~~Spring Cleaning~~

[AkashicWreckage]

So, I cleaned on Friday and I didn't shave my legs and go to the beach.
And no, I didn't journey to answer The Big Question either...
The day totally clouded over and the wind began to build up. It also felt a bit chilly, so probably the temps were in the low 70's---brrr!
A simple change in weather provided me with the opportunity to avoid, and escape, answering The Question.
Or, was something else brewing in the clouds and wind?

While sweeping and mopping the tile that runs throughout this condo, I found a part of my mind, almost bringing back a report of the goings on, within the rest of my mind.
This has happened to me before, and I'm usually cleaning, or have my hands occupied in some way, when it happens.
When I was young, it would happen to me when I was ironing. I used to have, as one of my chores, the weekly task of ironing my dad's shirts and handkerchiefs.
Somehow, in the midst of ironing, very important reporting from the recesses of my mind would occur, and I'd finish the ironing, without having a recollection of actually doing it---yet I'd end up feeling much clearer, and sort of refreshed. And, years later, I found out that I usually starched my dad's handkerchiefs, which he used to blow his nose---how did he not say anything to me about that?
He tolerated starched handkerchiefs which couldn't have been truly functional when it came to nose blowing---

So, anyway----- this Rogue Reporter, in my mind begins the newscast---while I was cleaning on Friday, like I don't know what's been going down.
I listened, as I went through the routine of moving furniture--- mop, then back over to the bucket, rinse, squeeze etc.

I think this Rogue Reporter also moonlights as another archetype---- The 3rd Eye Spy.
It all started with The Question, and questioning myself as to why I have avoided it for so long.
And then, this Reporter began to recap the past year---almost like what they do on broadcast TV, that last week of the year between Christmas and New Year.

The scene in my head sort of fades into a documentary, and I see the words, "This Year in Review."
And, I am immediately brought back in time, to this time, one year ago.

As I'm thinking now, I am wondering if this might be something that could be called a spring ritual?
If it is, all's I can say is that it really brightens up my life, big time.
I think I see a pattern to it, and I'm not really crazy about that at all, because then it means that it just might have a chance at becoming some kind of weird yearly ritual.

It seems that the spring has become that time of the year when I begin to question things.
Last year, it was sudden, and in many ways---it was deadly.
I realized almost precisely at this time last year, that a lot of what I believed in, was----in my view, Spiritual Non-Sense.

And the year before that----well---let's not go into that right now.

The Year in Review

Last year---

I was totally feeling that I needed an outlet for My Work, so I put out little posters on the bulletin boards in my community for An Evening of Spirit.
I prayed and set my intention as the wording came to me, and I released that intention before putting the posters around a total of about 25 buildings.
I asked for 1 or more to respond and I got one response, from a woman who has been adopted by the Lakotas as a pipe carrier.
Very interesting meeting-----at first I didn't realize the clarity that meeting brought to me, I sat and listened to her speak for probably two hours.
She bothered me, and I still haven't quite figured out why.
Part of it had to do with "her story," and her relentless recitation of The Story.

I didn't want to think what I was thinking----but while she was talking, I was thinking---"This is total bull crap."
I was quite happy when she finally left to go home.

I had the most amazing experience the next day, a Saturday morning. I woke early, very early, and witnessed a strange sunrise.
I had coffee, and then went to Craig's List to continue to look for jobs and anything else that might come into my awareness.
Nothing there.
So, as I had been doing a lot, this time last year, I have no idea how this actually started, I did a google blog search for something, I had no idea now what I ACTUALLY was searching for.
I clicked on a link and that took me to a blog where there was a priest who wrote a book about A Day in the Life of the Saints.
The priest was unfreakin' believably funny.
It got me to thinking about what I could easily perceive as failures to manifest "my work" over the months before that time last year.
I began to feel hopeless and my tummy began to hurt something awful.

I was in bed, pillows propped up, on the lap top, starring into nothingness on the screen, just feeling like really, this needs to come to an end, I've gotten what I need, and maybe it would be good if I could just die and start all over again.
I could go on, get my "soul/spirit" review, set my goals for the next life, rest up a bit and then come back and start all over again.
I was thinking all this, and put my laptop aside and slid down more on the bed because my belly was hurting really bad.
I wondered if I should open my Akashic Records, and I don't recall if I actually did, or didn't, open them...

I began to think and feel all of the reasons for going, and the old stomach was really sending pain out, weird pain.
And I tried to clear my head and silence the left brain and just feel the pain. I just wanted to let go of everything, and especially the physical, and the pain in my stomach.
And then, I began to cry, and realized that a stream of tears was rolling down my cheeks, and onto my neck, but the skin was going dry almost at the same time, but the tears kept coming, very slowly and purposefully.

I felt my dad, and then --- of all the people who could have come in----Jesus decided to join me.

And I realized what bull shi(f)t everything was. It was all bull shi(f)t.
I was not angry as I was thinking this-----just knowing it's all bull shi(f)t.
My heart rate was fine, I wasn't snot slobbering as I was crying, just completely aware of the nonsense masquerading as spiritual whatever.
I don't know how long this lasted, probably a good half hour or more.

And, I began to realize, as I felt the most amazing energy begin to build in my belly---- who I am, and what I am and it doesn't matter who knows that, or who accepts it---it just IS.

Honestly, I didn't want to move----- it felt soooo good.
But I had to pee, so I got up to go into the bathroom.
As I turned on the light, I could see my face, with no tracks from the tears, my eyes were incredibly bright and I looked normal, and yet there was something else there in me. I finished my business, and looked at my face again, and again realized that what I was seeing was just simply ME.

That day, about a year ago, became kind of a spring cleaning day, but with a twist.
At one point, I went to take a break and began to realize some more things about myself.
Distracted myself from thinking about THAT---- with more unpacking various boxes of stuff, and sorting through it all.
Then I decided to open my Akashic Records.
The realization came to me----- what I have to do.
I felt an amazing peace come over me.

I finished what I had to do with the boxes, my records still open and then I began to think more about all the bull shi(f)t.
The books we buy, the CDs we buy, the workshops people take, the searching and seeking and the struggles to raise our vibration so that we can link into the big Shift that is coming soon, to our neighborhood. Anything we can get our hands on, some of us do---to find that something might help us find out what we can do to get in touch with our true selves, and-----to be our true selves.
There's got to be THE BOOK, or CD or workshop OUT there that will BE the ONE to propel us forward because it will have the exact formula, or the exact steps, clearly explained in easy to understand terms!

Sort of like an Ascension/Raising our Vibration/Getting on with the Real Purpose of Our Lives Primer for Dummies, book.

I had it all---those books, the Angel--- Arch-Angel--- Power Animal oracle cards, 3 Tarot Card decks---oh----and the CD's!
I was standing there looking at all of that stuff---amazed at my personal collection.

And, I realized that some of us fill ourselves with the distractions of the "stuff" ---------and really, it's all bull shi(f)t.
There is no shortcut to the inner work and healing.

And----that Spring Spirit Cleaning continued in the weeks that followed----and well into the months after that, as well.
My Beach Buddy would question me, he would pull out cards from the various decks of Oracle Cards and I'd look at him and say:
"Bull Shi)f)t!"

I couldn't look at those cards, the books bothered me---they held NO easy answers for what was happening within me.
I had to throw out----many of my beliefs----they just didn't fit anymore.
I would think about the numerous experiences that I had directly witnessed or felt---I knew that those were REAL.

So, I would focus on the REAL---keeping that with me, as so much of what I had come to depend on as path to insight---was put to the side.

And, now, as this spring unfolds, and The Year in Review begins to come to a close, I find myself at yet another fork in the road-----

That realization hit me on Friday, as I mopped and wiped, and dusted and scrubbed.
This Question Thing----I wonder----is it really and truly about Answering The Question?
Is it absolutely about---"What will bring passion INTO MY life?"

Would it be answered if I caved in and just did a Journey?

Ha!

Could I get this issue done with, once and for all, if I relented and allowed myself to Journey with the question as my intention?

The Spring Cleaning continues....

[AkashicWreckage]

Why thank you, Louis---I truly appreciate your confidence~~
Thank you for your comments above, they help keep that wind going. :)
Blessings,
AW

[Louis Grenier]

One thing is for sure: I do admire your present courage and determination. I am confident you will acheive what you're intent about. I am grateful for you to let us in on your quest...I'm hanging on your swing! I so enjoy reading you...thanks for the ride, the wind is pleasing!