It began on Friday, late at night.
At first, I barely noticed it---
It was in the background of my awareness.
It continued on Saturday~~~~building in rich tones, throughout the day---
It became increasingly difficult to ignore.
At times, it's like an orchestra playing---and yet only certain instruments, certain tones being heard.
Calming, soothing----and, at times, expanding in intensity.
Compelling and subdued as it begins to soften and ebb back---and still within range of hearing.
Just there, not intrusive---forming now a backdrop for my experiences each day.
On the way to work on Monday afternoon---
Without knowing ahead of time that I was going to reveal this---
I found myself saying, "I've been hearing music."
Beach Buddy was driving on the turnpike, as I laid this bombshell on him.
Or, if I'd known I was going to tell him this, I'm sure I would have realized that it might be a bombshell.
And, I probably would have offered some kind of prelude before blurting it out.
He didn't flinch at all.
I think he's grown immune to the strange things that sometimes happen to me.
I can't even remember what he said, which is weird in and of itself.
I'll ask him when he wakes up.
As I sit here typing this, I realize that from about Saturday, until now, it's actually difficult for me to zoom in and recall the memories or experiences of the past few days
Time, the structure of it---the memory of it---what was done, what happened, etc---
Feels now as if it changed.
It has become a blur, if even that.
Yes, I know this sounds as if I've flipped my lid~~~~
Which sort of describes this part of my life...
I spent 8 hours working on Sunday, and I have no real memory of it.
I woke up very early on Saturday, and have a only few chunks of experiences that I can recall.
Around 5ish, on Saturday, as Beach Buddy was preparing to run some errands, I went into my incense drawer.
Oh, let me digress here for just a moment!
Okay, it might be more than a moment.
My incense drawer is the middle drawer of a buffet or side board piece of furniture that I love.
It's a dark rich color, has the 3 drawers, a small door on each side of the middle part, which has slots for bottles of wine.
I don't use this piece for the purpose intended.
I originally bought it to use for my spiritual journey paraphernalia.
On the top, I keep my sage stick, for emergency smudging.
I have an incense holder, torch, a feather---sort of almost an altar---but sometimes junk and stuff just gets put there---
Which I surely hope that the bronze head I have of Quan Yin there doesn't mind---
If she does, oh well---she shouldn't be such a neat freak anyway---
The middle draw is jam packed with incense.
The weird thing is, that I've only bought incense maybe 3 or 4 times within the past year or more----
And, I didn't buy huge quantities of incense either----
It's like Jesus with the loaves and the fishes---
Somehow, it's reproducing itself in that drawer.
We burn, at the very least, on average, several sticks a day.
And I haven't run out!
Okay, I almost just forgot what I was going to say about late Saturday afternoon!
So, I go to the incense drawer, not really understanding why I was opening it up.
I rummage around a bit, and pull out the Copal incense that I've had for years and hadn't burned in at least 2 years.
Like a part of me had a whole mind of its own, I take it out.
I used to use Copal for my shamanic journeying and later found out (after some VERY wild experiences) that it can induce altered states of consciousness.
Last week sometime, or maybe the weekend before last, I had gone through my iTunes library and realized that my drumming tracks were missing.
I decided to put some of them back into my library, how they ended up deleted, I have no clue.
So, a part of my mind knows what I'm going to do, and the rest of my mind is kind of just observing all of this.
I go into my bedroom, take out the bandanna that I use to use to cover my eyes, when I would be journeying.
I put the Copal into the teak incense holder that is always on my night table.
Beach Buddy leaves.
I open my iTunes, plug in my earphones, and open up the drumming playlist that I had created a week or so ago.
And, it dawns on me, that I'm going to journey---which I haven't done in a looooooong time!
It took me a while to settle down, I had to keep restarting the drumming track, my mind was wandering all over the place.
Finally, I was able to get myself calmed down.
It was a bit hard to begin the journey, a part of me was wondering if I should go back to my tried and true place on the beach, and begin my travels to wherever I would be going.
And, as I had that thought, there I was---my journey began.
I recall making my way to the cliffs that framed my beach, walking up to the opening of a small cave that is always there---
Moving towards the rock corridor that slopes and winds in a downward fashion---
And, entering the forest and walking down the familiar path---
I stopped on the path---
Uncertain about whether I should climb a tree, or wait for some animal or being to cross my path---
I vaguely recall making my way across the meadow and towards a place that I am quite familiar with---
But then suddenly, I see a small mountain and decide to walk up the mountain---
The next thing I knew, it was 8 pm.
I was immediately alert, and instantly aware that I was "back."
The copal lingered heavily in my bedroom.
I knew I hadn't been asleep, I was just too clear-headed for that to have been a possibility.
I drank some water, I had a ferocious thirst.
I sat down on the chair in my room and tried to bring up a recollection of where I'd been and what I had experienced.
Beach Buddy came home about an hour or so later, and I was still mystified as to what had taken place.
I don't have lucid memories of Monday either, or, yesterday.
Well I do have one distinct memory of yesterday, which I'll get to in a bit.
I've had numerous experiences with time, sort of, expanding.
The same amount of time as usual passes, but time had to have expanded in order for what had to be done, to be accomplished
Very aware as I was involved in a task, of time.
However, the tasks accomplished, were far too many to have completed, in the amount of time that passed.
That was usually accompanied by a change in pressure, that I felt in my ears---like my ears were popping, but with no stimulus occurring as the reason for it.
These experiences that I've had now, since Saturday, are different.
And I know the orchestra playing now in the background of my days and nights, is related to what is going on with time.
I can't prove it, but I know this to be true.
I do know that when we were eating dinner on Monday night, and the sound of the orchestra playing in my reality---
I asked Beach Buddy if he could hear anything---
I know that he questioned me, and now that he's up---and when he gets out of the bathroom, I will ask him if he recalls what he asked me.
While I'm waiting for him to finish his business in there---
The one thing that sticks out in my mind about yesterday is this---
After I began to get ready for work, out of the shower, blow drying my hair etc---
Something made me go out onto my terrace.
It was brutally hot---
Having not a clue why I was out there, I sat on the chair and began to look at the sky---
Within just a few short moments of sitting---
I hear a weird noise, a buzzing and then---
Right smack in front of me, on the screen---
Staring me down!
I mean like right there in front of my face!
My mind immediately recalled that the same thing had happened when Beach Buddy and I were sitting out there, and I couldn't remember when that had happened.
I thought it was over the weekend, and decided that I would ask him when it happened, if I remembered----
I sat there, staring right back at that bug and asked---
"Okay, I know you're picking this time to say something to me---what is your message?"
I tried to connect with it, figuring that maybe there was a way to communicate with this insect.
I tried to set up a heart connection, not sure one way or another if I did---
I asked again, "Do you have a message for me?"
With that, the cicada began to move very slowly towards the side and with that an amazing breeze began to blow---not too warm and not cool.
But not what one would expect in Florida in August!
I knew I only had a few minutes and figured I'd finish getting ready for work, and if there was supposed to be a message, the crazy cicada would just have to do its part to make sure I got it.
As I moved about my bedroom, I kept glancing at the screen outside, and the cicada was still there.
After about 15 minutes, I informed it (silently), "I've gotta run, friend, hope to see you again---let me know why you're hanging out here!"
With that the cicada leaves!
Okay, Beach Buddy is out of the bathroom---but I'm not really in the mood to ask him any questions right now.
On the way into work yesterday, right in the middle of praying (which is what I do everyday on my way in), without any warning, I say out loud---
"Cicada was back on the screen before!"
His profile changed with that bit of news, and he asked, "When was that?"
"After I ate my bagel," which I just now recall doing---weird!
"What's the message?" he barked at me.
"Who the freak knows? I asked right back, and then said, "I asked it to tell me and it moved towards the side, towards the rail between the sections of the screen. Maybe it was seeking protection since right as it was doing that, a wild breeze blew up." I explained.
"I don't know what the hell is going on now, but I'm sure that there's something about a cicada landing on our screen that must be significant." I informed him.
I don't even recall getting out of the car and making my way into work after that.
But, one thing did happen at work. I was about to tell a coworker about the music I'm hearing all the time.
When suddenly, I feel a crazy tilting of my body---my body was still upright, but I felt this strange closing in of the air around me---not uncomfortable, but scary.
It wasn't physical, I was sitting upright in my chair.
Everything felt silent and still and then things were back to normal.
I didn't say anything about the music.
In a flash, it seems, I was getting back into the car last night and on the way home on the turnpike, Beach Buddy suddenly says:
"It's either a 13 year cycle or a 17 year cycle, what was going on 17 years ago? Were you in the midst of having babies?"
"Geez! The boys are almost 21, so no, I wasn't having babies then. Summer of 92---I know EXACTLY what I was experiencing!" I responded excitedly.
"I was beginning to see the handwriting on the wall with how my ex viewed my value and worth; so called shared resources, and being there for my boys."
Another memory popped in, "And this is the period right before Hurricane Andrew hit too."
Beach Buddy asks, "Okay, what about 13 years ago?"
"Good Lord---the boys were going into 2nd grade---one of them having issues with separating from me; wanting to make sure that I was safe. He worried himself to the point that he could barely function in school." I recalled.
"Oh, and also, I totally was realizing that it was very difficult for me to function in the marriage---why am I recalling this?"
Beach Buddy replied, "Who knows? I just ask the questions and report."
He's no help.
So, just now, I went out into the living room to greet him, ask him how he slept, the usual nonsense.
Then, we went out to sit on the terrace and make some small talk.
Suddenly, he says to me, "I'm hearing a music, a song in my head!"
"Wow, what does it sound like?" I asked.
"Let's dance, the last dance....for love..." he says to me!
I'm about to smack him---but it gave me an opening to begin to end today's installment of this ongoing SHI(F)T Serial crap.
Let's Dance, what the freakin' heck is THAT about....
For the record, the music that continues to play, within my consciousness---is not that type of music~~~~
It's amazingly beautiful and it's with me now, non-stop.
To be continued...