Do we control time or does time control us?
A long time ago, maybe about 30 years or so ago, I recall being on a beach out on Long Island.
It was one of those absolutely perfect summer days---
The sky was amazing--- a crisp deep blue---gentle wisps of clouds high up in the sky.
I can still remember how the air felt on my skin, and how "charged" it felt...
The sound of the waves, began to bring about almost a trance-like state, and yet, I was totally aware of where I was---
I could feel that something was beginning to happen.
It was late in the day, and I was determined to stay on the beach as early into the evening as possible.
The sky was changing color, with the end of the day moving in---
The beach was nearly empty.
I felt as if every one of my senses was being given a treat, a gift of unmeasurable value.
I had turned my chair to the west, so I could watch the sun and clouds begin to change color.
As I sat there, feeling the air on body---
Hearing the waves---
Seeing the sea gulls---and watching the changing colors of the sky and ocean---
I began to feel strange.
I almost felt as if I was losing my equilibrium---but I wasn't.
The air around me felt thick.
Somewhat deja vu-ish---
I began to sense that I had been doing---what I was doing in that present time---- in another time, and in another place.
Then, it felt as if I were observing, from another vantage point within my mind, a different time, a different person---yet it was me.
I didn't want it to end, but it did.
I tried to will the experience back---it had ended
I was totally puzzled by what had happened and began to think about time.
What if, I thought to myself, there were no lines that separate time, like on a time line?
I thought about those time lines we used to see in history textbooks in school, and, in my mind, began to remove the lines that separated the years.
"Now what?" some wisenheimer in my mind asked.
"I don't have a clue, play along with me, would ya?" I answered---
"If there are no time lines, then the events that took place during those times could, perhaps, be free floating---without the constraints of those lines."
I began to think of big "moments" in history, could those be tapped into, once those lines of demarcation were removed?
Events would be just floating around in timelessness---no past, no present, all of it---at the same time---just energy that is there.
I would sometimes think back to that day on the beach, and the feeling and sense that I had---
About 6 or 7 years later, in the midst of another summer on Long Island, my ex-husband, myself, and another couple, rented a bungalow in Sag Harbor for about ten days.
I did a stupid thing the night before we left the city to go out there on our vacation.
I jokingly went to kick my then husband, to nudge him to get moving to help me clean up our apartment before we left, so we could come back to a nice clean place before returning to work.
I must have hit his leg at just the right angle, I ended up by breaking 2 toes---baby toe and the toe next to it.
Hurt like hell, and it was difficult for me to walk the entire week--except when I was walking on sand at the beach.
The last weekend of our vacation, friends from Connecticut come down to spend the day and we had a wonderful time with them at the beach.
The day was coming to an end, but I began to feel strange.
A little flash of a loss of equilibrium---hit me.
And, it felt as if the air had changed around me.
Then I noticed that the air and sky and ocean seemed to almost take on different hues, suddenly.
I had turned my chair to the west. All of us had turned our chairs, but our friends were starting to pack up, as was my husband.
I realized that I couldn't leave with them.
We had all come in one car, and we were going to drive our friends back to their car, about a half hour away.
I asked my husband if he minded coming back to get me.
He thought I had absolutely lost my mind.
So did I.
And so did our friends.
I convinced him that I would be okay, that I just had to stay.
After they all left, I sat there---and my senses began to sharpen.
I felt a whooosh----
And that weird sense of deja-vu returned.
As I was sitting there, I again felt as if I were observing myself---yet someone different from who I was---from another point in time.
I could feel my feet tingling and felt this charge to the air around me.
I'm not sure how long this went on for, probably well over an hour, but I had lost complete association with time.
My husband came back, he asked me what I had done while he was gone, and I had no answer for him.
Time passed, we moved, had our boys, and life unfolded.
Fast forward ---
I recall hearing Brian Weiss talk a few times on Larry King Live when my boys were very young.
And I was fascinated when he talked about the experiences of his patients when regressed to past lives.
About 10 years later, I bought one of his books and regression CDs
I had no expectations and the after the first regression, I didn't think anything had really "happened."
Actually, I thought it was a big dud---a figment of my imagination.
I went back in this present lifetime---but to when I was maybe about a year old.
If anything, it was very relaxing.
My mother later confirmed what I saw and experienced, the decor of the house we lived in, in Iowa---and something my older brother would do to make me laugh.
Weird. She was amazed with the details that I shared with her and she told me that I was maybe about 13 or 14 months old during that time.
Anyway, I continued to experiment with both regressions, and, shamanic journeying.
One day, a thought came to me---it can't just be limited to going BACK in time.
Why wouldn't I be able to go FORWARD in time?
Then I flashed back to my removing the lines from time lines idea---
My logical mind then began to kick in---
No way this could be done, don't even try it!
A few days later, I was listening to an Anugama CD---Shamanic Dream.
I had my ear plugs in, and I was laying on a lounge chair in the sun, on my back porch.
My intention was to simply relax and enjoy the early November afternoon.
And then, to my surprise---
I found myself walking on a beach---
I was both laying on the lounge chair, AND, walking on a beach.
As I was doing this, suddenly there was a low, small rainbow a little ways ahead.
As I moved towards it, getting closer and closer, it met my feet, and I began to walk along this rainbow, a little above the sand on the beach!
I must say that I was freaked out. But I also very curious as to what was happening.
The rainbow began to move and in front of me---
Maybe about a half mile or so away, I see a series of very large rocks---
Rising up to about 10 or 15 feet high.
I am moving closer and closer to the rocks and then my rainbow ride ends.
I climb up the rocks and can see nothing on the other side.
It was as if there was this veil~~~a white barrier of nothingness was the view.
I turned back towards the direction I had come from, and I could clearly see the shoreline, the water, for miles and miles.
Turned back around, nothing---
I walked along the rocks for a bit and the rocks seemed to go out into the water, as far as my eyes could see.
As I stood there, I felt the air in front of me change---and there was a door!
Right smack dab in the middle of rocks on a beach, there---
In front of me---
So, I knocked on the door---
I'm LOLing as I think back on all of this---
There I am, laying in the sun chillaxin'--- a
And I'm finding myself on a rainbow escalatorish type of thing---
Which is taking me down a beach, in my head---
Getting off the rainbow---
Walking along on large rocks with nothing in front of me---
And there's a door!
And, I knock on the door---
I knocked again, turning back around to make sure I could see from where I came, just in case I needed to run back that way.
Still, no answer.
So, I opened the door!
By this time, I'm completely IN whatever this experience was---that was being experienced.
As I open the door, I feel the presence of something or some one----immediately to my left.
I couldn't hear as much as I felt (for lack of a better way to describe this) a question being asked of me---
Did I want to continue?
To be continued...