~~~The Question~~~

[AkashicWreckage]

I'm not too sure I like this Spirit Guide thing.
And, the angels---well---there are times that they bug me...
Oh, don't get me wrong---I believe that we have guides and angels to help us.
But sometimes they are big buttinski's.
Yes, I know, we have free will and that we can choose to go the way of the light and love.
It just gets boring sometimes.

I've been aware of the assistance I've received from "somewhere," for quite some time.
Waaaay back in the mid 70's, I recall one day driving along on the Southern State Parkway on Long Island.
I vividly remember that it was an absolutely gorgeous day. It was a Monday, and I was heading east, back home after staying in Brooklyn with friends for the weekend.
Not a cloud in the crisp blue sky, and I can still see the shading greens of the trees that bordered the parkway.
I drove along, in the left lane, not really focusing on anything except driving and taking in the beauty of the day.

What I don't recall, is how I got from the left lane into the center lane.
One minute I was driving, and the next thing I knew, it was like I "woke" up and was in the center lane.
It was like I had zoned out, but I knew I had been wide awake and alert---but somehow, my car and me, were moved.
In the seconds that I thought about this, wondering how and why it had happened, the road curved and right there in an almost blind part of the curve, in the left lane, was a broken down car.
I freaked when I saw that---because I realized that there would have been little, if any, time to move out of the way.
And, immediately, I realized that I'd been somehow removed from the possibility of that happening...

Another time, on that same parkway, in a snowstorm in maybe 1974 (I can't recall exactly), I was in the merge lane accelerating.
I didn't realize that the roads were as slick as they were, and was stepping on the gas, when the car began to skid.
See, I'd been having some fun recently with friends in an empty parking lot that had snow and ice on it----I practiced spinning the car. What an idiot I was!
So, when my car began to go into a skid---I turned the wheel the opposite way, and the car went into a 360 spin.
Somehow, I ended up on the side of the parkway, facing the direction I had just come from, with a tree about 6 inches from my side of the car.
As I sat there, my heart racing, I realized that some hand had been guiding the car, and me, out of harm's way.
And, the fact that I was facing the way I had been traveling from, made me stop and think about making that trip, that day, to Brooklyn.
I felt like a fool, but I decided to continue my trip. It took me 6 hours, in a bad snowstorm to make it to my destination.
Bumper to bumper traffic, ice and snow on my windshield---and all that I had with me to clear the ice and snow from under the wiper blades, was a freaking crochet hook!

I arrived in Brooklyn, and suffice it to say, that it was the last weekend I spent there visiting my boyfriend.
What I later realized---- that the spin-out I'd experienced at the very beginning of my trip in to see my boyfriend---was an unmistakable sign.
Because, I understood as I was facing the way I came, that I had a choice. The choice to go back home, or to go into Brooklyn.

When I arrived in Brooklyn, after the hairy trip in there, my boyfriend was in the midst of one of his ultra, super dooper, long meditations.
He chided me when I got there for making too much noise when I walked in the front door. Then, he went back to his meditation.
A few minutes later, he scolded me for making noise when I was trying to warm up in the kitchen.

I wasn't hurt, or upset---- a part of me wasn't bothered. It was like a part of me was witnessing all of this from a different vantage point.
Another part of me was like, what the heck? I just spent 6 hours getting here and you, moron boyfriend, are bent out of shape because I'm making a little bit of noise?

The weekend was spent with that observer part of me taking it all in.
The next weekend, I never even bothered to go to Brooklyn the way I did most weekends---and that spelled the sudden end of a 6 and a half year relationship.
It just ended. My parents were happy that I'd finally come to my senses.

And, I knew that I had surely been guided that day---I had the choice to go home and the status quo of that relationship probably would have continued.
Or, I could press on, challenge myself to drive in a snowstorm most normal people wouldn't have driven in, and be met with the end of a relationship that suddenly I could see was going nowhere.

I don't mind when my guides and angels help me out with stuff like that. That's their job.
It's when they bug me. I think they take pleasure in bugging the snot outta me.

A few years ago, suspecting that my long-term marriage would have to be ended, and not wanting to face that at all---each day I would ask my angels for their assistance---just getting through each day was quite difficult for me. I was concerned about the impact of this on my then teen aged boys---and I was scared to take this step, out into the world, on my own.
I worked in a new age-ish store that my then husband owned. Actually, I had turned it into the new-age thing that it became, scheduling workshops, meditation groups etc.
That's a long story and not really all that important.

In an amazing series of coincidences and synchronistic events, I was hosting a shamanic journeying series in the store.
It was the last segment of the 3 part series, exploring shamanic journeying. I had journeyed before, on my own, never in a group.
The workshop facilitator had studied under Sandra Ingerman and he was using her book "Shamanic Journeying," and the suggested topics for journeying, found in that book.

We did several journeys that morning and the experiences were amazing.
Then, we got to the last part of the workshop and he told us that we had 3 topics to choose from for our journeys.
When I heard the topics, there was one that I KNEW I was NOT going to do. So, I focused on one of the other two and the drumming began.
We were to visit the "upper world," so I made my way up there.

The next thing I knew, I was met by a Brown Robed Monk. He told me that I HAD to do the topic that I didn't want to do.
I had no idea WHO he was, and I firmly told him "No."
He told me that I was avoiding that question, and my reply was, "I'm not doing that question now. I'll do it another time."
The Brown Robed Monk kept insisting, and, being the stubborn bitch that I could be at times, I then said, "This is my journey, and I can basically do what I want."

The next thing I knew, he must have called for reinforcements, there was this Native American kind of looking oldish man, dressed in sort of a weathered, old looking ill fitting suit.
He had this old hat on too, and black hair that I could see under the hat. I don't know how I knew he was Native American, but I just knew it.

He told me that I should do that question too, that it was important for me to do it. I'm----like---in my head, thinking----what on earth is going on here, who are these guys?
I tried nicely to tell him what I told the Brown Robed Monk, that I would do the question at some point, but that I wasn't going to do it NOW.
We went back and forth, him telling me that I should do the question I didn't want to do, and me telling him that he couldn't tell ME what to do; I told him that this was MY journey and that I was going to do what I wanted to do.

All the while this is happening, I was aware that I was in two different places---in the room with others who were journeying, and yet somewhere else too.
So, me and the Native American busy body were arguing and the Brown Robed Monk was butting in and I can clearly see that they're getting exasperated with me.
I didn't care.
Who the hell died and made them the boss of me?
Well, then, the next thing I knew, AGAIN---the two of them must have called for additional assistance and somehow got my dad involved!
Good grief!

So, there we all were---somewhere in the upper world---a Brown Robed Monk, a Native American, my dad and me.

Sigh.

So my dad says to me, "AkashicWreckage, why don't you do that other topic? It's important that you do it!"

I told my dad, "First of all dad, you look great! And, dad, it's not that I'm not going to EVER do that question or topic, it's that I don't want to do it now. I'm the one doing this journey and I get to choose the question."

By this point, very weird, my dad and I were suddenly sitting at the kitchen table in the home that I grew up in!
I was blown away!

My dad went on to say, "Why are you avoiding the question that you know you should do?"
I must admit that I was getting a bit pissed at this point, and I also realized that this journey would be for only a limited amount of time and that if I kept arguing with them all, soon enough, the journey would be over, which was just fine and dandy with me.

And, I told my dad, "You're dead, dad, and I'm a grown up, and I can do what I want with this journey. I will do this question, dad, but not now. Leave me alone, already!"

Lovingly, despite my defiance, he said "You have to do it sometime, you know that, why not now?"
To which I responded, "I really don't know why, dad. I just don't want to do that question here, in the store, and with people I don't really know. I will explore the question, but I want to spend more time doing it."

With that, the drumming tempo changed and I knew that it was time to return. I said goodbye to my dad, and then I was back in ordinary reality.

We all had to relay what happened during our journeys and I prayed that I wouldn't be first, how would I explain what happened?
Well, I wasn't first, thank God, and instantly decided that I wouldn't go into details about this strange journey I had just experienced.
A woman opposite from me was the first, and she looked at me and said, "I had a Brown Robed Monk and there was a message for you," and she pointed at me.
Jesus Christ, already!

She told me that the Monk didn't tell her what the message was, but that I would know.
Sigh.
Everyone looked at me, and I just simply said that I had a Brown Robed Monk, a Native American and my dad, all gang up on poor little me, and that I didn't care to go into details.

A few days later, at home, I decided to listen to a drumming CD that I had. I loved the feeling of being in a different reality.
As I began to journey, feeling myself seeking the path that I usually took---I found myself face to face with the Brown Robed Monk.
Wonderful.
Again, he launched into a whole thing about me doing the question that I hadn't done previously.
Freakin' great.
I scrambled for an excuse, and tried to reason with him.
Again, the Native American entered the picture.
They sat me down and we did actually all have a chance to talk. I tried to tell them why I didn't want to do that question, but that I knew that I would do it eventually.

Honestly, I really didn't want to get into it with them---and to this day, I don't know their names, which would be nice to know after all these years.

Similar scenarios over the next many, many months---turning into a year, with the two of them---and sometimes my dad would come in, and others, in my journeys.
And the question remained unexplored.

I continued to realize that I had to make a move towards ending a 23 year long marriage at that time---and I continued to receive supportive messages from my angels, that helped me to gain the strength and courage to do the unthinkable---end the marriage.
During the process of all of that, I continued to journey and meditate---taking heart in the messages that came to me from every conceivable nook and cranny of the universe.

When I would most need it, I would see messages written by a sky writer---in the skies above me, or I would experience a stranger coming up to me on the street---who would deliver a message of hope.
Wild, right?

One day, a woman I had met in an Animal Communication workshop called me up.
She suggested that we meet, that she wanted to give me a reading.
I went to her apartment and she told me that she was going to open my Akashic Records.
I honestly had no clue what that was, and agreed.
She asked me what name she should use, and I said that I wanted to use my maiden name.
She paused for a moment, closed her eyes, and then opened them and told me that it should be my legal name, but that she felt it was important to use my maiden name.
Okay.

After a brief period, she began to talk, and it was weird!
I began to take notes. Some of it made sense, some of it didn't---some of what she told me, I knew I would have to confirm with my mom.

Then, without warning, she told me that there was a Brown Robed Monk there!
Holy freaking crap!
Why wouldn't he leave me alone?
Over the months prior to that reading, here and there he would pop up, nudging me, nagging me....
One time even, my now beach buddy had The Brown Robed Monk come to him while he was taking a shower!
And, the monk told my beach buddy that I knew the answer to a question!
That Monk was interrupting my friend's shower to bring yet another bit of bugging nonsense to ME!
Come on, give it a break already!

Well, she went on to tell me a bit about him, not that I cared to know---
She confirmed other things, that she would have NO way of knowing about and it was truly an amazing experience---except for that Brown Robed Monk rearing his hooded head!
That reading happened on a Friday afternoon.

That Sunday, with another friend, I was in Barnes and Nobel.
There I was, minding my own beeswax, crouched down in the New Age aisle, trying to read the titles of some books, when suddenly I smelled something.
My friend had gone to the ladies room, so there I was---smelling something that had the aroma of the earth----very earthy and musky smelling---not an unpleasant odor.
I continued to read the titles, and the smell got stronger and stronger.
I looked over my left shoulder and saw nothing.
Then, I looked over my right shoulder and there he was------plain as could be----The Brown Robed Monk!
I actually fell on my backside at that point.
Then I scrambled to get up and run the other way, all the while saying "Holy crap, what is going on? Holy shi(f)t, oh my God---oh my freaking God!"

I went looking for my friend, convinced that I was cracking up, totally knowing that something wild was going on----or I had just gone over the deep end.
I quickly texted my beach buddy, who was away for the weekend,, and told him what was happening.
He texted me back that I should go and talk to the Brown Robed Monk!
"No way!" I texted back.

I found my friend and dragged her to the aisle where I had been and asked her to look and tell me what she saw. I remained hidden, close to the end another aisle.

She walked over, looked, then turned back to me smiling, then she walked down the aisle!
I slowly walked over and she came back around the corner and sort of pulled me into the aisle.
Yep, there was the Brown Robed Monk, in the flesh!
How could this possibly be?
She walked up to the monk and told him that I'd been having a Brown Robed Monk who kept coming to me!
Oh------MY-----God!
He didn't look surprised at all.
She then told him that this had been going on for quite some time and that this monk had been bugging me.

The monk looked at me and said, no lie, "You know what you're supposed to do!"
I stood there shaking my head no, but my mouth was saying, "Yes, I know."
He then said, "You need to do it."

I thanked him, all the while, in my head, over and over, "Holy crap, oh good lord, help me, what is going on here? What is the real reality right now?"

When I was driving home that day, it became very clear to me that what had taken place that day----was almost like a bridge----connecting what I thought was non-ordinary reality---with my everyday life.
That, in an effort to once again get my attention, the Brown Robed Monk had walked across that bridge to deliver me a message, in Barnes and Nobel, in the flesh, in a way that would stun me.

The next few months passed quickly, I was readying our home to put it up on the market to sell. I knew that I only had a small window of time to do that, I sensed that the market was falling and it was essential that we get as close to top dollar as possible.
Again, I asked for assistance, sold the house in what could only be called a miraculous series of coinky dinks, within a few weeks of when the market came to almost a dead standstill....

I just realized, as I've been writing this, that through the distractions, and the blessings, that have come up during the 3 years time since then----that I must be remembering this all for only one reason---

I never did journey to delve into that question----and the time is probably now----

That question, the one that I didn't want to do then, that I've probably avoided---or maybe I should go easy on myself and say----maybe I've needed all this time, and the side trips off and on my path that bring me to now, right now.

The question then, and now is, "What will bring passion back into my life?"

And, just now, out of the corner of my eye, in the fringes of my peripheral vision----I can swear that I am seeing a Brown Robed flash of Monk!

Okay, I'll delve into the question-----tomorrow----at the beach, okay?
Stop bugging me, will you?