The Give and Receive Confusion

[Joyce Shafer]

Concepts about Give and Receive influence your choices and outcomes. Misunderstood or misconstrued concepts can lead to frustration.

The prevalent statement about this is, “It is better to give than receive.” It’s repeated so often and in such a way, most people don’t feel they have a right (or a reason) to stop and ponder it. It causes some people to over-give or give inappropriately—more often their energy and time than a tangible, and may also block their ability to receive.

I think “It’s better to give than receive” is one of those idioms either mistranslated or misconstrued over time—like the one about it being as easy for a rich man to enter heaven as it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. It’s actually supposed to be “the,” not “a.” Eye of the Needle was the largest gate into a city, meaning it was extremely easy for even the largest camel to pass through. Hmm. Can you say, “Oops?” (There’s more about this give/receive quote later in this writing.)

We’ve been conditioned to not think about such statements repeated often, even when we feel a twinge about them or perceive an obvious contrast. It’s okay to give consideration to any philosophy that doesn’t sit right. If it doesn’t feel right to you, there’s a reason.

Give to Receive is another one that requires some exploration. There is truth to it. However, if your motivation to give is solely to receive, you’re likely to experience this backfires on you. Why? The energy of lack is attached to it: what you perceive you lack and, even, what you perceive others lack (do you give because they lack or give to help them get stronger). Maybe a better quote is, “Give and Receive.”

What you focus your emotionally-charged attention on, you get more of. Let me add: What you focus your emotionally-charged intention on you get more of. That’s a bit more accurate, energy-wise. The deeper meaning is that you get back what you give—positive and negative; so you want your acts of giving (including monetary exchanges for services and products—yes, even monthly bills) free of negative emotional attachments. If your intention is fueled by fear of lack, or need, rather than belief in yourself and abundance, this affects your experience and your outcome.

Give and Receive are meant to loop—one is supposed to feed the other. Like with the yin-yang symbol: one becomes the other. There may be a period of time when, as one “pours” into the other, the size doesn’t appear equal, but it will balance out. If you block one pathway, you block the other.

Give to Receive has a nice feeling when you give what you have head-and-heart alignment about giving. When you do this, you receive—whatever that is for you, even if all you “seem” to receive is a really good feeling about doing it. Giving this way means you don’t perceive the exchange was unequal. The good feeling keeps you in vibrational magnetic mode to receiving more of anything.

It’s been said that you receive more of what you give, e.g., if you give money, expect to receive money. If you give books, expect to receive books, and so on. That’s a belief. You may, indeed, experience this “matching,” but is it really about what you give or is it really about your overall giving-receiving-loop beliefs? Is there a twinge of limitation inherent in that “matching” statement? Is it really that way or is it that way because it’s believed to be; and if it is just a matter of parameters placed on a belief, do you want to limit how abundance and prosperity comes to you—or how you give it (based on what you hope or want to get back)?

If you give your services or products in exchange for something, you want that exchange to be monetary, unless you specifically agreed to a barter arrangement. People who are spirituality-based can get very confused about this topic, as can their clients and customers (though, it’s not limited to spirituality-based businesses). Should non-tangible, spirituality-based services be charged for is a question both sides play with. Usually, that’s because of an imbalance about lack and self-valuing, which I addressed in another article, “Does Gender Influence Prosperity?”

An example of why it’s not always better to give than receive—especially in business—is from my past, when I got involved with a project for a new client. I was very clear about my rates, which were hourly. I was very clear that the number of hours could not be guessed at because of the nature of the project. She agreed to my terms. It also turned out that I had added investment because I connected her with someone who had high public exposure who contributed to her project and would enhance her platform (public outreach).

A lot of hours of my time were involved. We reached a certain point in the project and she informed me she’d had a fixed number in mind as the total she’d pay for my services, and told me about her financial limitations—both should have been mentioned before we started, when I discussed this with her. Well, that was a quandary. I was halfway through the project—and, she kept adding to it. I had involved another individual. I made a decision, and take full responsibility for it: I agreed to her final number and kept working. By the time I returned her project to her, I’d “contributed” twice my billable services rate compared to what she’d paid. I was not happy . . . but, it had been my choice.

I found myself feeling angry and frustrated when I provided my services on her project—services I love. That was NOT a way I ever wished to feel again. I gave myself a very good lesson. I include this example so you can pay attention to when you give when you really are not in head-and-heart alignment about it.

If you can’t give because it will feel good in some way—and with no additional expectation attached to it beyond the reason you’ve chosen to give, hold off on giving until you are aligned with that feeling. If alignment doesn’t come, give this thought. Find your Why for saying Yes or saying No.

If you know or notice that what you’re giving is causing you, in any way, to shift into the “negative” column on whatever that “balance sheet” is—especially emotionally, look at what’s going on and make a choice, find a solution or resolution.

I suggest that when you hear or read anything about giving and receiving, including this article, feel if it truly resonates for you or if it creates a contrast. Either feeling can assist you to point yourself in the right direction. Giving and Receiving are better for all involved when they’re joyful experiences.

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