far, I was just thrilled to be reading positive stuff about myself.
My faith in myself and who I was, was restored---
I recall buying the same $30 something dollar book for Pisces, and Sagittarius.
Sagittarius was the sign of my ex-fiance.
Then, through something akin to Divine Intervention---
I met my ex husband, during Saturn in Virgo.
And decided that there was no sense focusing on astrology---he was a Scorpio---
And despite a painful Scorpio lesson in 1976-1977, his Pisces rising was more important.
Back to the future, to the past several years of Mercury Retrogrades---
There's some payoff in using Mercury Retrograde periods, to reflect back on other Mercury Retrograde times.
The next Mercury Retrograde was in December of 04--- went well, nothing horrific of note, happened.
It was a time of inner review for me.
Signs of my relationship with the Universe were all around me.
The month previous to that Retrograde in Sag during November of 2004, I had several interesting experiences with past life regressions.
I also had set up a Shamanic Journeying series of workshops, that I was really looking forward to.
I was also finalizing and tying up loose ends with my first Angel Fair, bringing together a group of 8 amazingly gifted teachers.
The circle I found myself in, was peopled with teachers of depth and integrity.
I was still married and there were no concrete thoughts about divorce or separation.
Although, as I look back now at that period, I can see that I was right smack dab in the middle of---
Expanding my boundaries---
Pulling my vulnerabilities out---
A wide-eyed innocent---
Simultaneously---I was in the middle of:
Coming out of a 3 year period of----
I don't know what to call it, but---
It was post cancer treatments---
Value and worth---
In conflict with---
Inner revelations of---
All of this---
Swirled around and within me.
And, I was excitedly making sense of it all.
When Mercury next went Retrograde in March of 2005, it was in Aries, my rising sign.
A time of patience---
Hard for a Libra and hard for an Aries!
A time for thinking about independence and a time to reflect on what compromises we had made---
In order to get along in the world, in order to belong---
And, teachers continued to arrive---this student was ready.
I felt more and more was opening, within me---
That which was outside of me, began to change forever.
I began to see that my marriage had to end---
The masks that had to be shed---
But how and even why---this was happening, were just simply accepted.
And finally---the decisions began to unfold.
Fast forward to an intense rewind---
Mercury Retrograde in Leo, July and August 2005----
Lessons of Saturn leaving Cancer---
Having taught us about how we felt deep inside of us---
Saturn entering Leo---
Teaching us, some of us--- early lessons relating to---
Expressing who we were becoming---
Many of us were challenged to stand up for what we believed in, although it was in conflict---
With what was surrounding us.
Other experiences and lessons, during the early part of Saturn in Leo, related to:
The critical look at our inner selves and how that was manifesting in the outward masks and manipulations we tolerated.
How we relate our inner power, to the the relationships with others, in our lives.
To show our authentic selves, to the world---
To reflect our true selves, in integrity and with passion.
The ending of karmic debt, learning to release the fears---
Being who we wanted to be---
The summer of returning to taking on our shadows.
A critical degree emerges---a do or die degree of decisions.
A prelude to the new.
Faith emerges as the bedrock.
Inner and outer power.
For many of us, it meant life altering decisions, working out in the end---
Being rewarded with balance.
And yet a dying of other parts of our lives, beginning to be let go---
Who was in charge?
What could all of this mean to us now?
Why would this be important, why is ALL of this coming up for review, now?
Another few days to go, with the present Mercury Retrograde---
I'm just trying to cover all of the bases, so that the lessons are learned---
I'm determined to enjoy this, the seeking to understand---
Why this trip down Mercury Lane now?
What could the Cosmic Trickster be up to now?
My mind (Mercury), could it be re-minding me of power?
Capricorn is all about power---rightful use of power---
Learning where our power has led us---
Responsible use of power---
Defeat--- what defeats have we learned to turn into spiritual victory?
Learning about our inner depths, those cold and unused parts of ourselves that need the flame to spark the life force?
How do we choose to dispel the cold?
As if a sign, the weather has---- the weather has turned cold here---
Enough of this shi(f)t already!
Which, is most likely a huge part of what this is all about, Earth Students!
Mercury is helping us to learn that it's all up to us!
Mercury is finishing up this round of review.
And so have I.
Beach Buddy just asked, "How do you go on?"
I said a bunch of stuff and he reminded me that I hadn't answered his question.
Do any of us know how we really go on?
A fitting end to several days of reminiscing, being brought back to see the me's of the past.
Till the next time, Earth Students---
This isn't the easiest of times for many of us---
So let's just get through this as best we can, because enduring is what this is about.