---Shi(f)t Happens---

[AkashicWreckage]

I just might be a spiritual chicken-shi(f)t.

Here's why I suspect that this is a distinct possibility.
It's like there's this part of my mind---- yes----probably some idiot aspect of my ego---that keeps trying to get out of answering------- The Question.
I can't really pin point why I do that---oh I could pinpoint it, I just wouldn't really want to talk about that.

Then, there's this other part of my mind, which--- from a completely detached point---is the part of me that expects me to honor my word and actually---Answer the Question!
It's like a good cop---bad cop routine these two parts of me go through.
It's funny at times, but I have to listen to these two different me's, that are both a part of me, go at it with each other.

It's almost like I have two miniature me's, one sitting on each shoulder, and each of them---are trying to convince the decision maker in me---that they are right.

It doesn't help matters any that I'm a Libra and I could easily make it my life's work just to make a decision.

One of these me's is reeeeeaaaalllly good at distraction. And, this part of me usually succeeds at diverting my attention from----- The Question.

I freaked last night when my beach buddy pointed out to me, that I had said publicly, on here, that I was going to go to the beach and delve into that question!
It's like---sometimes---well a LOT of times, when I'm typing, there's this mind to finger communication. And sometimes the words that end up here go directly from my brain to my fingers and I find the words here, with no recollection of actually typing them. But, when I re-read my words, I understand that there was the other part of me, making sure that I communicated something that I really need to do---and in a way---that might insure that I would actually DO It.

Putting a decision to delve into "What will bring passion back into my life," out here, sort of forces me to do it.
Good Lord, why on earth did I do that?
And, how can I get out of it?

Okay, so here's this part of me, on my right shoulder now, that is saying, "If you don't go to the beach today, we probably won't make time to delve into that question!
And if you don't make it to the beach, that's okay because we don't feel like having to go into the question. Plus, if it's so windy, we really won't be able to take notes about the journey and what if you forget what insights you get?"
She continues and says, "Think about all you can get done if you don't go to the beach! You can clean, mop floors--and don't forget---Bailey is coming for a visit, there are things you must do to prepare for him!"

Now, the other little me sitting on my left shoulder is quietly waiting her turn. Oh---and just as this little other me is about to talk, wouldn't you know it? The sun just broke through the clouds!
Little nice me says: "It will be so peaceful at the beach, and you know how amazingly beautiful the clouds and water will be. If you go to the beach, you can finally reveal to yourself the answers to The Question! Won't that be nice?"

I just stopped myself from rolling my eyes and making a nasty comment to that nice part of me.

Well---now the other little me is squirming around, just itching to interrupt. It's hard for her to contain herself.
She's probably pretty well vested and versed in what attempting to answer The Question might portend.
Change.
Moving out of my comfort zone.
Doing and bringing into my life, what will bring passion in---
But, what if I just can't do that?
What if I fail?
What if it's too late?
What if I don't like passion?
It's a weird word anyway.

And, now, I can hear Rod Stewart singing "Passion!"
They won't leave me alone! I haven't thought about that song in God only knows how long, and now it won't stop playing in my head.
Big Sigh.

But, the lyrics to that song suggest that I may be onto something here. Even good ole Rod seems to understand my dilemma:

"There's no passion, there's no passion
There's no passion, I need passion
You need passion, we need passion
Cant live without passion
Wont live without passion

Even the president needs passion
Everybody I know needs some passion
Some people die and kill for passion
Nobody admits they need passion
Some people are scared of passion
Yeah passion"


I wonder if I should take these words as sort of a message from Rod Stewart NOT to delve into The Question?
Rod clearly says, "Some people are afraid of passion."
There ya go, a good excuse!

Alright----now the good me wants a turn to speak.
"Go into the shower now and shave your legs so that you won't have hairy legs on the beach. You ARE going to the beach."

And now, from the other corner of the ring, the other side of me jumps in and screams, "Are you effing for real? Today's a great day to clean, or she can go get her hair touched up. Her roots are a mile wide!"

Meanwhile, back inside my head, the referee me is attempting to separate these two and make peace between them.

The referee states, "Her roots are NOT a mile wide, stop lying!"

The referee me goes on to point out the definition of passion, which really doesn't even begin to answer the question.
Rather, the antonym of passion---actually points the way to something---the antonym of passion is "apathy."
But, I know I am not an apathetic person, and the emotions I feel are not those associated with apathy.
I know I am a passionate person. I just don't want to risk investigating the question, "What will bring passion back into my life?"

Maybe I should just go and get my hair done, then do a little grocery shopping and plan the dinner I'll be making tomorrow?
My son is coming up for dinner tomorrow evening and that's as good an excuse as any.
Plus Bailey is coming later, and he has to be considered.
Bailey is this old lady's Yorkshire Terrier---he's a puppy and she's---well----dating this 91 year old whipper snapper who lives just below me.
They're leaving for a couple of weeks---taking a cruise.
Bailey ended up staying with me a couple of months ago when the other old people she left him with couldn't handle him after less than a day.
Then, another old lady who lives a few doors away, had him for about 2 days---she couldn't handle him either.
So, he ended up here---he's a cutie pie.

What with all this action in my life, this might not be a good time to explore passion, right?
Someone talk me down---I'm not sure this is the right time to go stirring the pot.
I've been going along just fine---nothing too major happening---
If I go into THAT question, who knows what trouble it will start in my life?

Surely, it will bring a lot of Shi(f)t!
I've done the shift shi(f)t----and it can be uncomfortable.

I think I'll go have another cup of coffee and think about shaving my legs versus mopping the floors.

All these parts of me have succeeded in giving me a big pain in my neck.
My head has had to go back and forth, from left to right and right to left---many, many times.
I've patiently listened to the me on the right shoulder and the other me on my left shoulder.
I wish they'd just shut up already.
I already have already made up my mind, I think.

I'll try to delve into the Big Question, soon---maybe not today---but soon.

And, good Lord! NOW that Brown Robed Monk is suddenly sitting on the chair---it doesn't seem to bother him that there's a bunch of clothes on that chair either.
He's looking at me, and he has his arms crossed---and he has this stern, unrelenting look on his face.

Shi(f)t!!