Shiftin' consciousness an' stuff like that

[Tamara Knight]

My friend Cheryl says we’re in the midst of a great shift in consciousness. I said "Honey, I been tryin to shift my consciousness for years an it aint budgin". Apparently it’s all got somethin to do with 2012. What the hells that all about?? Cheryl said we’re gonna ascend. I said "Honey, I live in a trailer park! What the hell do I need an elevator for?" Cheryl’s a good kid but she don’t think things through. Know waddimean?

This is the way I see it: If somethin’s gonna happen in 2012 only nobody knows what it is… well, we might as well jus’ carry on as if nothin’s gonna happen, right? I mean, if the world’s gonna end, waddaya gonna do? Wear a crash helmet? Hide in the cellar?

If we’re gonna ascend, well, jus’ how we gonna do that exactly? Anybody know? Is this somethin’ spiritual or are we gonna get sucked up some cosmic vacuum hose? Only I wanna know ‘cos I jus’ aint good with heights. I’m OK with cramped spaces but heights make me all… anyway, I’m getting off subject here.

If we’re talking ‘bout something spiritual, well, what’s altitude got to do with it? Why does everybody assume we’re goin up insead o’ sideways? I mean, spiritual’s spiritual, right. Don’t make no diff’rence if we go up, down, sideways or diagonal. Know waddimean?

Who came up with this 2012 thing anyhow? I heard it was some broad called Maya. Anybody know where she hangs out? Only I wanna word with her. I don’ think she’s givin us all the facts. Lotta details left out. Know waddimean?

How’d everybody get to know about all this stuff, anyway? I watch the news an I aint heard nothin. Cheryl says it’s to do with crop circles. She says they’re made by aliens from the fifth dimension an they’re messages telling us we’re all gonna ascend in 2012. Well, I seen these crop circles and I aint seen nothin that says that.

I mean, if these aliens are so smart, why don’ they leave messages we can all understand, right? I mean, I aint smart (though you prob’ly figured that out already) but, if I wanted to leave a message like that, I’d jus’ write in big capitals: “FOUR MORE YEARS THEN WE’RE OUTA HERE! DON’T FORGET TO CANCEL THE MILK!” Nobody would be any doubt ‘bout that, would they?

Now, I aint sayin it aint aliens. I don’ know. But it could just be people with an eye for exterior design. I mean, let’s face it, I wouldn’t mind wunna them on my lawn… if I had a lawn, that is. It could be jus’ art. I guess it could be aliens an they’re writin in alien language but I aint so sure. Cheryl says I’m closed minded.

As soon as I get hold o’ this Maya gal, I’m gonna ask her what the hell she thinks she’s playin at, getting folks all fired up like this. I mean, jus’ supposing… now I don’ wanna bust nobody’s balloon but jus’ supposing 2012 comes an goes an nothin happens? This Maya gal’s gonna get her ass sued off.

We’re all gonna look like real jerks. Know waddimean? We’re all gonna be stood there with crash helmets an padded out with pillows jus’ lookin’ ‘round an the birds are singin like nothin was gonna happen anyway. Guys in the White House gonna crawl out from under their desks. G.Is in Iraq gonna look up over their sandbags at the Iraqis lookin over their sandbags an’ we’re all gonna feel real stupid.

Then we’ll realise how silly it all is an we’re gonna laugh like we never laughed before. Maybe then, somebody gonna look around at everybody laughin an say “Hey! I wonder if this is ascension?”

[Tamara Knight]

I think you're the one messin' with our heads, Ron! I aint heard nothin' 'bout that an' I know that woulda been big news here.

I might be Trailer Trash but I aint that dumb!

From now on, I aint gonna believe nothin' you say!

[Ron Tocknell]

"I might be Trailer Trash but I aint that dumb!
From now on, I aint gonna believe nothin' you say!"

So, if I say you're Trailer Trash........

Know waddi mean?

[Melanie Worman]

I'm convinced you two were made for each other. Among other things, Ron is a cartoonist, and for him to meet his match with a cartoon (an a real beaut of a gal at that) is a match made in heaven! Come on Jeanne, lets go back to Crone to the Bone and leave them to it.

Ron Tocknell said:

Jeanne said:

Who is Nigel?

Nigel is the King of England. Don't pay any attention to Mel. She's messing with your head.

King Nigel I Married Queen Elizabeth II after her messy divorce with Prince Phillip over his philandering, gambling and penchant for cross-dressing (believe me, Royal cross-dressers can be quite disturbing... puts Elton John into the shade).

Nigel was Her Majesty's Royal Toy Boy for some years until the divorce. He only agreed to marry her on condition that he could be King, not some whimpy Prince.

Now you know I wouldn't lie to you Jeanne, so don't let anyone tell you different :o)

[Jeanne]

Mebbe yur right, Mel... cuz I was wondrin' whether to take cover or pull up a chair and watch the show... seems like one of those love/hate thangs.

Then ag'in, mebbe we should sneak Tamara 'long with us, cuz I'm thinkin' Ron is a prevaricator in the 1st degree. Nigel... hmm-ph, ain't buyin' it. (though I like the idear of Liz havin' a boy toy...)

Melanie Worman said:

I'm convinced you two were made for each other. Among other things, Ron is a cartoonist, and for him to meet his match with a cartoon (an a real beaut of a gal at that) is a match made in heaven! Come on Jeanne, lets go back to Crone to the Bone and leave them to it.

Ron Tocknell said:

Jeanne said:

Who is Nigel?

Nigel is the King of England. Don't pay any attention to Mel. She's messing with your head.

King Nigel I Married Queen Elizabeth II after her messy divorce with Prince Phillip over his philandering, gambling and penchant for cross-dressing (believe me, Royal cross-dressers can be quite disturbing... puts Elton John into the shade).

Nigel was Her Majesty's Royal Toy Boy for some years until the divorce. He only agreed to marry her on condition that he could be King, not some whimpy Prince.

Now you know I wouldn't lie to you Jeanne, so don't let anyone tell you different :o)

[Ron Tocknell]

Looks like it's me and you, Tamara. Damn! I really thought Jeanne would go for the 'Nigel' thing!

I don't know if Mel and Jeanne are croning it to the bone or if they've pulled up a chair to watch and I haven't the faintest idea of what they expect to see anyway. But I have to tell you that I'm a married man and I don't think conducting too intimate a relationship with a cartoon in Texas would be conducive to a harmonious marriage. I think we'll have to confine ourselves to platonic banter.

However, I think it's safe to note that your cartoon persona is absolutely delectable.

[Tamara Knight]

Jesus H Christ, Ron! D'you really talk like that or havya gotta script or somethin'?? I sho' wish I'd been a fly on th' wall when you proposed to your wife!

But I guess you're right. It jus' wouldn' work out. Pity though. I was lookin' at yo' photo an' thinkin' "That guy's gotta real shiny head. I bet I could check my mascara while he's a-lookin' down my cleavage". I guess we'll never know, eh?

So are you sayin' the Nigel thing was just a... waddaya call it... banter?

Yo' even write in an English accent.

[Melanie Worman]

Melanie Worman has just pulled up a chair to watch.
Melanie Worman commented: "Just how did you propose to your wife Ron?"

[Jeanne]

Jeanne is in the house! ...and pullin' up a chair next to Ms. Worman so's I kin hear this too. Jeanne is wondrin' why we're talkin' in the third person.
Tamara, Jeanne did not know that Jesus had a middle initial.

[Ron Tocknell]

Being the old romantic that I am, I said "I think we'll probably end up getting married".

Oh! Put that Kleenex away, you soppy old thing!

[Tamara Knight]

Jeanne:
His middle name was Hermann. I otta know, I was a nun. When he was a kid, his nickname was 'Nibbles'... I never did get to find out why.

Mel / Ron:
I'm really glad you guys hit it off so well. Maybe it's you two who otta elope. But don't they have telephones in England? Yo' both welcome t'call in any time f'r a chat........ with me. Ya wanna chat with each other, y'all start yo' own thread.

Ron: I'm real disillusioned.

Now while y'all sittin' in yo' rockin' chairs starin' at yo' computers an' waitin' for somethin' t'happen, can I give y'all a piece o' advice?

Git out more.